Shit birthday

[BirthdayTrash]

NCed for this.

Yes, I’m a grown woman but I lost a sibling as a young child and so every birthday was something to celebrate in our house because not everyone gets to see whatever age you turn. The trauma of losing a child pushed my mother away from me (my sibling was one of twins and the other sibling survived). I have a poor relationship with my mother but am very close to my dad. It’s my birthday tomorrow.

My teen daughter’s birthday is a few days before mine. We went to my parents for a takeaway on the day. I had spent weeks sourcing most of the things on her list, and when my mother inevitably asked what she wanted offered one of the gifts I had bought. 2 days before my sister (who lives with my parents and her young child) asked what she wanted and so I did the same for her. I sorted out a card and a couple of surprises, a meal with her friends and Moonpig card etc. DH literally helped with wrapping and wrote his name on her card. (I work away 3 days a week.)

When we arrived at my parents the first thing my mother said was that with “everything going on” she had forgotten my birthday so I wasn’t getting anything. Not even a card. They live a 5 min walk from a card warehouse. Not sure what they’re so busy with given none of them work, they have a cleaner twice a week and food shopping delivered.

DD let slip that DH had taken her to Tesco after one of her clubs one night this week to get something for my birthday. Very last minute and our Tesco is being remodelled so there’s next to nothing in there.

I have a day off work but nothing planned and I just feel so sad that I don’t warrant being remembered or anything organised for me. An afterthought. Not even worth a tenner in a card
to my own mother.

My husband’s birthday is between Xmas and new year so I always make a big fuss because his birthdays as a child were crap.

Just needed to say it somewhere. My therapist is on holiday for a fortnight and I just need some sympathy.

I know there are lots of people that wish they still had mums around to forget their birthdays but this is literally part of a lifetime of hurt.

Happy Birthday! 🥳💐

Glad you are going to Spain.

Happy birthday @BirthdayTrash. 🤗

I'm so glad you rang your friend and that you're now going to spend a week with her in Spain. Excellent and I hope you get the attention and nurturing you're not getting at home.

Your husband will very probably react badly when you tell him you're off for a week away so prepare for that, turn a deaf ear and get in that flight.

Also put your phone on silent or mute him and your "D"M so you're not being guilted whilst you are away and only check in for messages once or twice a day whilst you're away. Your daughter has more than one parent so he can jolly well step up and do some parenting whilst you're away.

Let this be a start of a better future for you OP. 🌹

Happy birthday 🥳 I'm sorry it's been crap so far, happy to read you've booked yourself a trip to Spain tomorrow. Good for you! I hope you have a fab time, some nice wine great company and plenty of laughs. Celebrate you, you deserve it. 🍷

Happy birthday , so glad yiu are getting away next week

Happy birthday, OP! You are a kind, thoughtful person and a wonderful mum. You deserve all the happiness life could bring you.
I hope you find some time for yourself today, and have a wonderful holiday when you go away!
Sending hugs and best wishes xx

Happy birthday Op. I’m sorry there’s been such thoughtlessness from your DH and DM but well done you for getting in touch with your friend. The trip to see her is a great idea and I hope you have a lovely time 💐
I had one adult birthday where my mum and sister looked me straight in the face and said “we didn’t bother getting you anything cos.. well…” they didn’t even have a reason! Just expected me to go “oh it’s ok, don’t worry!” But I didn’t. I looked hurt because I was. And as other PPs have said, it’s not about money but the fact that for just one day your nearest and dearest could choose to put you first and make you feel special. My DCs are only small but I will always use their birthdays as an excuse to do this.

Happy Birthday! You are important, even if the people close to you take you for granted and don’t show you that. Enjoy your time with your friend and let it serve as a reminder to your dh of how much you do and that you deserve to be valued and appreciated.

Christ, if someone had got me that rubbish book as a birthday present, it would be going sideways up their arse.

Good to hear about the week in Spain. Going forward, I'd be booking myself a week away covering my birthday every year.

You should show this post to your family, they've really taken you for granted. Happy birthday and have a lovely well deserved break. Hope you get lots of sun!

It might be a good idea to reduce your expectations of your parents- your mother Will airways disappoint you. Plan something with your family for your own and forget about your mother

Happy birthday OP! Good for you organising your own treat for next week.

I would, at a suitable time, sit down and talk to your DH about how his thoughtlessness has made you feel. I'm assuming he knows how you feel about birthdays?? If he doesn't care, or improve, at the barest minimum I would stop making an effort in his birthday.

I'd also be having a word with the teen too about being a bit more thoughtful, though maybe not today.

DD was completely disinterested when she got home from school so I’ve left them to it and come to buy a rather lovely cashmere jumper that I’ve had my eye on on DH’s credit card.

Bought a mascara and got a whole goody bag of treats with it so can have a bath and a pamper tonight. Reckon I might beat my previous 2 hour record.

Having a very fancy coffee and a cake, then will go for some food and then when I get home I’ll go for a lie down (and secretly pack).

“D”H can stay on the sofa till I’ve set off for the airport.

Forget hers and detach.
lowering expectations is the only way to cope really. People don’t change.

Thank goodness you have somewhere to escape to. Have an amazing time.

Good for you OP, a few hours to yourself then pack for holiday and get away. Will be interesting to see what the family think when they find out you're off

My mother is not good with birthdays. I don’t get a birthday card from her because “the postage is too expensive”. (I do live in a different country.)

Fair play to you OP, I hope you have a wonderful holiday.

I am very much of the view that birthdays should be celebrated regardless of age. It's one flipping day in the year that belongs to you.

Your DH is a thoughtless arse and to be honest your daughter doesn't sound great either. Age is no excuse. Small children can be thought to be kind and thoughtful and that mum and dad have birthdays too.

As for your mother, I hope you plan on forgetting her birthday, Mother's Day etc going forward. She doesn't deserve you.

I hope you enjoy the rest of the evening and I hope your sudden departure gives your family the kick up the bum they all deserve.

Well done, have a fantastic time.

Excellent news. Have a great time! You deserve it

I always had a wiggy on birthdays because they’ve never been a big deal in my family. I have pulled myself together the last few years, got a blow dry or nails done and then been to the shops for whatever I desire for dinner, and that’s cool.

dont let others spoil your birthday, make it nice yourself :)

Happy birthday ❤

Can you buy yourself a nice birthday treat?
I don’t have family to buy me presents so I get myself something instead.

Op happy birthday! And I’m so so glad you’re doing this for yourself. I’ve just had a big birthday that was pretty crap, it does make you feel bottom of everyone’s heap. My parents bought me a truly awful gift that went straight in the bin which probably hurt the most, just something that I’d not like in a million years, and worse it was something that was intended to be displayed. Not a chance. The last few years I’ve started to book some time away by myself, not necessarily for my birthday, but just because I need a brief amount of time where no one needs anything from me. Luckily I have a DH who is generally very good but when he dropped the ball a bit this year. Have an enormous drink for me, and have a wonderful time!

You may not be having a perfect day, but you will have a perfect week.

You are amazing for standing up and saying ‘I am important’. 🇪🇸🇪🇸🇪🇸

Read the thread…a fantastic update…what a gift to.…herself.