What one weird thing has killed a relationship stone dead in an instant for you?

[talkingmongoose]

Just something that told you there was nooooo future?

I was seeing a chap quite some years ago, pre DH. We had been dating about a year, and were getting into bed at his place when I mentioned that I had my period, just in a casual 'so no rumpy-pumpy tonight' kind of way. The issue had never come up before.

He went all pale with disgust, said 'I wish you hadn't told me that', and proceeded to sleep on the floor.

Utter, utter twunt, I never returned his calls after that. Lucky escape.

Plus aforementioned guy had a really thin willy- gross!!!

Another satorial one, but not pervy...

Friend had "relations" with v nice chap, but turned out he had a rather interesting dressing gown... made out of sewn-together beer towels (the rectangle drip towels that they don't have any more due to 'elf n safety).

Ta ta Boddingtons/Guinness/Stella Boy.

On the subject of chicks with dicks.I once removed the knickers of a woman who had a clitoris that was at least one and half inches in length.My initial reaction was curious surprise,followed by a quick glance up to her chin to check for stubble!

Ben, I used to live in Rio [outs self] and spent an amusing couple of hours watching an English guy very smugly pull - and disappear to his room with - a beautiful travesti I would have told him, but he was a wanker so I thought I'd let him find out for himself.

On showing a new(ish) boyfriend round my house for the first time.

Me: And this is my bedroom.
Him: Whose bedroom?
Me: MY bedroom
Him: Whose bedroom?
Me: Mine
Him: No, OUR bedroom

Ooh have remembered (in similar PTSD flashback stylee) the one who passed up the opportunity for the free weekend trip to Paris whilst at Uni in order to watch Terminator 2 as it was on the tv for the first time.

Hah. Went with BMF instead. Who fancied me (so he told me years later).

Sleepingonthebus - creepy or what? Eww, that post made my skin crawl.

garlic - classic!

There are so many MrTinyCock's out there, what do we all actually class as tiny?

My chap was no bigger then 2" when 'fully erect'.........

Him: And this is my tiny cock
Her: Whose tiny cock?
Him: MY tiny cock.
Her: Whose tiny cock?
Him: Mine.
Her: Long pause......yes you're right. It's your tiny cock. See ya.....

I have had the opposite, dating a guy who was nice and very interesting (busy) and consequently didn't tidy his house apart from in big bursts ever two weeks or so, in between it was crazy.

I once said.. when I knew I shouldn't.. (that feeling that you are about to say something that is going to piss someone off) that he didn't need a girlfriend, he needed a mother.

Things went pretty cool after that, and even after a half-hearted go again, it never recovered. I guess that was his killer statement! :)

tis very funny should be in classics. I posted at the begining but have just recalled this one.
Gave my number to very nice looking guy in a club,he seemed very intelligent and charming. He texted me a few times but then out of the blue sent me a pic of his dick!!No sexual texts before this.I ignored him for ages and then told him not to keep texting me,he apologised and said he was nervous as i was older and he didnt know how to act.I gave him the benefit of the doubt and we continued to occasionally exchange messages before hey presto along came another dick pic,wtf? He then asked for one in return,i told him i didnbt have the inclination or time to provide him with wank material and to fuck the fuck off.
A month later he left me a voicemail asking if i "fancied a fuck" my extremely camp gbf then called him and told him that he did indeed fancy a fuck.We never heard from him again
I have often wondered why some men think we will fall apart over a picture of their dicks.

I've tried sending a few pics of my dick by text to various women but usually fail because my phone says the file's too large ;-)
I suppose tiny cock guys don't have this problem so can text away to their hearts content.

Perhaps they are checking that it's big enough first?

Saves wasting time.

What happens to all these mini-dicked men?
Do they stay single forever?

Oh gawdon you are on form this morning!

Someone has started a help thread for them on the basis of this thread!

Ta :-)

I'd been seeing somebody for about six months. We were out in his car one day and a dog suddenly ran out in the road. My BF tried to brake and miss it but ran it over with a horrible big thud. The poor dog got up and limped off slowly, clearly very hurt. My BF, however, started to drive away. I shouted 'stop the car!', wanting to get out and help the dog, but he just started driving faster, looking v pale and saying 'no, you don't want to see that!'.

I started freaking out and demanding he stopped the car, but he still wouldn't. When we eventually got to some red traffic lights I jumped out and started running back to where it had happened. I looked for ages but never managed to find the dog .

Within a few minutes the twat appeared in his car, all apologetic and blaming it on shock. I screamed at him to feck off, and he eventually did. After that I had about two weeks of phone messages and notes saying he didn't understand what he'd done wrong .

Just remembered another one - he was a PE teacher (don't know why that didn't put me off in the first place!) and when he was 'getting there' he started SHOUTING 'here we go, here we go, here we go....' (getting louder and louder).

Whenever I hear the Chemical Bros 'Superstar DJ' now it makes me smile

Bucharest - Are you shitting me? Linky please?

made me feel momentarily guilty

oops that happened to me (not sport tho) I was locked into a fantasy when I guy who seemed to be understanding was ahem doing me.. and I said something like 'lawks a lummy' (it seemed appropriate at the time in my rich man and matchstick girl head. I have never quite forgotton his confusion and amazement and how quickly he went down! oh dear...
I do remember one guy who had obviously been with some very hot tarts women in his past who was really miffed at my preferred slow build-up. I messed up that one though - one time he really got me really really turned on, and I thought I was shouting some good dirty talk about what I wanted him to do to me (he had a thing for anal).. it turns out that I lost track of what I was actually saying (excellent work x!) but that led to me shouting 'I don't want to be incontinent' instead of 'I really want it in my ass' I didn't notice at the time, only when I came down .. (even more )

Missing that just made me laugh out loud. People are looking at me like I'm strange!!

Missing

Bucharest - blimey, I best don my hard hat and hide that thread. How did a bit of light hearted shit sex story sharing, end with a bloody appeal for all small cocked men? Was I the first to start it?

Me too!

This one was my friend when she was 17/18. She started dating this American army guy based out here. She really liked him until they had sex. They were at it for 3 hours! She came in the next day waddling because she was so sore, and said he'd hidden the condom afterwards and she wasn't sure if he'd even come... She didn't get an orgasm in all that time either.

He was absolutely dumped.

I moved in with a guy, much younger, 21. On the first night he put on a pair of snowboarder patterned pyjamas that his mum had bought him for christmas and he looked like a 8 yr old boy.
I couldn't help commenting, in a joky way, and he acted all hurt and couldn't understand why I was surprised he wore pyjamas. We didn't last much longer, I couldn't ever quite see him as a grown man again (and to be fair, he wasn't really - not in any way)

to some it all up we should have gone and married all the guys with teenie weenies, and we'd all be rich housewifes shagging gardner for kicks