I live with my worst nightmare.

[Sorrowfulsoul]

My partner and I have a 1 year old toddler. But he does nothing, I manage all the rent, bills, groceries, baby maintenance, chores, cooking. I work from home and take care of our little one whilst doing so and he just sleeps until 2pm I mean he said he would take care of the baby once I return to work but hardly does much. He doesn’t work and says he is looking for a job but there isn’t much effort I’m seeing. I am now worse off than I was before him, I am in debt with my energy company, I am in debt with my council tax, I am struggling to make ends meet. My glasses have been broken and I can’t afford to get them fixed as I can’t pay for the travel there and new glasses and they’re terrible smashed. I wear contacts which cost £25 a month. I couldn’t afford them this month and have run out, I literally work and cannot see a thing and have the laptop right up to my face. My partner is aware of this. My son has been wearing small under vests because I can’t afford them. I dress him in 3/4 layers as I can’t afford to buy him clothes. It is the middle of the month and I broke down to my mom and told her all this she has transferred me some money for contacts and bits for my little one and her and my sister have ordered him clothes, sock, vests for the cold weather. There are days I have to decide between a necessity for me or to get my toddler something and obvs it’s always my toddler as he comes first. 2 months ago on my period I couldn’t even afford pads and had to use tissue. My life is in tatters and I finally see it for what it is and i know im in a bad situation. He knows all this and he also knows he doesn’t help I’ve said this several times in arguments and all but nothing. He had cheated on me whilst I was pregnant and after I gave birth the first 2 months of DC life. But like a idiot at that point I forgave him and also at that point he was managing the finances it’s only since I’ve been back at work in July I manage it all. He lost his job due to prison as he broke a non mol order his ex had against him by reaching out to see his kids. I have lost his chain I say lost but I’ve misplaced it somewhere it’s £400 but this was around the beginning of this year when I was in postpartum and had only been a month that I had caught him with nudes on his phone so head wasn’t in the right place. Now he wants this necklace found and if I don’t find it he will take back everything he ever brought for me which tbf I don’t care about as it was never about things for me he can have all the shit but it’s the mindset. Last year I lost £800 because of his sentence as I had booked us a holiday I never once complained, I’ve brought him several expensive things but it never comes to my mind to take them back so that shows the kind of person he is and as does everything else he is like show it. He has also said he has had a dream I gave this chain to someone and if I don’t find it there will be questions that arise I mean I find him sickening to even say that I’ve got my flaws but I don’t and am not a cheat and wouldn’t give his stuff to anyone either who even thinks like that? So strange to me.. I’m here looking for this chain today as he keeps mentioning it every now and again and has also said to me I need to take a day off to find this chain and if I don’t find it ofc accusations will start.. I can’t fucking find it!! I don’t know if I’ve thrown it away accidentally or what but I just feel sick. Don’t judge my grammar please I’ve just sat here and wrote this emotionally

(I know it isn't but) this sounds like a fake thread, because it's just so awful.

It will be a hard few weeks, but just think... by Christmas you and your boy could be away from him, and all of this will just be a bad memory. Think how free you will feel and focus on that x

Nextexitisthelast · Today 22:41

Cool story bro

MagentaRocks · Today 22:46

Why would you say this? You do realise how prevalent domestic abuse is and how many women are likely to be living in similar scenarios to this one. If you don’t have anything decent to say just leave the thread.

Probably posted on the wrong thread.

I hope you’ve read all these replies OP and are making a plan. After typing out your first post, you know very well that you are in an untenable situation and a toxic relationship which is having a massive effect on your whole life and your child’s. After your 2nd and 3rd posts - you know very well you are in danger. It may be an empty threat now but no sane man or decent father makes threats to harm his child’s mother and her family.

The debt you are in is irrelevant compared to getting away from this man. If you need to stop paying bills/rent to enable you to do it, do it. This is a temporary problem which can be explained and sorted out later. The only important thing is leaving with your DC which you need to do while taking DC for a walk first thing. If he’s asleep you can take a few clothes with you. Get to your mum’s and call the police while there stating that he’s made threats to kill you and your family and won’t leave your house. He had no legal right to be there if he’s not on the tenancy. Make sure you explain his background with his ex and prison too. Once he’s out, you can decide on whether you want to go back or ideally end the tenancy and stay near your mum so you have support. If you WFH, you don’t need to stay in the current area for work?

You should have a police report as back up to show the landlord the reason you need to end the tenancy if you decide not to go back. I certainly wouldn’t. You’ll be much better off with a fresh start and single parent benefits while your DC is too young for school and can probably get help with nursery costs so you can work without doing childcare as well?

There’s a reason his ex got a non molestation order. I doubt you’ll have a problem getting one too, especially as he’s been to prison for breaking it, if he starts anything else. Get a doorbell camera for your mum’s while you are there and record anything else that happens.

Please heed the advice on here OP, your situation is dangerous. Contact Womens Aid and your mum, but don't let him know. Delete your phone and search history and show up lots of recipes and child rearing stuff, do not have an empty phone history. While he's sleeping, pack up baby's stuff, your laptop and phone and chargers and a couple of changes of clothes for yourself - warm coat if you've got one, and all important documents like birth certificate, passport, tenancy agreement, etc, and get to your mum's as soon as possible while he's still sleeping.

Only go to the police once you're safe, do not risk him hearing you. Really really feel for you - please let us know how you get on💐

Fucks sake, is this thread a joke? Just throw the whole man away!

Call womens aid for advice on leaving safety. They will know what to do to keep yourself safe. The main thing is don't tell him you're leaving till it's done.

I really feel for you. Congratulations for realising this needs to end, you'll be so much better off without him.

I would also make sure he can't access your phone with this convo x

You can also go into a pharmacist to ask for help xx

So sorry OP. Just up and leave.
He will probably try to harrass you so you'll need to get some support.
Men like this are nasty. He probably has the necklace but is using it as a stick to beat you - for fun.
Once you are away you will feel so much better. You have a job too, you can be independent. x

It's so awful that you are not the only woman in this situation tonight. Women need to be taught about this, to recognise the signs, to be more able to leave. And we should all donate to our local women's shelters.

Why would you bring a child into the world with someone like that?
You need to leave, now.

is it possible he’s hidden the chain so he can hold it over you ? He does sound manipulative from your description of him.

?

Your best course of action is to contact Womens Aid. They can help you decide whether to go straight into a refuge with your baby or try and hold the tenancy. Get your doctor to sign you off work with anxiety/stress just now.
Could you negotiate with your optician to get your new contacts? Eg can they add the cost of this month's onto your payment plan.
Womens Aid will help you sort out the debt issues.

Please leave for the safety of yourself and your baby.call womens aid. He could be hiding his chain or could have sold it just to deliberately make you anxious

OP hope you are okay, let us know you are safe.

Has anyone heard from OP? I fear that he may have had access to her phone. I hope she is OK x

@BlumminKids I'm worried too as OP hasn't got back.