@Aarrrgghh OP, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but based on what you’ve said you are being unreasonable.
That doesn’t mean your feelings are wrong. Feelings can’t be wrong, they just are- that’s the whole point of them. Feelings are not logical, they can be explosive, illogical and disproportionate. It’s how you respond to your feelings that really matters.
Just because you feel shamed and criticised, doesn’t mean you have been.
You insisted your sister tell you the truth and unfortunately you couldn’t bear the truth because it made you feel embarrassed and ashamed of your weight.
If you are close to your sister and value your relationship then please protect it by taking a deep breath and asking yourself, whether maybe the person shaming you is not really your sister… maybe the person shaming you is actually you.
And if your sisters honest answer (which she tried to avoid telling you) caused you to feel so much shame and judgement about yourself, then perhaps you can investigate where that stems from? Is it really all your sisters fault? Or might it be more complex than that?
You say you find criticism very difficult. However, in this instance you have not been criticised by your sister.
I know the world can be very harsh and judgmental about weight. But have you ever wondered if you have internalised some of that and now the shame you feel is actually driven by your own negative self talk? Have you ever stopped and listened to your own thoughts? What is your internal dialogue in your head? Do you think things like, “aarrgh I’m struggling so much with my weight, this is so stressful and I’m feeling so sensitive, I know my sister loves me but her words hurt… it’s ok to feel emotional, I’m a good person and I will find a way through this…” or is it more like… “aarrgh I’m struggling so much with my weight, everyone must be looking at me and judging me, I can’t believe I’m in this situation, I feel so [insert body shaming word here]… everyone’s looking at me, I’m so [insert shaming language here], why is my sister not making me feel better?”
The problem is, your sister won’t be helping you or expressing a healthy kind of love, if she hides the truth from you. She needs to be able to tell the truth if you demand she answers your questions, and you need to be able to take responsibility for your own emotions.
Imagine if your sister started her own post on here… maybe it would go something like this:
“I’ve been away with my sister. I love her very much and we were having a great time. The only problem is, I’m shattered. I haven’t had any sleep because her snoring has kept me awake for the last two nights. She is really sensitive so I didn’t tell her at first, but the sleep deprivation was making me grumpy. She demanded to know why I was grumpy and I tried to avoid telling her but she insisted, so I told her the truth. She shouted at me and accused me of shaming her. I decided the best thing to do is get my own room so I can sleep. Now she’s ignoring me, I feel so exhausted and sad. She doesn’t seem to care about my feelings at all. I’m so worried about her health, I’m scared something will happen to her and I’ve tried to persuade her to seek medical attention but she has taken it as an insult. I don’t know what to do.”
OP I know it can feel like everyone else is judging you and your embarrassment can make you feel very self conscious. But the reality is, you are upset with a person who might have your best interests at heart. It’s entirely possible that your sister feels as upset and frustrated as you do.
There’s a big difference between saying, “You snore because you are [insert mean judgemental language here]” versus, “I’m exhausted because your snoring kept me awake and I honestly think you should see a doctor because I care about you.”
Maybe you should go to the doctor and tell them the truth, even if it’s embarrassing and upsetting. If you tell your sister how you feel and that you are taking her advice, maybe she will come with you for moral support?
Reacting the way you have is unreasonable but your feelings are still valid. You are trying to avoid the fact that you have a problem and in doing so, you are pushing people away. You might even be pushing away the very person who has the most genuine concern and care for you.
We can’t possibly know… you’re the only one who knows if your sister is a mean bully or whether she was just being honest. But either way, you won’t live the full and vibrant life you deserve, if you don’t learn the skills of managing your own emotions and developing a more robust sense of self esteem.
Talk to your sister and ask yourself, is it actually you who owes her the apology?