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Original poster

Husband grumpy if I haven’t made dinner

136 replies

Anon1234567891 · 11/10/2023 10:58

My H goes to a hobby 2 or 3 nights a week. On these nights he wants to have dinner early, pretty much when he comes in. If I haven’t started it he is moody/grumpy and will start stomping around doing the dinner. I get in after I have picked up the DC from school so haven’t really got an excuse but the other day I was under the impression he was going to do himself a quick tea but apparently I was wrong. This is one of the many things he is critical/grumpy about so maybe this is why I am annoyed about it when it is “my job”. Just wondered if I am being unreasonable if I haven’t done it or if it’s fair I have to stick to his strict timetable just because he’s going out.

OP posts:
RecycleMePlease · 11/10/2023 11:04

If dinners are 'your job' how about just some freezer meals, batch cooked that he can whack in the microwave so he can have dinner early and you can eat with the kids at a more normal time.

Coldinscotland · 11/10/2023 11:05

Send him a picture of a tin of beans in the cupboard..

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/10/2023 11:05

Tell him to eat toast. Cheeky sod.

ToniTTtopaz · 11/10/2023 11:06

Absolutely not your job.

If HE is going out, and not there for normal dinner time, then there's no reason he can't sort his own dinner out those nights.

Or have a sandwich before he goes then can re-heat the main dinner you've made once he's back.

Acornsoup · 11/10/2023 11:08

Why is it your job. He is capable of preparing food?

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/10/2023 11:09

Do you both work?

GCSister · 11/10/2023 11:09

He sounds like an extra child.

arethereanyleftatall · 11/10/2023 11:10

There's not enough info there op.

Is it 'fair' that it's your job? Ie does he spend an equal amount of time as you do working/parenting/chores?

HellonHeels · 11/10/2023 11:11

Bet he wasn't like this before you had children. Now you're "mum" he thinks you are his mum as well. Entitled selfish manchild.

ColoursChangingHue · 11/10/2023 11:11

I need the times for both of yours hours worked, commute times and ages of children for extra info before commenting fully.

Epidote · 11/10/2023 11:13

You mentioned dinner earlier so it looks to me that those days he eats separately of the rest of your. If that is the case even if you are in charge of kids and the house and he works for a salary, those extra dinners are his own responsibility. As someone had suggested send him a picture of a tin of beans.

Original poster
Anon1234567891 · 11/10/2023 11:33

I work until 3.00 then collect the DC from different schools, then sometimes have to go back to collect one of them from after school club. I know I should be doing it as I’m home first and he does cook sometimes on some of the other days. My point was, was it fair that he was grumpy and stomping around because for whatever reason I haven’t done it to his strict timeline? He does very little house work as I’m part time but the bits he does do he moans about but he has been doing a lot of diy projects lately so it’s fine that I’m doing the other stuff but I don’t think he should moan and be critical.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 11/10/2023 11:38

No, he shouldn't be stomping around and being grumpy, that is immature and not on.

HOWEVER, I think YABVVU not to have dinner ready if you know he'd like it done and you're in the house.

What skin is it off your nose to do it a bit earlier? I don't mean that snottily either, I just don't understand why you wouldn't.

Denimdreams · 11/10/2023 11:44

WTAF it's not the 1950s @Dacadactyl
Surely he's capable of pinging a jacket potato or even communicating like an adult?

Hey Ive got hobby tonight, would you be able to cook for x time or shall I just ping something/ cook pizza ?
He sounds quite nasty and possibly abusive Op?

Acornsoup · 11/10/2023 11:44

He is an adult and it's his choice to do his hobby. He can have a sandwich and have his dinner later on. Do you get time for hobbies op? Do you need to have your dinner made for you, so you can have a night or two off duty every week.

Crunchingleaf · 11/10/2023 11:46

I think the expectation from him that you will work around his hobby would seriously annoy me here, it shows a lack of appreciation towards you.

I would happily do this for my own husband but he is very appreciative and wouldn’t strop around like a fucking child if I didn’t.

Workawayxx · 11/10/2023 11:48

I don't like the sound of "one of the many things he's critical or grumpy about...", he doesn't sound very nice! And you're "part time" but with the DC after school so it's not exactly a nice relaxing afternoon of you putting your feet up! Can he get some microwave meals/pizza etc in so that when he needs an early dinner he has something easy there? Or does he anticipate a freshly cooked home dinner?

SamanthaCarta · 11/10/2023 11:49

So many men I know in my family are grumpy old gits. He's giving you a clue to your future. I'd sit him down and tell him it's not on. I wouldn't even address the dinner issue until he sorts his behaviour out.

Oldthyme · 11/10/2023 11:56

I know we’re not supposed to be 1950’s housewives but …

I think I’d get myself more organised and plan ahead.

If he wants cooked for example, batch cook (chilli, cottage pie, spag bol’ etc) when you can or, peel spuds & veg in advance (previous night/morning and stash in a bag in fridge) if he wants fresh cooked.

Chilli goes with a 2
minute bag of precooked rice in the microwave. Supermarkets often have it on offer. Tilda or own brand etc. Spaghetti takes minutes to cook and so on.

If your marriage is otherwise ok, It’s not worth the aggro of his derision. Just get it done, get him out, and enjoy the house to yourself and kids!

TheFeistyFeminist · 11/10/2023 11:57

In our house this would be managed by negotiating. "My hobby session starts at 5 on Wednesday, any chance you could have some food ready for when I get in as I'll be tight for time? I'll cook on Thursday"

But it would just as likely be "I'm out early on Wednesday for hobby group so I'm defrosting a portion of stew for me to have before I go so don't worry about feeding me later".

What would absolutely grind my gears is the expectation that I'll know what he wants at what time, if he hasn't used his words. And then to be grumpy about it...!

Cocoalover · 11/10/2023 12:06

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/10/2023 11:09

Do you both work?

Why is that of relevance? It isn't her job to cook him food regardless of whether they both work or not?

Lavenderosa · 11/10/2023 12:09

"This is one of the many things he is critical/grumpy about"

What are the other things?

fearfuloffluff · 11/10/2023 12:18

How much time does he have? Plenty of cookbooks that tell you how to make a rapid dinner. He could do himself stuffed pasta, omelette, microwave jacket potato etc in about 5 mins, he'd just have to plan it and be arsed.

The grumpiness and stomping around is unreasonable. Do you ever have plans to go back to work full time? Who would be his skivvy then?

funbags3 · 11/10/2023 12:20

I'm sure he's old enough to stick something in the microwave.

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 11/10/2023 12:24

A hobby two or three times a week does sound a bit selfish. At the tennis club breakfast cereal then reheating something when you got home later is the norm.