How soon for new partner to meet kids

[EmeraldTheSeahorse]

I know there is a bit of an unwritten rule to wait 6 months before introducing someone to your children but has anyone done it sooner? Also does this still apply for older children like teens / preteens? Is there still a need to wait 6 months? Or is it mainly aimed at younger children where the break up might be fresh or just because they are younger might struggle with it more? I’ve also seen people saying it’s pointless waiting 6m as they may not get on with the child? Does the age of a child make a difference on how soon you would introduce them? I haven’t met anyone yet btw so just asking in advance if the age of a child makes a difference as I’ve also seen people with younger children saying they introduce someone quickly as a friend so the child knows no difference. Those of you with teens how long did you wait?

But you’re adamant that you would never wait a year

surely it depends entirely on circumstances and the relationship itself

So I don’t see how you can be adamant about anything when we’re talking about a theoretical relationship

Since when is 6 is “older kid”

(I was on your other thread about single and dating!)

Very sad to go searching out my old post but yes my older 3 are teens. And no I won’t be waiting a year.

I didn’t search

I was on your thread. It was last week

Sure.

Now I’m only looking for advice on how long others have waited not judgement please 😊

It depends, if you mean introduce them just so they're aware and you can spend time with them then teens can no doubt understand this better than younger children. If you mean so they can stay over etc then a fair while so you know without question you can trust them, and the children deserve to know someone before they move in rather than have it thrust upon them imo. Me and now DH dated for 12 months before he met my DS, and we stayed between 2 homes until he was older. It worked for us and worked for DS too. Its a balance between protecting your children and living your own life imo.

I've been seeing DP since March - we talk online / teams / calls every day and have a weekend together about every 3 weeks when custody patterns align.

I've inadvertently met his eldest and my youngest is aware of me talking to someone but while he's told his kids he's dating, I've not told mine as my separation is more recent than his. We're talking about introducing kids in either Feb half term or over Easter and then in a completely neutral environment and not in each others homes. Clearly plans may change or more inadvertent meetings may happen in the mean time that could change this but we are being very cautious.

Not a great sign op. Already trying to present an image that would make introducing a new partner asap on the basis you have “older” kids

but your other thread you refer to your 9 year old and 6 year old.

and if you had three teens and one 6 year old… why couldn’t they ever babysit? It that seems out of the question. No doubt because there is no term

😂 whatever.

Well of course no one is going to judge you

you aren’t in a relationship so all you’re doing is speculating about what you might or might not do!

You haven't said why you're so desperate for a new boyfriend to meet your kids.

And you’ve just admitted to searching out my old threads. Get a life.

I don’t think you need to worry about this scenario OP.

I'm divorced with a 8yo DS.

I split from exH when DS was only 1. Was happily single for 2 years getting used to being on my own then dating off & on for 4 years before I even met someone I'd consider letting my DS meet. We've now been together 18 months, he met my Dd after about 9/10 months - no reason for that timescale other than that's what felt right for all of us.

I think it's a really hard thing to put a timescale on in advance. Then it becomes a bit like a 'tick box'. You won't know how you will feel about someone til you meet them so it's hard to predict?

I definitely would never think, "well that's us past the 6 month mark so now is the time". For me, it's when I was relatively confident we had a future together. However it was also driven by DS to an extent. I started mentioning to him that I had met someone called "Dave" and said things like "oh I'm going to meet Dave for lunch today" - he was aware of him for a few months and got gradually more curious, asking questions like where does he live, what's his job, does he have a dog? etc. He knew I was dating rather than "friends" Then one day he said "next time you meet Dave at (place to do with hobby) can I come?"

It's kinda like how long is a piece of string. Sometimes people feel ready to get ready married after 2 months, for others it takes years before they're sure. This is similar in terms of waiting til it feels right and you're certain rather than a set amount of time. Only you need to be slightly more cautious as you're putting the feelings of your dc at risk and you need to know they're comfortable

I’m not, I asked how long others have waited. That is all… if I got plenty of child free time I would wait as long as possible but I don’t so asking for other people’s experience.

So the thread you started I was on

whinging about how you’ll never ever get the chance to have a relationship because you’d never leave your kids with a babysitter and you never ever get any child free time

You work part time
All your kids are school aged
3 of the 4 are older kids, teens

and you don’t get any free time 🤔

I mean weekends off. What’s wrong with you why are you so weird? You think many men are around to only date during school hours? Now go away

The only free time I have is during school hours I’m not going to be able to meet someone for a year only during school hours get real!

Your "older kids" are teens but you also have a six year old?

I hope your need to have any new boyfriend meet your children within a few months isn't because you want more.

I'm also a single parent who would love to meet a life partner but will I fuck not take pretty basic precautions to keep them safe.

No I don’t want any more children.

Why can’t your three older teens babysit the 6 year old (and the 9 year old?)

So only your feelings matter, not your children's?
What would you do if your children didn't want to meet him, or meet him and dony like him?