How soon for new partner to meet kids

[EmeraldTheSeahorse]

I know there is a bit of an unwritten rule to wait 6 months before introducing someone to your children but has anyone done it sooner? Also does this still apply for older children like teens / preteens? Is there still a need to wait 6 months? Or is it mainly aimed at younger children where the break up might be fresh or just because they are younger might struggle with it more? I’ve also seen people saying it’s pointless waiting 6m as they may not get on with the child? Does the age of a child make a difference on how soon you would introduce them? I haven’t met anyone yet btw so just asking in advance if the age of a child makes a difference as I’ve also seen people with younger children saying they introduce someone quickly as a friend so the child knows no difference. Those of you with teens how long did you wait?

The 6 mo, etc is not just about the kids or their ages.
It’s more about the relationship being a bit more serious. It takes time to get to know the other person and usually it’s better to give it time. People don’t necessarily show their true colours right away - so unless you want to expose your kids to your dating ups and downs - wait until you know the the guy for a bit.

If you have older kids - i think its
best to tell them you are dating - rather than hiding it. But not sure it needs to be rushed.

I’m always open with my dc if I am dating someone but I’m never in a rush to introduce (yes I have dated a few people), my dc are older teens and I don’t feel the need for them to be a part of what I get up too in my spare time. So my advice would be to wait for as long as possible.

By all means tell them you are dateing but I would be waiting a minimum of a year because I don't want them to get attached and the relationship breakdown.

Now I say that from a place of privilege where I have time without the children.

It's tricky but so far I've negotiated having relationships (two over seven years) with my children knowing their name, bumping into them and said hello etc but little more.

My children are 16 and 10. I've no intention of ever living with the men so this probably also impacts my approach. Wishing you happiness, if isn't easy.

I don’t get spare time unfortunately and definitely won’t be waiting a year.

I don't think you can really know someone in under a year and go through all the seasons with them.

Well why ask then, if you've already decided?

What age are your kids? How old is the relationship? How long since your relationship with their dad ended?

You do seem a bit desperate to rush it which could be a red flag. Are you wanting to play happy families?

Our mum introduced us to endless boyfriends and it really messed me and my sister up

Yes. What are you looking for, validation? It seems like a weird thing to do, given that you say this is an abstract point, you're not in a relationship.

Personally I would be leaving it a very, very long time, a minimum of 18 months into the relationship. There's zero benefit to your children in being introduced to your new boyfriend. If you are literally unable to spend time away from your children in order to see a boyfriend, then surely you just wait a bit?

on MN - you'll get answers anywhere from 6 months to 2 years to never.

In the real world I think you jut have to go with your gut and you'll know when it feels right. And you wont know that until you actually have been dating - and find "the guy" whom you want to introduce to your kids.

In my case my kids were 15 and 13. I introduced them to my BF after 6 months. His kids were same age. Not because I was adhering to any "rule" but because it felt the right time and all the kids were ok with it.

I've now been dating BF for nearly 5 years. we don't live together but we get together with all kids occasionally for days out/meals and holiday's Our set up works well for us

I’ve never claimed I would wait a year I think that’s far too long. My post mentions 6m but not a year.

No happy families my kids are older kids so not looking for a father figure but I don’t get days off like other single parents so I wouldn’t be able to date someone for a year without them meeting my children.

You barely know someone after 6 months. Personally, 18 months - 2 years for me.

Thank you this is helpful!

I would ask why the rush. I'm thinking of starting dating soon after separating from my two's father and I just can't see any need for them to meet a boyfriend of mine until it's serious to the point of permanence

You’re jumping the gun a bit if you haven’t met anyone!
If you have no spare time, how are you expecting to date? Are you expecting him to slot into family life? If so, be very cautious about that. Any man happy to slot into that immediately would be a bit of a concern to me tbh.

I’m thinking of joining OLD so just thought I would see how long others have waited.

Personally I'd give it a year, possibly 6 months with older teens who are aware that this person my suddenly dissapear at the whims of their parent so know not to get attached.

What I wouldn't do is ever move a new partner in with my kids, until both kids are over 18. Kids don't get a choice where they live, so personally I wouldn't impose that on them

but I don’t get days off like other single parents so I wouldn’t be able to date someone for a year without them meeting my children

I don't understand this - so all your dates would need to be with your children?

No I will have some free time whilst they are at school due to working part time I will have some days free.

1 year! Why? Because you simply don’t know that person well enough (and may still not) before then. You need to see them experience the ups and downs of life before considering bringing them into your children’s lives. If you already have a child, chances are you have had a serious relationship break down already - so why rush? I’d also say for every previous partner they’ve been introduced to before, add more time/patience the next time around. So, first ever introduction to a new partner: 1 year. If that relationship breaks down, then next time do 18 months and so on. This way your child can hopefully avoid issues with stability and disappointment in childhood.

I know someone who has introduced her 7 year old to 2 partners in the last 5 years. The first relationship lasted less than 2 years, they all lived together, and daughter basically thought he was her dad. The second relationship started just under 1 year ago, daughter was introduced immediately, and now mum is about to give birth to new fella’s baby. I see disaster.

Obviously single parents are entitled to a romantic life, but logistically I’d keep it to day time dates for a long time. OLD is quite brutal, please be cautious about bringing a date to your home.

I waited a year. That worked well for me and my kids

I never suggested anywhere that you'd said a year. I don't even know why you're giving this any mental space, as you aren't in a relationship, and are only contemplating starting OLD. If your children are older, I don't see why they need to meet your potential boyfriends at all?

For what it's worth, your instincts sound remarkably irresponsible.

MN is a funny place, children should never meet a new partner ?! 🤣

So then you do that. For as long as possible.

I'd argue even more so if meeting them via OLD. Who introduces male strangers to children, and brings them into the children's home overnight etc? It's mad.