Shit birthday

[BirthdayTrash]

NCed for this.

Yes, I’m a grown woman but I lost a sibling as a young child and so every birthday was something to celebrate in our house because not everyone gets to see whatever age you turn. The trauma of losing a child pushed my mother away from me (my sibling was one of twins and the other sibling survived). I have a poor relationship with my mother but am very close to my dad. It’s my birthday tomorrow.

My teen daughter’s birthday is a few days before mine. We went to my parents for a takeaway on the day. I had spent weeks sourcing most of the things on her list, and when my mother inevitably asked what she wanted offered one of the gifts I had bought. 2 days before my sister (who lives with my parents and her young child) asked what she wanted and so I did the same for her. I sorted out a card and a couple of surprises, a meal with her friends and Moonpig card etc. DH literally helped with wrapping and wrote his name on her card. (I work away 3 days a week.)

When we arrived at my parents the first thing my mother said was that with “everything going on” she had forgotten my birthday so I wasn’t getting anything. Not even a card. They live a 5 min walk from a card warehouse. Not sure what they’re so busy with given none of them work, they have a cleaner twice a week and food shopping delivered.

DD let slip that DH had taken her to Tesco after one of her clubs one night this week to get something for my birthday. Very last minute and our Tesco is being remodelled so there’s next to nothing in there.

I have a day off work but nothing planned and I just feel so sad that I don’t warrant being remembered or anything organised for me. An afterthought. Not even worth a tenner in a card
to my own mother.

My husband’s birthday is between Xmas and new year so I always make a big fuss because his birthdays as a child were crap.

Just needed to say it somewhere. My therapist is on holiday for a fortnight and I just need some sympathy.

I know there are lots of people that wish they still had mums around to forget their birthdays but this is literally part of a lifetime of hurt.

So pleased you got the outcome you deserved. You honestly rock!!

This is a wonderful outcome OP. I'm glad things are moving in a positive direction for you. Hopefully you will "thaw" a bit now towards your husband and DD 😛Your predicament reminded me a bit of the "Rancho Relaxo" episode on the Simpsons x

❤️

Well done!

Fantastic update 😄 Let's hope it lasts 🤞

Amazing update!

So glad you stood your ground with this one, OP. Good for you.

Great update! I did wonder how you were, and what happened when you got home.

Your update made me smile with pride @BirthdayTrash. Good start from both DH and DD - long may this effort and positivity last. Remember the feeling you had of setting off to see your friend if this happens again - hopefully a rare occurrence. 🌹

DH said it took a few days for it to sink in but now he gets why I was so upset. And has promised never to do that again. We’ll see.
incannot believe it took this hungover asshole a few days to realise it’s a shitty birthday if you have to jump up take over the school run get the car it’s MOT on your birthday because he made choices that put you last. The message he has sent here for you is 2-3 days of sulking or fury or absenting yourself to an island holiday is clearly not long enough for his 3 brain cells to fire up, and a week is a minimum.

Why?

In his defence, he has a shitty Xmas birthday and wasn’t brought up having a fuss made of his birthdays. His siblings all have summer birthdays and had parties etc but he got supposed joint presents (they weren’t) and no fuss made really. So it just doesn’t really occur to him that people like birthdays. He knows now that I do, and he needs to set a reminder a week or 2 before to arrange something for it.

Have you not seen it? Ungrateful husband and kids. When she came back they were begging "Never leave us again!" And once she had settled back in she riled off a list of stipulations like I expect you to help around the house a bit more, sometimes I will want a bit of time to myself etc etc

@BirthdayTrash

In his defence, he has a shitty Xmas birthday and wasn’t brought up having a fuss made of his birthdays. His siblings all have summer birthdays and had parties etc but he got supposed joint presents (they weren’t) and no fuss made really. So it just doesn’t really occur to him that people like birthdays. He knows now that I do, and he needs to set a reminder a week or 2 before to arrange something for it.

My husband’s birthday is between Xmas and new year so I always make a big fuss because his birthdays as a child were crap.

Supposedly he's an intelligent human adult though OP? You'd have thought, given what you've written (quoted above) he'd have made the connection between what you plan and do for his birthday - over years that he'd at least return the courtesy and encourage your daughter to do the same?

Anyway fingers crossed - and hopefully your birth family will also get the message not to take you for granted. 🌹

Nah I am not buying that. You're being too nice. He saw his siblings get great birthdays and big summer parties. He gets spoilt by you so he knows what a fuss on a birthday looks like.

He just took his childhood stuff out on you. He was punishing you.

Please come back and update us on whether your birthday is any better this year, OP :)

This. I'm invested

You share a birthday with my dad

You are one of my heroes. I wish I had the guts to do what you did. I hope your year has been one of being appreciated.