Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Shit birthday

142 replies

BirthdayTrash · 12/10/2023 21:28

NCed for this.

Yes, I’m a grown woman but I lost a sibling as a young child and so every birthday was something to celebrate in our house because not everyone gets to see whatever age you turn. The trauma of losing a child pushed my mother away from me (my sibling was one of twins and the other sibling survived). I have a poor relationship with my mother but am very close to my dad. It’s my birthday tomorrow.

My teen daughter’s birthday is a few days before mine. We went to my parents for a takeaway on the day. I had spent weeks sourcing most of the things on her list, and when my mother inevitably asked what she wanted offered one of the gifts I had bought. 2 days before my sister (who lives with my parents and her young child) asked what she wanted and so I did the same for her. I sorted out a card and a couple of surprises, a meal with her friends and Moonpig card etc. DH literally helped with wrapping and wrote his name on her card. (I work away 3 days a week.)

When we arrived at my parents the first thing my mother said was that with “everything going on” she had forgotten my birthday so I wasn’t getting anything. Not even a card. They live a 5 min walk from a card warehouse. Not sure what they’re so busy with given none of them work, they have a cleaner twice a week and food shopping delivered.

DD let slip that DH had taken her to Tesco after one of her clubs one night this week to get something for my birthday. Very last minute and our Tesco is being remodelled so there’s next to nothing in there.

I have a day off work but nothing planned and I just feel so sad that I don’t warrant being remembered or anything organised for me. An afterthought. Not even worth a tenner in a card
to my own mother.

My husband’s birthday is between Xmas and new year so I always make a big fuss because his birthdays as a child were crap.

Just needed to say it somewhere. My therapist is on holiday for a fortnight and I just need some sympathy.

I know there are lots of people that wish they still had mums around to forget their birthdays but this is literally part of a lifetime of hurt.

OP posts:
R3V3NG3 · 12/10/2023 21:33

I think it's out of order, personally. What has your DH done for you?

BirthdayTrash · 12/10/2023 21:33

3 weeks ago she “forgot” to tell me that a dear relative was visiting from the other side of the country. Even when DD told me there was no invite to visit.

OP posts:
BirthdayTrash · 12/10/2023 21:34

R3V3NG3 · 12/10/2023 21:33

I think it's out of order, personally. What has your DH done for you?

Guess I’ll find out tomorrow.

OP posts:
R3V3NG3 · 12/10/2023 21:40

Hopefully he'll have planned something wonderful for you!

I'm sorry you're having a bad evening. Please try to enjoy your day, I would make sure you forget to buy a card on mums next birthday. Perhaps she'll then understand how hurtful it is.

BirthdayTrash · 12/10/2023 21:42

He’s working tomorrow. DD at school.

OP posts:
SkaneTos · 12/10/2023 21:42

OP, I wish you a Happy Birthday one day early!
I hope the day will turn out better than expected.
Perhaps the Tesco-present will be better than you thought.

It is hard when you feel like you're making a big effort for others, but don't always get a lot of effort back.

BirthdayTrash · 12/10/2023 21:43

Just found a card in the postbox addressed to Mrs Hisname. I’ve never used his name. Had the same name my whole life and I don’t even get a card addressed in the right name from someone that obviously knows me well to know his surname.

I think that might push me over the edge. :-(

OP posts:
BirthdayTrash · 12/10/2023 21:44

Thanks to those sending kind wishes. xx

OP posts:
Bosabosa · 12/10/2023 21:48

HAPPY birthday for tomorrow! My husband is fab as is family but i now tell them what i would like and what i want to do . That way no one is disappointed. Your mum....am sorry, that is rubbish. You don't deserve that. Did you tell her how hurt that has made you?

BirthdayTrash · 12/10/2023 21:52

I don’t because I’m not convinced it isn’t deliberate.

OP posts:
Namechange666 · 12/10/2023 21:56

Happiest of birthdays to you! Plan the best day for yourself because YOU DESERVE IT! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

Dillydollydingdong · 12/10/2023 22:07

Best to prewarn people if you've got an upcoming birthday, then no one can say they forgot

Dogman · 12/10/2023 22:16

That is just shit and thoughtless. I’m so sorry. I think unless some substantial effort is put in tomorrow morning I’d be away for the night. Book into a hotel, have a bath and read a book and room service. Mooch and brunch and invest some of your time, energy and consideration into you. Let your family know you’ll see them on Saturday at 6pm.

BirthdayTrash · 12/10/2023 22:36

Dillydollydingdong · 12/10/2023 22:07

Best to prewarn people if you've got an upcoming birthday, then no one can say they forgot

You’d think the person I came out of would remember.

And 3 days after their granddaughter’s birthday.

Same every year.

It’s also Friday the 13th.

OP posts:
IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 12/10/2023 22:42

Happy birthday for tomorrow xx

MsRosley · 12/10/2023 23:17

Oh, OP. Hugs and best wishes for your birthday x

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 12/10/2023 23:44

Re your parents: if you have a good relationship with your dad, why didn't he buy you a card and gift? Why do you expect that of your mum but not him?

Your mum sounds shit. I'd tell her straight that she has hurt you and you're going to step back for a bit and you'll be in touch when you feel like it.

And re your dd and dh, you need to tell them what you want.

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 12/10/2023 23:45

And plan something YOU want to do for tomorrow. Have a lovely day. Don't wait for other people to do stuff for you.
Happy birthday!

LadyLolaRuben · 12/10/2023 23:46

I'm sorry OP this is rubbish.

Happy birthday for tomorrow.

I'd go out for the day, get my nails done, go to a spa, check into a hotel, nice lunch and dinner.

One year I fucked off on my birthday and checked into a hotel for 3 days. In that time I volunteered at a dog rescue centre. I had a great time and meet some amazing people and animals

LassoOfTruth · 13/10/2023 00:09

Happy birthday OP! I hope you do something lovely for yourself today and I’m sure your DH and DC love and appreciate you very much. X

DeepFriedKermit · 13/10/2023 02:29

Happy Birthday OP! 🎂🎈🎁

Millybob · 13/10/2023 02:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 13/10/2023 03:45

Happy Birthday from Australia! Sucks to be forgotten. I think you need to let people know you’re hurt by this.

sanityisamyth · 13/10/2023 03:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Einevinefine · 13/10/2023 04:04

Happy birthday to you. Really hope your family do something special for you and if not, make plans to do something later.

Again, happy birthday wishes coming your way from me x

Swipe left for the next trending thread