What one weird thing has killed a relationship stone dead in an instant for you?

[talkingmongoose]

Just something that told you there was nooooo future?

I was seeing a chap quite some years ago, pre DH. We had been dating about a year, and were getting into bed at his place when I mentioned that I had my period, just in a casual 'so no rumpy-pumpy tonight' kind of way. The issue had never come up before.

He went all pale with disgust, said 'I wish you hadn't told me that', and proceeded to sleep on the floor.

Utter, utter twunt, I never returned his calls after that. Lucky escape.

[jellykit]

OMG I have come across a "no falling in love" man. I was trying really really hard not to laugh. Was his name John?

[CheerfulYank]

Yama that is by far the most disgusting thing on this thread thus far. EW! A romper suit?

[yama]

He asked his parents for a romper suit for Christmas.

[wanttobefree]

white sports style socks with black slip on shoes, at work one day

[EricNorthmansMistress]

Ewww bt 'eat from' I thought you meant oral until you said his mum!

[Sarsaparilllla]

One bloke I was seeing, he was a virgin before I met him ahem I then took him to a party with all my mates, he got totally out of his mind drunk and told everyone there that I'd taken his virginity

He couldn't get his head round why I was annoyed at him - he was 27 by the way and his mum aslo complained when he cut his hair after we met and blamed me, lucky escape me'thinks

[NotTheMessiahJustMouseface]

at 'MopASock' - genius!

[WhereonearthamI]

Various experiences, including:

a) Guy in RAF. Second date, I travel 150 miles to his camp. He meets me, we have lunch, then back to his....where he dumps me for an hour (after telling me not to leave his room) to collect his motorbike from the garage. Er...ok. Dinner was a microwaved something or other, which did nowt to increase the mood. Later on he started strutting around the place with an erection, asking me whether I thought it looked handsome....no.

b) Bloke I'd been emailing for a while, ran short cruises along the local waterway and invited me for a trip. Spent the entire time telling me how his wife had only just forgiven him for his last affair. And this was suppsoed to be a turn on how?

c) Bloke in the army who've I've known for years. He's now married, very unhappily, and wants an affair. I'd quite happily have very dodgy text convs with him, until he told me he'd be free the next evening for some dirty talk, but made sure I knew he'd be watching hard-core porn at the same time. Ummm...fine, go ahead, but I really, really don't want to know about it.

d) Local fellow recently stopped me and told me how much he loves me, and how he'll watch me walking to work and have inappropriate thoughts about me. Great. If he thinks there's a future in this he's got another thing coming. It's really put me off walking to work since there's at least a 1/2 mile stretch he can see from his house, and the thought of him watching me is not pleasant.

And people wonder why I'm single?

[julesgee]

ahhh....A knitted one...though it could get a little bit warm and cause friction burns? hahaha made me giggle though..his mother as well! I must remember that for the future.

[piranhamorgana]

Ta Da!

[julesgee]

No JessicaDrew, no mutual sock rubbing, I dont think towelling would hit the spot for me

It has just occured to me that I could be on to something here, the new 'Mop a sock' for the masturbating men in your life....like a condom but absorbent.....no more messy jizz dodging, just pop on a sock...it's soft and comfortable.... can be warmed before use, one size fits all....can be washed between use...discreet.....pop in your pocket or even on your foot.....

Whatchya think? shall I put a business plan together?

[NotTheMessiahJustMouseface]

Right you norty lot, I'm off for a lie down after all this smut!

Catch you all tomorrow

[NotTheMessiahJustMouseface]

Ahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Oh My Jeff! That last one had me spit my drink out! Oh Bucharest, I really do love you!

[Bucharest]

Ahem.
Buch calling in with the results of the Italian jury.....
Knockin, you should think yourself lucky it was the sister and not the mother he was biffin......
Italian n1 Called round on a Sunday afternoon for a quick (and very unsatisfactory) shag. Lived with mother.
Italian n 2 Clung like a bloody limpet. You've met him before. He's the "I've never done this before" one.Lived with his mother.
Italian n 3 Danced on tables in bars in manner of lap dancer. Was Bad Bad Boy. Lived with his mother.
Italian n 4. Made wedding dresses and had dreadful BO. You've met him before. He's the one who showed me his scientology collection. He lived with his mother.
Italian n 5. Is sat on the sofa in a pair of muppet pyjamas moaning he has a sore throat. He lived with his mother. (until he fathered my child....)

[BenHer]

Knockin........Bella ragazza.Beautiful girl!

[LaWeasel]

Oh there was a lovely dark haired guitar playing lothario at my Uni who thought I was awesome (because he was secretly a geek and we liked the same tv shows!) and Your Mum jokes went down SO badly with him.

I was already with DH by the time we met, though. Never mind!

[NotTheMessiahJustMouseface]

tony - investment banker you say? What's the slang for that again?

[tonythetiger]

knocking haha, haven't added Italian 'experiences' to my list above. Am sure one was actually biffing his sister (or wanted to).

[tonythetiger]

Really fun and lovely bloke who had an average size willy... But with a long, spindly bit of skin hanging off the end. Didn't know what to do with it!

Went on a few dates w someone vaguely promising. We planned to go to the theatre. He told me to choose saying 'if you choose something I don't like, we're finished so be careful'. We never did see a play.

35 yr old who told me aged 17 'you're such a christian' as I wouldn't shag him in a field on date one. Shame on me I felt obliged to wank him off.

Midway through first date w someone who seemed distracted 'sorry, it's because I haven't placed a bet today. Can we go to ladbrokes?'. Same bloke offered to pay for hotel room that night (hussy emoticon). The next morning he asked to split the bill. I didn't. I was a student, he was an investment banker.

Gorgeous, gorgeous man... Who shaved his pubes off.

Bloke who kissed like a woodpecker. Ow. Tongue right in and out, forcefully.

Foxy postgrad who asked if he could call me Katie (his ex who had dumped him).

There have been some nice ones along the way. Honest.

[knockinontheinnDamnwrongseason]

It was bella-something!

I think the typical smooth dark Italian is hard to come by TBH. I met loads of his friends and they were all stay-at-home mummys boys! Italian mums really don't like to let go.

[NotTheMessiahJustMouseface]

Knocking - I think it's 'bella' for pretty? What a drip though, that has just squashed all of my ideas of a smooth Italian lover.

[NotTheMessiahJustMouseface]

Bibi - well, at least you eventually realised the guy was a freak and left.

I have another guy who was, ahem, a bit odd.

He reminded me of a dog. He kinda liked to 'rub' himself against me before going in IYSWIM? So, I'd been tidying my garden and been a bit OTT with the lady shave. Queue razor rash that looked like I'd been on a date with Sweeney Todd!

There he is, rubbing at me like a deranged ferret and there's me lying there praying for him to stop, for fear of him igniting me through the bloody friction he was causing!

Anyway, we kind of drifted apart after I refused to have sex with him again until my skin have recovered fully. OUCH!

[knockinontheinnDamnwrongseason]

There was the nice Italian lad who was so inexperienced I had to teach him to French kiss - the first time I slipped him a bit of tongue he jumped a mile! After a couple of months he invited me to meet his parents - he still lived at home bless him, and his mum went all-out making lunch, a whole poached salmon, loads of lovely food, and kept pinching my cheek and calling me something that meant 'pretty' (or so he told me!). Absolutely lovely family, I felt totally at home.

After lunch he took me to his room for a cuppa (no, really - anything else wouldn't have occurred to him!) and after chatting for a few minutes he pulled out a big box from under his bed and proceeded to assemble and load his air rifle. Then he opened his bedroom window (lived in flats so we were about five floors up), and invited me to sit on the windowsill and take potshots at the pigeons on the church roof opposite. When I politely declined he pointed down at a yard across the road, and said there were a load of stray cats there and I could try for one of those if I liked.

Er, no thanks.

[lazarusb]

Re: tiny cocks. When I was 16 I was given the best piece of advice I have ever had - always have sex before marriage, there is nothing worse than someone who can't please you in bed and being stuck with them for the rest of your life. My dad told me that and I have followed it to the letter.
As for my tiny cock lad, he was far too nice for me anyway and I would have ruined his life sooner or later if we'd stayed together. (I also later found out he had a girlfriend all along anyway!).