I live with my worst nightmare.

[Sorrowfulsoul]

My partner and I have a 1 year old toddler. But he does nothing, I manage all the rent, bills, groceries, baby maintenance, chores, cooking. I work from home and take care of our little one whilst doing so and he just sleeps until 2pm I mean he said he would take care of the baby once I return to work but hardly does much. He doesn’t work and says he is looking for a job but there isn’t much effort I’m seeing. I am now worse off than I was before him, I am in debt with my energy company, I am in debt with my council tax, I am struggling to make ends meet. My glasses have been broken and I can’t afford to get them fixed as I can’t pay for the travel there and new glasses and they’re terrible smashed. I wear contacts which cost £25 a month. I couldn’t afford them this month and have run out, I literally work and cannot see a thing and have the laptop right up to my face. My partner is aware of this. My son has been wearing small under vests because I can’t afford them. I dress him in 3/4 layers as I can’t afford to buy him clothes. It is the middle of the month and I broke down to my mom and told her all this she has transferred me some money for contacts and bits for my little one and her and my sister have ordered him clothes, sock, vests for the cold weather. There are days I have to decide between a necessity for me or to get my toddler something and obvs it’s always my toddler as he comes first. 2 months ago on my period I couldn’t even afford pads and had to use tissue. My life is in tatters and I finally see it for what it is and i know im in a bad situation. He knows all this and he also knows he doesn’t help I’ve said this several times in arguments and all but nothing. He had cheated on me whilst I was pregnant and after I gave birth the first 2 months of DC life. But like a idiot at that point I forgave him and also at that point he was managing the finances it’s only since I’ve been back at work in July I manage it all. He lost his job due to prison as he broke a non mol order his ex had against him by reaching out to see his kids. I have lost his chain I say lost but I’ve misplaced it somewhere it’s £400 but this was around the beginning of this year when I was in postpartum and had only been a month that I had caught him with nudes on his phone so head wasn’t in the right place. Now he wants this necklace found and if I don’t find it he will take back everything he ever brought for me which tbf I don’t care about as it was never about things for me he can have all the shit but it’s the mindset. Last year I lost £800 because of his sentence as I had booked us a holiday I never once complained, I’ve brought him several expensive things but it never comes to my mind to take them back so that shows the kind of person he is and as does everything else he is like show it. He has also said he has had a dream I gave this chain to someone and if I don’t find it there will be questions that arise I mean I find him sickening to even say that I’ve got my flaws but I don’t and am not a cheat and wouldn’t give his stuff to anyone either who even thinks like that? So strange to me.. I’m here looking for this chain today as he keeps mentioning it every now and again and has also said to me I need to take a day off to find this chain and if I don’t find it ofc accusations will start.. I can’t fucking find it!! I don’t know if I’ve thrown it away accidentally or what but I just feel sick. Don’t judge my grammar please I’ve just sat here and wrote this emotionally

You poor, poor thing. What an appalling situation and one that I doubt you ever thought you would be in.
Take all the advice you can & escape. It can be done and I can only imagine how frightening it is, but you have no choice. For your sake and that of your dc, do all that you can to leave.
My thoughts are with you. Life will get better than this, much better.

Op do you claim universal credit?
call the police when he’s bed all day and have them remove him from the property.
He’s abusing you, also just my two cents but i hazard a guess he’s had this chain and sold it and is manipulating you into giving him money.

Have you considered he might have the necklace but is gaslighting and holding this over you, to stop you throwing him.out. To quote Fireman Sam, 'get out, stay out, dial 999'

Is he out on license or whatever it's called? If so report him for the threats and god willing he'll go back to prison. Problem solved.

5his is 100% abuse, emotional, and coercive control .
Please please, please get out.
You can start by speaking to womens aid, get him out of the house and change the locks, then phone the police.
Hes a scummy waste of space with a history of being abusive, you don't just get non mol orders for nothing.
Whilst you're at it, see if you can put in an application through Claires law, you need to actually know the details of his DV past.

I am so so sorry, I need you to know that life can, and will get better without this waster in it.

More long term, but I would see, if possible if your mum and sister may be able to help you relocate. Obviously not knowing you or too many of your circumstances, but is relocation to where your family are possible? Can you transfer your job? I don't know but I think you need people who love you to help keep an eye out for you given his past and his threats.

What a horrible man. Dump his ass and move closer to your mum and sister with your little one. Both of your lives will immediately improve, believe me.

As for cheap baby/toddler clothes, I can recommend Facebook Market place where you can get cheap second hand bundles for next to nothing.

Really sorry to read this, OP, but you've had excellent advice and I hope you've been able to do what's suggested. There's a lot of help out there, and I'm sure your family would help you too.

Men like this POS should have a fucking warning tattoed on them somewhere, so women can see that they're dangerous as soon as they take their clothes off.

Similarly suspect he has his chain or he lost it abd is using this to control you. he very likely has a non mol against him because he has been violent towards a partner in the past. your situation sounds awful, really sorry you are going through this. get help from any and every resource available- women's aid, ncdv, police, social services, see whether you can get legal aid for help with a non mol. you are likely going to need one. if he said he will beat you there's a reason to have one. good luck. please get out of this. you and your DC deserve so much more and better.

I don't understand you haven't gone to the police. He is threatening to kill you if you take any steps to remove him or involve the police. He isn't more dangerous if you call the police, he's already clearly very dangerous. But you will be a lot safer.

I'm sorry to come back again, but OP, I'm genuinely concerned for you.
This waster is in your house, watching you and your son go without the bare necessities of sanitary products, without the ability to flipping see! And your son doesn't have appropriate fitting clothes. You don't leave your village anymore. You go to work, the park and the shops.
And you deal with accusations and threats regularly.
This is no way to live. I'm so so sorry. Please know that both of you deserve so much more than him.

This may be the scariest thing you ever do, but I am confident that you can get the support to do this. In a years time, your life will be much easier, and happier.

Your baby is only 1. He knows nothing right now.
He will start to show fear when he is 2.
By the time he is 3 he will be subdued.
By the time he is 7 he will be wetting his bed every night.
By the time he is 17 he will be treating his girlfriends exactly the same as he sees his Dad treating you! He will do that because you have stayed with him and made it normal.
The cycle perpetuates
Work through your fear so that your baby doesn't become that man. Please x

Love please call the police. They will believe you he has form. Please please don’t let him treat you like this you are worth so much more.

This is a horrible and what sounds like abusive situation. I think you should contact a charity - Refuge maybe - to get some advice. Don't struggle alone.

Agree womens aid can help you.
what an absolute waste of space. You will be so much better off without him. Please tell your mum and your sister exactly what you’ve said here; his behaviour and treatment of you is abusive. Don’t hesitate to call the police if he gives you any shit (now and when you finally kick him out.) Xxxxxx

How old is your little boy, and what size of clothes do you need for him? I have boxes of clothes sitting in the cupboards that I keep meaning to donate- I can send you them if you need :)

also ditch him- you and your child deserve better!

My sentiments exactly.

Speak to the police, he has narcistic tendencies and is emotionally and financially abusing you.

What a loser he is.

Get shut of him. He owes you more than £800. He's been sponging off you for months! Give him nothing. Ask your family to come round when you speak to the police.

Good luck @Sorrowfulsoul x

wow that's unhelpful. Have you never heard of how abusers manipulate and control and how hard it is to get away.

You do realise you can get very cheap glasses online?

If that was for me... I'm well aware. I lived trough i. I made a lot of bad decisions but thankfully my boys are not rapists and my daughter hasn't been raped. I'm glad I got away when I did x

OMG what a horrible read.
Please, grab your child, and any documents you can, get out of the house, and contact the police. Worry about the rest afterwards, be guided by police and Woman's Aid. Never let this man anywhere near you or your child again, he is seriously dangerous.

You do realise that OP couldn't afford sanitary pads during her last period?

Echoing everything everyone else said OP. He is horrific.

Also, for what it's worth, I think he knows damn well where the chain is. It's just a ploy to fuck with you. He is a pig.

My love, nothing could be worse than the life you are living now.
Please find a safe place to go with your baby. Things do work out x

So sorry about your circumstances. You really need to get out asap. Agree with other posters about Woman's Aid etc. If you need replacement glasses try Home Bargains, Poundland or supermarkets as they do cheap reading glasses.