Shit birthday

[BirthdayTrash]

NCed for this.

Yes, I’m a grown woman but I lost a sibling as a young child and so every birthday was something to celebrate in our house because not everyone gets to see whatever age you turn. The trauma of losing a child pushed my mother away from me (my sibling was one of twins and the other sibling survived). I have a poor relationship with my mother but am very close to my dad. It’s my birthday tomorrow.

My teen daughter’s birthday is a few days before mine. We went to my parents for a takeaway on the day. I had spent weeks sourcing most of the things on her list, and when my mother inevitably asked what she wanted offered one of the gifts I had bought. 2 days before my sister (who lives with my parents and her young child) asked what she wanted and so I did the same for her. I sorted out a card and a couple of surprises, a meal with her friends and Moonpig card etc. DH literally helped with wrapping and wrote his name on her card. (I work away 3 days a week.)

When we arrived at my parents the first thing my mother said was that with “everything going on” she had forgotten my birthday so I wasn’t getting anything. Not even a card. They live a 5 min walk from a card warehouse. Not sure what they’re so busy with given none of them work, they have a cleaner twice a week and food shopping delivered.

DD let slip that DH had taken her to Tesco after one of her clubs one night this week to get something for my birthday. Very last minute and our Tesco is being remodelled so there’s next to nothing in there.

I have a day off work but nothing planned and I just feel so sad that I don’t warrant being remembered or anything organised for me. An afterthought. Not even worth a tenner in a card
to my own mother.

My husband’s birthday is between Xmas and new year so I always make a big fuss because his birthdays as a child were crap.

Just needed to say it somewhere. My therapist is on holiday for a fortnight and I just need some sympathy.

I know there are lots of people that wish they still had mums around to forget their birthdays but this is literally part of a lifetime of hurt.

Happy birthday 🥳

My husband used to be like this for years and I spent so much time upset and hurt, thinking nobody cares. My parents didn't bother, my siblings the same. One year he totally forgot and just went off to work saying bye. I did go a bit mad on this occasion, I told him exactly how bad he made me feel, what my birthdays were like as a child (once I asked for a present on my birthday because I didn't get any and later that day I got one thrown at me in a nasty way!) I had to watch my step brother open hundreds of pounds of gifts and fuss and I never got a party! So now they are a big deal because they never have been, there's a LOT of hurt tagged onto not being thought of. Anyway, after this my husband genuinely changed his ways and he now disappears with the kids a few days before to go and get presents and he now makes a cake. I don't want loads of presents though, it's not what it's about. It's about just one person having thought of you isn't it.

I hope you do something nice for yourself and you should call him out on this shitty behaviour. Try to have a lovely birthday x

Happy Birthday @BirthdayTrash

Enjoy the day, even if you feel let down, take yourself somewhere nice and make it the best day possible. You deserve it.

❤️

Twat

Happy Birthday @BirthdayTrash

You've missed the point of this thread like everyone who sticks the knife I'm like you do on these birthday threads.

You don't do birthdays. Whoopee do for you.

OP, as with 100% of all the other women who post threads like this, selflessly give all of themselves to everyone around them all of the time. Just for the people who 'love' them to demonstrate that they don't actually give a shit about them at a time when it really matters.

@BirthdayTrash Happy birthday for tomorrow. You can cut your mother out of your life or go low contact if that's easier. I have a similar relationship with my own DM. I now keep her at arm's length.

As for your DH, is he a generally considerate man or a selfish arse most of the time?

There's no excuse for your mother, OP. Her trauma doesn't explain this. She should have loved you all the more fiercely. I understand, better than I'd like to, about your not being sure that her behaviour is not deliberate. She doesn't deserve an iota of your emotional energy or effort. There shouldn't be anything from you for her next birthday, or for Christmas. Let her reap what she's sown.

Your husband should do better. I too would be using that day off work to please nobody but myself.

Happy birthday.

Happy Birthday @BirthdayTrash , take yourself out and do something for yourself today..

Couldn't have said it better.

Happy birthday OP! Spend the day doing something that lifts your spirits, whether that’s a day at a museum/gallery, a long walk in the fresh air, some shopping, a nice lunch lingering over a good book…whatever it is, do it and sod everyone else.

Happy Birthday, I would book myself in to spa and try to enjoy the day!

Sorry you are feeling so shitty

This

Happy birthday OP. Please treat yourself today. Nice walk,manicure,coffee and cake out or meal. No cooking.

My mum rarely celebrated my bday when younger.My mum also didn't get me card now im an adult (last few year)..i was hurt. I don't get many cards. My mum said its because she cannot get out, fair enough? No. She manages to send my niece out (whom lives with her) to get my brother's their birthday card. She also sends her other grandkids but not mine. She also manages to get to bingo.
Some parents are just crap arent they. My mums an internalised misogynist and narcissist though. I have had NC for 6 month. Parents should build you up not bring you down.
I treat myself on my birthday OP..stuff anyone else for the day..happy birthday ♥️ xxx

Btw after those few years of no cards from her...i stopped sending her birthday, christmas, mothers day cards. Passive aggressive? Absolutely.
I bought her an heated throw for her bad knee 3 years ago...she gave it away. Some parents are not good parents tbh

Happy Birthday OP do something just for yourself today! 🎂

Happy birthday op 💐

Happy Birthday! 🎉

Sounds like you could do with some therapy yourself.

Sorry op Happy Birthday, as others have said take yourself out & do something you would enjoy today.

Happy birthday to you OP!
Save the money for your DH presents this year and treat yourself with something nice.

I like 🤣

Can you believe it got worse?

Woken this morning by DD saying that I needed to take her to school because dad was unwell. Manic running around to get sorted and get her there on time. (Bye bye lie in.). She handed me 2 cards and an unwrapped book, which I’ve added to the pile of books waiting to be read (including the one he bought me last year and the one for the year before that. AS IF this is a book I would want. 🤯)

I DON’T HAVE TIME TO READ THE BOOKS I WANT TO FUCKING READ.

Got back from school run expecting for us both to take the car to the garage for a MOT. Turns out that “unwell” is code for “massive fucking hangover and not safe to drive” so I’ve had to take it and walk 2 miles back in the pissing rain.

He had the cheek to be in bed when I got back so I’ve turfed him out on to the sofa where the dog can disturb him every 30 seconds.

Cried part of the way home but then gave myself a shake and called a dear friend. She lives in Spain. I’ve booked next week off work and fly out to see her tomorrow. Haven’t told him. Lots to do today to pack and I’ll take DD out for food later to try and rescue something of the day.

Feeling pretty broken right now though. 😭

Dad bought us tickets to something we both have an interest in that’s in a couple of weeks. He told me a few weeks ago as he needed to make sure I’d be home and it’s been labelled as a birthday treat.

As for your DH, is he a generally considerate man or a selfish arse most of the time?

This is a new low.