I live with my worst nightmare.

[Sorrowfulsoul]

My partner and I have a 1 year old toddler. But he does nothing, I manage all the rent, bills, groceries, baby maintenance, chores, cooking. I work from home and take care of our little one whilst doing so and he just sleeps until 2pm I mean he said he would take care of the baby once I return to work but hardly does much. He doesn’t work and says he is looking for a job but there isn’t much effort I’m seeing. I am now worse off than I was before him, I am in debt with my energy company, I am in debt with my council tax, I am struggling to make ends meet. My glasses have been broken and I can’t afford to get them fixed as I can’t pay for the travel there and new glasses and they’re terrible smashed. I wear contacts which cost £25 a month. I couldn’t afford them this month and have run out, I literally work and cannot see a thing and have the laptop right up to my face. My partner is aware of this. My son has been wearing small under vests because I can’t afford them. I dress him in 3/4 layers as I can’t afford to buy him clothes. It is the middle of the month and I broke down to my mom and told her all this she has transferred me some money for contacts and bits for my little one and her and my sister have ordered him clothes, sock, vests for the cold weather. There are days I have to decide between a necessity for me or to get my toddler something and obvs it’s always my toddler as he comes first. 2 months ago on my period I couldn’t even afford pads and had to use tissue. My life is in tatters and I finally see it for what it is and i know im in a bad situation. He knows all this and he also knows he doesn’t help I’ve said this several times in arguments and all but nothing. He had cheated on me whilst I was pregnant and after I gave birth the first 2 months of DC life. But like a idiot at that point I forgave him and also at that point he was managing the finances it’s only since I’ve been back at work in July I manage it all. He lost his job due to prison as he broke a non mol order his ex had against him by reaching out to see his kids. I have lost his chain I say lost but I’ve misplaced it somewhere it’s £400 but this was around the beginning of this year when I was in postpartum and had only been a month that I had caught him with nudes on his phone so head wasn’t in the right place. Now he wants this necklace found and if I don’t find it he will take back everything he ever brought for me which tbf I don’t care about as it was never about things for me he can have all the shit but it’s the mindset. Last year I lost £800 because of his sentence as I had booked us a holiday I never once complained, I’ve brought him several expensive things but it never comes to my mind to take them back so that shows the kind of person he is and as does everything else he is like show it. He has also said he has had a dream I gave this chain to someone and if I don’t find it there will be questions that arise I mean I find him sickening to even say that I’ve got my flaws but I don’t and am not a cheat and wouldn’t give his stuff to anyone either who even thinks like that? So strange to me.. I’m here looking for this chain today as he keeps mentioning it every now and again and has also said to me I need to take a day off to find this chain and if I don’t find it ofc accusations will start.. I can’t fucking find it!! I don’t know if I’ve thrown it away accidentally or what but I just feel sick. Don’t judge my grammar please I’ve just sat here and wrote this emotionally

Please contact womens aid. They are so good. Please, please leave this man. Xxx

You leave with your child or he leaves.

Please contact Women's Aid

Notify the police that he has made these threats. Please get him out. Could you go back to your family?

it would have taken less effort to pack my shit up and leave than to type out this testimonial. What on earth are you doing with your life?

This is an abusive relationship and he's implied threats. It's not as easy as that or no woman would be in an abusive relationship. It does take a plan (and usually support) to leave, plus abuse wears people down.

OP is his name on the tenancy too?

He paid the deposit for the property and he was paying the rent until June.

And so I’m not sure what his rights are to stay in the property.

I would seriously consider going on the council home list and getting your own place away from him and closer to your family.

Keep it secret from him and plan it.

You could even say that you are being kicked out or even that you are living with your parents and give their address.

It also means cheaper rent in social housing, meaning you’d be able to afford it alone.

If you let us know what area you live, we may be able to look it up for you.

Are you close to your loved ones? I'd tell my family in a safe space ideally while he isn't around about the threats and speak to woman's aid.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, the first step is reaching out to someone.

He paid the deposit for the property and he was paying the rent until June. And so I’m not sure what his rights are to stay in the property.

Still none legally if his name isn't on the tenancy.

As a victim of domestic abuse you will be a priority for rehousing

Do whatever you can to get the hell away from him. Go visit your mum with your baby and then figure it out from there.

I think your best bet for help with a housing application is Women's Aid @Sorrowfulsoul , perhaps including a stay at a refuge. Make clear the threats and his criminal history.

They must be pretty good at helping ensure people secure social housing afterwards if needed.

Are you able to stay with your mum or anyone?

As the PP said, I definitely think it’s easier to sort things out when you’re out of the house away from him.

Then I’d contact the council and not tell him your new address.

You will need proof of the abuse/threats or the council may consider you to have made yourself intentionally homeless unfortunately, so you wouldn't be eligible for their help with housing.

So logging something with WA/the police is your best bet for that. WA will help you come up with a plan to safely leave- important as he has a past history of abuse/harrassment with women.

I mean, you could get on the council waiting list without being declared homeless, but if you get awarded priority need due to homelessness (which can include living with your mum as that's not counted as a permanent home of your own) you're probably looking at a couple of months' wait rather than a lot longer.

I could’ve wrote this.
Please please leave him whilst you still have the energy to realise that you deserve better. And you can get better. There’s a whole life out there waiting for you, please take those baby steps. Don’t end up like me. I’m a shell of my former self because of a man like this, I’m depressed and on PIP because my mental health is so poor I can’t leave the house. This life isn’t worth living, but you can make a new start. Please contact women’s aid and get out whilst you can x

Out of curiosity , how did your glasses get broken?

Well, his ex doesn’t have a non molestation for nothing…

He doesn’t work.
He’s not looking for work.
He sleeps in all day and does fuck all.
He doesn’t help with anything, not chores not looking after his own child.
He accuses you of cheating.
He cheats.
He cheated while you were pregnant and when you gave birth and for the first two months of your child’s life.

But here’s the kicker…

He’s threatened to kill you and your family if you leave.

You need to log everything with the police and you need to kick this complete cunt out. Please.

@Sorrowfulsoul
@DutifulDaughterWifeMother what this poster has already said.
Your post is a heartbreaking read, i was upset when i read about you not being able to afford to fix your glasses. Could you contact Step Change or Christians against Poverty for help and advice about your finances? You would be certainly better off without your "housemate" who sounds an absolute nightmare. To expect you to take time off work to find his &£"! chain when he does nothing !

You have your Mum, even though she is a distance away, please reach out to friends and family so they know your intentions, and of course Women's Aid.
Remember you already might as well be a single parent, i hope things improve for you very soon.

Please op... for your son's sake get in touch with women"s aid. You can chat online. Can you message police on 101. Make sure you delete all your Internet history. Work with your mum on moving back home if you can.
You need to get away from this violent scary man as quick as you can without alerting him.

Well said. It isn’t as easy as just leaving. Leaving is actually the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. It is important to do this right, and with support to keep safe. All the people saying ‘just leave’ obviously don’t understand how abusive relationships work.

Why would you say this? You do realise how prevalent domestic abuse is and how many women are likely to be living in similar scenarios to this one. If you don’t have anything decent to say just leave the thread.

@Sorrowfulsoul go to the park with your child, call the police and make an application under Claire's law. This charmer has history, I'll bet more than you are aware of, and you may well be able to use it to your advantage.

if the police have information already it will be easier for them to help you. He is dangerous and you need help to leave safely; it's not safer to stay with him.

Go into a refuge. Asap.

Some excellent advice already OP. I just want to tell you you sound like a fantastic Mum and you’ve taken a huge step just posting about this.

I know you can free yourself from this man.

Please just get him out and get him arrested/restraining order/go to a women’s refuge. Anything!