What one weird thing has killed a relationship stone dead in an instant for you?

[talkingmongoose]

Just something that told you there was nooooo future?

I was seeing a chap quite some years ago, pre DH. We had been dating about a year, and were getting into bed at his place when I mentioned that I had my period, just in a casual 'so no rumpy-pumpy tonight' kind of way. The issue had never come up before.

He went all pale with disgust, said 'I wish you hadn't told me that', and proceeded to sleep on the floor.

Utter, utter twunt, I never returned his calls after that. Lucky escape.

I meant re tiny dick guy.

and thankyou for remembering the thread Balloon!

Bucharest, seriously was he(she) prettier than you
come on now truth please

He (??) was very pretty.Lovely long hair.
Bizarrely,I think his name was Man.

I was wondering the same Balloon ! I mean, what are the odds really?

Oh my god this thread is just too frigging funny!

How about the guy I met who lived in his own flat who one Sunday his parents came round, let themselves in, filled his fridge with food, left £20 and a packet of cigarettes on his coffee table and then left without him even getting up from his chair?
This man was 38 years old by the way!!!

Or the guy who had a '2 for one' sunglasses voucher for Boots and who got me a pair as well and then asked me for £10!!. Apparantly it was because I 'Would have had to pay that for them if I was buying them myself'. I only agreed to get them because he was getting a pair himself and offered to get me those ones as well.

God I know how to pick em don't I?

Oh I almost forgot the guy who I met on holiday, three days later he offered to 'give me a massage', which involved rather a lot of nakedness and oil , it was obvious to a blind nun where it was headed, then he rubbed a rather hard part of himself up against me and murmured sexily in my ear "It's a massage tool, shall I rub you with it?"

Oh wait, now I come to think of it, it wasn't some random guy. We got married three years later.

He still gives a good massage!

I spent a very short night with Mr Gorgeous Tiny Dick, as well. I mean rich, very attractive, intelligent, funny, well-connected - and a long-standing friend. I couldn't bring myself to tell him what was wrong, so painted myself as even more of an emotional lunatic than I am ... that was the end of the friendship, too :(

There was also Mr Boomerang Dick I'm afraid I burst out laughing. In my defence, I was very young.

The guy who has posted this review of his own work on Facebook: "This is fabulous stuff: it has the probing pith of Montaigne and virtuoso style of Shakespeare". Here is the virtuoso piece. Way to go, Mat

Clouds, how do you know about the tangy orange flavour?

A guy singing Foreigner's 'I've been waiting for a girl like you to come into my life' to me.
Dead as a dodo.

I once spent time with a boyfriend in France. He was doing something else, so I went into a little supermarket and bought a couple of things. When I'd got past the checkout I saw him standing near the exit, so obviously I went over to him, quite happily.
And he snarled at me: "See, you don't like it when someone laughs at you for speaking French, do you?" It was so totally randomly nasty and pointless. I remember sitting in the car and thinking "What the FUCK is he on about? I just asked for a bag and I got one and the person was pleasant and that was that."

I can see now that he was really just trying to mess with my mind and make me doubt myself, the fucker. It's quite chilling to think how random some men are when it comes to trying to erode self-esteem. Luckily I was too unmoved by the thought of a cashier possibly laughing at someone for asking for a bag wrongly, so I dismissed it as a bit of weirdness (and dumped him soon afterwards, obviously there was loads more, but that was one of the first things to happen).

Overcooked: I once went out with a guy who announced after I had 'pleasured' him orally - 'wow, that was the second best blow job I have ever had' - thing is I stayed with him a bit longer - hmmm!

I have had this too!! But then he said '... but the first one was from a professional'.

The Australian guy I'd being seeing for a few months. Professional, well-dressed, sporty, generous, fun, etc. Until casually over a meal one night he told me an anecdote in which his previous girlfriend the lap dancer featured!

I think I said 'I'm sorry, what did she do?' and he then clarified which salubrious club she worked at, without appearing to think there was anything odd about this information.

Sorry, but I was not going to be the girlfriend after the lap dancer.

Kitty - that's even worse than the first comment! I hope you kicked him in the cock.

Oh my Jeff, this thread is like crack, I'm hooked!

I went out with an Old Etonian (sp?) on a few dates. He was very posh and rich, he had a flat on the King's Road and mummy and daddy lived in the stately pile. They had a Rolls Royce with an animal from their family crest where the Silver lady usually is. I think it may have been an Owl. Anyway he told me on our third date about his ex-girlfriend, Olga the billionaires daughter or something, who he had shagged on the bonnet of the Roller, using the Owl as a butt plug, and how much she loved it. I knew I was way out of my depth, and made my excuses!

Loving the 'no, it's fine as it is!'

Well, glad you're all right then! Bet that guy is now moaning about how demanding his girlfriends are in the sack.

"...using the Owl as a butt plug"

That sounds extremely uncomfortable!

glasto - I've just spat Diet Coke all over the netbook! Silver Owl for a butt plug!

Kitty - it turns out he was shagging his best friend (female) and that's how she liked it. Twat.

Owl guys best mate was going out with a friend of mine, and said the story was true.

My ex shouted at me in front of my mum and then refused to talk to me for the next hour or so because............I said I didn't want to walk all the way back to the supermarket in the hot summer sun for a 90p refund on a bag of crisps he'd been overcharged for.

Stingy horrible git!

There were lots of warning signs but that was the major one. Nasty piece of work, glad I wasn't seeing him for long!

Out of shame wasn't going to post this but decided I've laughed so much I owe it to the thread.

Mild one first!! The one who turned out to have a clicky jaw. Only discovered this while snogging him & listening to his jaw go click, clack, click, clack............Killed it dead.

The one who told me he could only shag me once a week due to the AD's he was taking............Killed it dead.

Saved the best till last. The one who turned out to have huge protruding ears (somehow I'd never noticed) & oh shame of shame turned out to have a tattoo of his Mother on his shoulder. In the heat of the moment I decided to keep going & that if I didn't look at mammy it might still be ok. He proceeded at two min intervals to give running commentry "this is nice". Thought it might still be ok & tried to put myself in a trance like state so that I might block out his voice & images of mammy. Through sheer powers of mind over matter I managed to push myself over the finishing line, so to speak but alas just as his "this is nice" reached fever pitch & he popped his load, I found myself eyeball to eyeball with a stony faced mammy!! To try & recover from the experience I posted about it on here & a very helpful mumsnetter christened him MumboDumbo & suggested in future I use his ears for steering & cover mammy with a big bandage

that's hilarious!