How soon for new partner to meet kids

[EmeraldTheSeahorse]

I know there is a bit of an unwritten rule to wait 6 months before introducing someone to your children but has anyone done it sooner? Also does this still apply for older children like teens / preteens? Is there still a need to wait 6 months? Or is it mainly aimed at younger children where the break up might be fresh or just because they are younger might struggle with it more? I’ve also seen people saying it’s pointless waiting 6m as they may not get on with the child? Does the age of a child make a difference on how soon you would introduce them? I haven’t met anyone yet btw so just asking in advance if the age of a child makes a difference as I’ve also seen people with younger children saying they introduce someone quickly as a friend so the child knows no difference. Those of you with teens how long did you wait?

Nowhere have I said that I would be introducing strangers? I asked how long people have waited!

But even when you have dated them for 6m, they will still be strangers to your children

So you have to wait ling enough to be confident that (1) this person doesn't appear to be dangerous (2) this person doesn't appear to be a twat (3) this person is someone who seems to be in it for the long haul (because otherwise its just a rotation of new partners which isn't great for kids!).

Why do you want your children to meet a potential boyfriend Op? To what end?

The same reason anyone introduces a new partner to their children 🙄

My kid is 12 and I am open to her about my dating (I am going on a date, it went well or badly - nothing not age appropriate). She is not upset about my divorce from her Dad 5 years ago and my ex and I get along ok. I introduced her to my current boyfriend after 4 months because she asked - said she was nosy. We've been dating 10 months now and we've done a few activities together. He is generally here when DD is not but it's not a strict boundary. We are planning a weekend away all together in January and a holiday all together next summer.

My DD will never see my boyfriend as a DAD - but she says he'd make a nice uncle!

Edited to add: I don't think she has really got attached to him. If he ceased to exist tomorrow I can't see that she'd care. He doesn't do any child caring activities and has no kids of his own so he is a kindly adult who occasionally hangs out with us.

Thank you, finally a normal comment! These comments are crazy, I’m glad to hear it’s worked well for you.

DP and I have been together 18 months and he's only just told his kids. He's told them it's up to them if they want to meet me or not

I think different people, different relationships, different kids - there's not one rule that fits all

I split up with my children's dad when they were both at primary school. I met my new partner a month later, not expecting anything serious, but it turned out to be my meant-to-be partner. We've been together now 15 years. The kids met early on, I can't quite remember exactly but way less than 6 months, mostly in passing and things naturally evolved from there. It's all worked out fine and they have an amazing relationship, through me and also separately from me.

I’m pretty open with Dd in an age appropriate way. I think waiting a year is madness! You have to make sure you kids get on with him as well, otherwise you’re putting a hell a lot of effort into a relationship that if they don’t get along can’t go any further.

Just be open with them appropriately, and keep the meetings chill and probably out of the house for dinner/cinema/fun stuff for a while. Then gradually build up to coming over for lunch or dinner, then staying over quite a lot later.

A year or two. You only want to introduce them to someone once you know it's a permanent thing. You don't want your kids to have to meet loads of different men who are dating their Mum.

Was just watching a YouTube thing the other week about paedos and the dark net and how there's millions on these sites and the general advice for them is to spend a whole year getting close to the mother before starting to groom the child.

So, be warned.

You be wise to speak with your kids about 'bad touch' and people who ask them to keep 'our little secrets' before introducing anyone new. Online stats putting the number of paedos at potentially up to 1 in 25 people. And of course, more of these will gravitate towards single mums. So maybe...assume there's a 1 in 10 chance and take no risks.

OP posts asking “how long before introducing a new partner” people reply with a mixture of 6 months, one year and never, OP says she doesn’t agree. Obviously OP has her own idea in her head and isn’t going to listed to what most of us have to say 🤣. To top it off OP hasn’t even met anyone yet and is only ‘thinking about trying on line dating’.

Good luck OP, online dating is just awful and chances are it could be quite a while before you meet anyone you would want to introduce you dc too. I could write a book on how awful online dating is as I’m sure many others could too. Yes you might meet someone and you might eventually want to introduce them to your dc but be very careful. You say you won’t be introducing strangers to your dc? They will be strangers to your dc.

It seems most poeple who have answered are saying 6-12 months, but do what you feel is best for your dc. I personally don’t introduce any man to my dc unless I’m pretty sure they are going to stick around, I don’t want to be bringing different men into my home each month and for my kids to be confused.

We were going to wait 6 months to introduce my partner to my dc who were 11 and 13. They knew about him before this though and asked to meet him sooner, so we did. I think it was between 5-6 months after I met him and 2 years after my marriage ended.

We have just moved in together after 4 years - all happy.

I don't think the act of introducing your dc to someone is damaging, as long as they are not against it and it's not too soon after your marriage/relationship with their father ended. It's what comes after that could be an issue, when people rush to move someone in, force their dc to spend time with them because it suits the adults, etc.

I think arbitrary time frames are a bit pointless to be honest. Just wait until it feels right for all involved and take it slowly.

What's that reason? If you think about it, why do you need your child to be a part of your relationship? Is it to play happy families? Do you want more children soon? Do you want to get it over with early in case they don't get along and you've then wasted your time?

These are you reasons. They're selfish - and yeah it's ok to be selfish in life - but not when it affects your children.

I'm a single parent too. I get it can be lonely. I still wouldn't invite a man I wasn't certain about after a long period of time to meet my children. It's dangerous and potentially damaging.

Because I want a life partner I don’t care if that makes me selfish! I’m looking for someone to spend my life with. Simple.

@EmeraldTheSeahorse sure, ok, but why do your kids need to be a part of that adventure early on? Can't you get to know someone very well first, over time, and enjoy time with him as a couple before making your children be a part of it?

There really should be a section on MN called Agree With Me. Like the opposite of AIBU. Where posters come and get people to agree with them. Dissenters would be deleted and any posters not agreeing would be warned.

IRL after 4 months you have absolutely no idea. My mate just ended a relationship after a few months with a man who really liked. Turned out (after a lot of digging and a warning from a friend) that he was a narcissistic sex addict, who turned pretty nasty after she confronted him. He never met her kids berceuse she's a sensible mum.

I don’t get child free days I’ve already stated that.

I’m not asking for that I’m asking for other people’s experiences and how long they’ve waited yet so far all I’ve got is a load of probably married women telling me to wait 10 years.

I’m curious Op

how long have you been with him?

Does your partner have children?

🤣 a year to the day I met my husband we’d been married for a few weeks- AND I had two children from a previous marriage!

We have been married over 15 years now… sometimes hard and fast rules in life aren’t actually for the best and you can trust your instincts and take life by the balls and go for it when things are right for you.

EmeraldTheSeahorse · 20/10/2023 19:18

. I’ve been single for 7 years my ex doesn’t see the kids so I’ve not been able to date or meet anyone.

so less than a fortnight you’ve been with this partner and you’re asking this?

Not dating yet but plan to start so just wondering

I've been with my now husband going on 10 years, met online.
When we met my son was 13 and his daughter was 5. We waited 3 months to introduce our children, started off as days out Pizza Hut/beach ect and slowly built up to more and more time together (moved in together 2 years in) we did start off by introducing each other as friends to begin with but my son being older clocked on pretty quickly that we were dating.. waited a year before sleeping over and being affectionate (holding hands as an example) around his daughter just because she was so young.
Something that I felt really helped was making the effort to get on with the ex (lots of people on here will say there's no need for the ex to meet the new partner) but with us I think it really helped with his daughter to see that me and her mum could get on with each other when it come to drop offs.