I live with my worst nightmare.

[Sorrowfulsoul]

My partner and I have a 1 year old toddler. But he does nothing, I manage all the rent, bills, groceries, baby maintenance, chores, cooking. I work from home and take care of our little one whilst doing so and he just sleeps until 2pm I mean he said he would take care of the baby once I return to work but hardly does much. He doesn’t work and says he is looking for a job but there isn’t much effort I’m seeing. I am now worse off than I was before him, I am in debt with my energy company, I am in debt with my council tax, I am struggling to make ends meet. My glasses have been broken and I can’t afford to get them fixed as I can’t pay for the travel there and new glasses and they’re terrible smashed. I wear contacts which cost £25 a month. I couldn’t afford them this month and have run out, I literally work and cannot see a thing and have the laptop right up to my face. My partner is aware of this. My son has been wearing small under vests because I can’t afford them. I dress him in 3/4 layers as I can’t afford to buy him clothes. It is the middle of the month and I broke down to my mom and told her all this she has transferred me some money for contacts and bits for my little one and her and my sister have ordered him clothes, sock, vests for the cold weather. There are days I have to decide between a necessity for me or to get my toddler something and obvs it’s always my toddler as he comes first. 2 months ago on my period I couldn’t even afford pads and had to use tissue. My life is in tatters and I finally see it for what it is and i know im in a bad situation. He knows all this and he also knows he doesn’t help I’ve said this several times in arguments and all but nothing. He had cheated on me whilst I was pregnant and after I gave birth the first 2 months of DC life. But like a idiot at that point I forgave him and also at that point he was managing the finances it’s only since I’ve been back at work in July I manage it all. He lost his job due to prison as he broke a non mol order his ex had against him by reaching out to see his kids. I have lost his chain I say lost but I’ve misplaced it somewhere it’s £400 but this was around the beginning of this year when I was in postpartum and had only been a month that I had caught him with nudes on his phone so head wasn’t in the right place. Now he wants this necklace found and if I don’t find it he will take back everything he ever brought for me which tbf I don’t care about as it was never about things for me he can have all the shit but it’s the mindset. Last year I lost £800 because of his sentence as I had booked us a holiday I never once complained, I’ve brought him several expensive things but it never comes to my mind to take them back so that shows the kind of person he is and as does everything else he is like show it. He has also said he has had a dream I gave this chain to someone and if I don’t find it there will be questions that arise I mean I find him sickening to even say that I’ve got my flaws but I don’t and am not a cheat and wouldn’t give his stuff to anyone either who even thinks like that? So strange to me.. I’m here looking for this chain today as he keeps mentioning it every now and again and has also said to me I need to take a day off to find this chain and if I don’t find it ofc accusations will start.. I can’t fucking find it!! I don’t know if I’ve thrown it away accidentally or what but I just feel sick. Don’t judge my grammar please I’ve just sat here and wrote this emotionally

Can you contact Women's Aid? You need to be free of this abusive, horrible man.
Is he on the birth certificate? If not, you can keep your child from him too.
Honestly, it sounds like you'd be better going to your Mum's to stay, if you can. Get a non-molestation order on you/your child too.
Any way you can, get free. x

He has that chain and is playing games

This is absolutely awful. If he is not on the house get rid of him somehow, phone the police or something. Do not live your life like this. Why is he going on about a chain when he pays for nothing? He probably has it anyway and s using it as a hold over you. Please got help from your family or somewhere. Surely they would not want you to live like this.

Op, you may feel like you are in a very bad place but it is far from being as bad as you think:

1. He is not contributing financially, if you kick him out you will have more money as paying for an adult’s upkeep costs a good few hundred a month.
2. Go to entitledto.co.uk and calculate how much you will get in universal credit if you are on your own with a child and with the hours you are working, you may get surprised if your income is not massive.
3. You don’t need to worry about raising a child on your own, you are doing it already and believe me, it is much easier to raise a child on your very own than raising him on your very own with an irresponsible man.
4. The tenancy is on your name only, that makes things so so much easier.
5. You have family an hour away, that’s not bad at all.

So the main issues you have to sort are:
a) talk to WomensAid about how to safely remove him from your house, it may be as simple as changing the locks but make sure you ask them for legal advice on how to ensure your child is safe and he doesn’t take him with him (don’t worry too much about this, men who are not very involved in raising their kids are very likely to want little contact but it is important that you establish yourself as the resident parent quickly so you can receive child benefit and universal credit (the parent with care gets them, if your child spends more nights a year with his dad than you, he will get the benefits and you will need to pay child maintenance. (You may want to post in the legal topic in mumsnet for advice)

b)get in touch with the police to report his threats, they may not do much about them but it is very very important that there is record of them in case he becomes more threatening and you need to use these reports as evidence of escalating behaviour or ask for a non molestation order. Having a police warning may help to to stop the threatening behaviour before it escalates.

Best of luck and keep strong, you can manage without him, you are managing already.

Call womens aid. Get him out and out pronto. He's a waste of space and you know it but the coercive control has got you. Get a non mol order against him. If he plays up Call the police and get him kicked out have ur family there if needed. He is living sponging of you and you'll be better of without this one. Good luck

This is a great post.

Take a deep breath, stop listening to ANYTHING he says (it's a mixture of lies and threats, it's not helping), and make a cool calm plan in your head to do something like @AlienBabi did. There is nothing for you there, it sounds like you're the one in prison.

And forget the godforsaken chain. He's either got it or it's lost. People lose things. He's just fucking with you by making this item feel like some huge obstacle!!!

It's not your job to look after your partner's possessions. He has probably taken it and sold it, now he's blaming you. If he gave it to you as a gift, he has no right to it back anyway. He owes you for his board and lodging so you can just say it's even.

With him gone you'd have less drain on resources, single persons discount on council tax and a lot more safety.

Another vote for Woman’s Aid, OP. This is exactly what they are there for. I’m sorry you have to live with this absolute ballsack.

Wow. I can’t believe what I’ve just read. Op please read all this advice very carefully and be brave, do whatever you can to get rid of this prick. He’s not a partner and he’s not a dad. You deserve a better life that this. As does your little one.

No advice I can give, sorry, but things can and will improve if you follow the other steps outlined here. You know that the way you are being treated is in no way acceptable; I wish you all the very best with your future. Some day when you and your son are thriving -either with or without another partner- you will look back at this day as the one when things changed around. The necklace is an irrelevance and the deposit is lost- so don't dwell on either- kick him out and be prepared to dial 999. If you have a friend or family member to hand, all the better.

OP is he on licence or PSS? Does he have a probation officer?
If he went to prison for breach of non mol there is a significant history.
You might want to do a Claire's law request to see for yourself the truth of it all. Tbh you don't need to he is showing you who he is.
Contact women's aid from your mum's, NCDV can help you apply for a non mol, the application for this will be stronger if you have a crime reference number, so you might want to report the threats, coercive and controlling behaviour is now also an offence in its own right, you definitely have examples of this.
Who is on the tenancy?

OP, he has been in prison and has previous order/s against him. The police will take you seriously if you tell them about his threats.

You have had some great advice on here, I hope you find the strength to follow it.

You can break free from him and live a life where you can afford to live.

Other posters have great advice. You need to see what financial help you are entitled to. Can you give up your rental and move in with family ? Bless you 💖

I’d go as far as to say he has hidden the chain
to mess with your head or sold it.
He’s accusing you of stuff when he’s the bad guy he’s abusive and down right horrible and a user.
Agree as others have said . Contact women’s aid and the police .
You have a choice to keep your hoke or go to your mums which do you prefer . You can make this happen . ❤️

This.
I know 2 women who work for the Police in DV units, they are in different constabularies and they are both absolutely lovely and excellent at their jobs.
Please don't be afraid of the Police.

I know you're scared of him Op and believe he will hurt you if you try to leave but this is no life for you, it's certainly no life for your DC. Please stop listening to him and get away or make him leave, if you stay your DC will have an awful childhood with a Father like him. Please be brave, you can do this, don't let this shit of a man ruin everything for you

Yep, very much down the list of priorities at the moment, but for future reference the Display Screen Equipment regulations are the relevant thing to mention
https://www.hse.gov.uk/msd/dse/eye-tests.htm

I remembered your other posts Sorrowfulsoul. I agree with other posters that Women's Aid can help you. Hope you get the courage to ask for help to make him leave. FWIW, I'm another one who thinks he has hidden the chain.

I agree ^^

This, absolutely this. Tell him to find the chain himself if that is he hasn't already sold it. Then bill him for his share of the bills. Get him out of your life as fast as possible OP. Don't chase him for contact with his child just let him go.

OP honestly he sounds abusive and I’m sorry but he doesn’t love you or he wouldn’t treat you this way.

you need to get out of the relationship and pursue him for child maintenance payments so you’re not funding everything alone.

you don’t say your housing situation but if the worst comes to the worst can you go and stay with your mum or sister m while you get back on your feet?

Leaving him will be incredibly hard but it will be far better for you and DC in the long run.

sending you my very best thoughts as the situation sounds so very difficult. I’m pregnant now with a supportive OH and that’s hard enough, my heart goes out to you I can’t imagine doing it essentially all alone.

He is bringing no benefit to your life. You’d be better off without him - literally. You’d have more money being a single Mum. Possibility of more benefits and he’d legally have to pay maintainence (I know easier said that done) and you wouldn’t be paying for another adult to live. He sounds like a low life so kick him out.

I am so sorry you have this revolting piece of shit in your life. I can see why his ex has non mol order in place.

I am not exaggerating OP, this is one of the worse situations I have read about on here.

Phone WA ASAP and ask for practical help. You sound like a decent person and should not have to live like this, no one should. Tell WA and police you do not have the money to change the locks, but need to. Would LL do it and then you can pay him back? Try and get someone to come to yours and support you to get the cunt out of your life forever.

Once he has gone, look at how to improve your financial situation, food banks? Tell him you want the £400 you lost for his share of the holiday. I don’t believe for a minute you are responsible for his £400 chain missing- tell him to prove it.

He is a number 1 total waste of oxygen. You need him gone before he affects your little one. Get advice about your own non mol order. If he demands access to baby, tell him to go to court. You can do this, you are a mum now. Do it for you and your baby.

Op can you pack up you and your son and go and live with your mum? Start again? This situation sounds like there's nothing in it worth saving and all that matters is that you and your son are safe.