Why is she shaming me? So upset

[Aarrrgghh]

I have a sister and we are very different, I wear my heart on my sleeve and she's a bit more aloof but we are quite close. However she's done something that really upset me and I'm feeling very hurt and angry.

We were away for a few days to visit relatives and were staying in a hotel. On the second morning she seemed grumpy when I got up and I asked her what was wrong, she said nothing but I knew something was up do asked again. She said I wouldn't want to know, I said of course I would, and she went on to tell me I'd been snoring my head off the last two nights and she's had very little sleep.

I got really upset, it's no like I can help it and it felt like a really mean thing to say. I've had a hard time lately and I need support not criticism. I did cry and I raised my voice. She said "I told you you didn't want to know, stop taking it so personally, I'm exhausted but you dont care about that" and then took her bag and left the room. She booked another room for our last night.

It's left me feeling really embarrassed and I feel like she's judging me. We spoke later and she said I'm so loud I need to get medical attention. That just felt like another attack, I got angry and she accused me of going totally OTT.

My ex didn't have a problem sleeping in bed with me.

I'm avoiding her now. I do t like fighting but I think she owes me an apology for spoiling our time away and upsetting me.

Do you think she was trying to be hurtful or is it just her way?

Are you on here too, darling?

😂

She’s not shaming you. She wasn’t even going to tell you. You insisted she told you. Now you are annoyed that she hasn’t slept because of your snoring. Loads of people snore, it’s not worth being sensitive about.

You need to take some responsibility for your feelings. She didn’t force you to feel this way.

You asked, she told. Where is the shaming/judgement in that? You may well need medical attention. Snoring can be a symptom of Obstructive Sleep Apnea, which long term can me detrimental to health.

You asked, she told? My husband snores and if I wake during the night I have to wake him before I can get to sleep or I’m awake all night. It’s exhausting

Get therapy re your sensitivity and over emotional attitude

See the Dictor about your weight and snoring

Join weight watchers or something similar

Apologise to your poor sister. I feel so so sorry for her

You really do need help

Which is why you need therapy

You’ve massively overreacted. You sound exhausting to be around even without the sleep deprivation. Try to focus less on yourself and you’ll be much happier.

Did your sister mention your weight or just the snoring?

You asked, it’s on you not her. She was also knackered and you failed to show any empathy.

Yabu and very oversensitive.
Apologise to your sister!

YABU.
Stop being a child and get that snoring treated

YABU
And over reacting - if what she said is true why are you offended?? Is it because you are embarrassed?

Would you rather she had trouble sleeping through the night and was knackered all day and feeling miserable but DIDN'T tell you?

You want her to care about your feelings but I am assuming you also care about her.

It's unpleasant being told home truths so don't beat yourself up about feeling bad about it.

Buy her a pair of ear buds or ear muffs and apologize to her for over reacting. And explain it's difficult hearing things like this but you want her to sleep well too.

She was not "shaming" you - she told you the truth and you didnt like it. Sleep apnoea could kill you, you should seek medical help. Perhaps you'd rather she had said nothing and cried at your funeral.

YABU (or at the very least a bit oversensitive!)

She was sleep deprived (there is a reason they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture!) and she offered the caveat that you wouldn’t want to hear it and bracketed the feedback with a genuine concern for your health (heavy snoring can be associated with sleep apnea and other health concerns).

I live with a habitual snorer and honestly, if I had the money I would go and book a hotel room some nights (especially if congested!)

What/how would you have liked her to say it? Not sure there is any kind way to tell someone that their snoring is really loud and has disturbed your sleep.

Really?? Someone saying you snore makes you cry and shout at them?

I think you are more than a little precious.

I record DH's snoring and play it back to him the next day... it's the least he deserves keeping me up all night 😂

To me, it's always sounded like one of those phrases trotted out to make a bad thing seem positive. See also 'I tell it like it is' which basically translates as 'I'm a rude fucker, with racist and misogynist tendencies.'

Your sister also through no fault of her own had to pay towards a room she stayed in for 2 nights with no sleep,got shouted at and attitude and then had to pay full price for another night just to get some sleep.
Yabu

I think you need to apologise to your sister, you got angry with her when you'd kept her up two nights and it was you who demanded she tell you. Explain that you feel very sensitive about your weight and that's why you took it so badly.

I bet if you apologise and explain there won't be any more fighting. The way you handled the situation was emotionally immature although she could also have handled it sooner and more kindly - I think though however she told you. you would have taken it badly and that's why she didn't want to say anything. The fact she was tired and that she knew you'd react badly no matter what meant that she didn't handle it the way she should have.

You need help with your self esteem, it sounds very low and is making you appear self absorbed and overly sensitive. You deserve to feel better and it will help you so much in your relationships with others IMO.

@Aarrrgghh

I'm overweight and I snore. I don't feel critised if I'm told. If I know I'll be sharing I explain and bring ear plugs for the other person/people.

The snoring or the weight is not the problem though, it's what you percieve as criticism and how you handle it. Her telling you this is not a criticism, it's a fact.

wow .. YABU!!!!
how do you not even see this!?

YOU pushed her for an answer, not her.
YOU shouted at her for being honest, not her.
YOU got upset with her again for being honest and offering advice, not her.

yet you think she owes you an apology!??? Ehhh … you need to give yourself a reality check. I feel bad for your sister having to put up with that kind of shit all the time.

YOU should be the one apologising to your sister for:

1. snoring and keeping her awake. No you can’t help it or do anything about it but the polite and genuine thing to do is say sorry.
2. shouting at her after you pushed her to tell you.
3. getting upset when she offered advice.

at the bare minimum YOU should say sorry to her. Poor girl, I hope she had a good night sleep in her own room.

I’ve been a snorer and when I found out I just said sorry and worked on it, like a normal & considerate person.

You want an apology for her telling you the truth. I suffered for years with a prolific snorer getting around 4 broken hours sleep a night. I then had the nerve to banish him to the spare room, bliss.

How is she embarrassing you she told you a fact about yourself and you didn’t like it. We all get told things we don’t like about ourselves you should of said sorry and see if you can do something to help you stop. You sound like a spoilt brat to me sorry to be so blunt but apologise even if it can’t be helped grow up and move on. Life is too short for regrets down the line

I had a medical procedure to help my snoring. It was horrible and didn't work. DH and I took turns for years leaving the bed for the sofa to get some sleep. Eventually found decent earplugs. YRBU in blaming your sister for answering your question.

Omg how in the hell have you brought racism into this?