Husband grumpy if I haven’t made dinner

[Anon1234567891]

My H goes to a hobby 2 or 3 nights a week. On these nights he wants to have dinner early, pretty much when he comes in. If I haven’t started it he is moody/grumpy and will start stomping around doing the dinner. I get in after I have picked up the DC from school so haven’t really got an excuse but the other day I was under the impression he was going to do himself a quick tea but apparently I was wrong. This is one of the many things he is critical/grumpy about so maybe this is why I am annoyed about it when it is “my job”. Just wondered if I am being unreasonable if I haven’t done it or if it’s fair I have to stick to his strict timetable just because he’s going out.

So you have school age DC and he gets 2 or 3 nights off each week? He's a CF! How many evenings a week do you get off?
Why can't he eat some toast to tide him over until he gets back?
Or have leftovers/a pingping meal those nights.
Or if his penis prevents him cooking then you plate up his portion and he eats it when he gets back?

Gosh OP. He sounds unkind and as though he is taking everything you do for granted. You are working and doing school runs etc. That's a lot to shoulder, especially as he is out of the house a couple of nights a week.

Do you like him, or enjoy living with him?

The good points seem to be getting less and less, I’m starting to feel I prefer it when he’s not there.

Well I thought he was being unreasonable before your update but I now wonder why you tolerate this complete chauvinistic pig?

After reading how he speaks to you, he can shove me making his dinner up his arse. The toaster and microwave are that a way 👉

he doesn't sound very nice at all @Anon1234567891

what a crabbit shit he sounds. He clearly can’t hear himself moaning. Doesn’t sound like a very happy life for you.

so on the days he doesn’t do his ‘hobby’ does he cook? Surely it’s a shared task when you have kids as it can be quite monotonous cooking every night then you can share over weekend but I certainly wouldn’t be told to cook and if I did cook and they moaned they wouldn’t like where it was shoved.
probably why I’m a single parent means I can suit myself and have a whinge to myself but much better than doing it all and someone else moaning at you. I think you need a good discussion about family life and not treating you like a doormat/slave and moaning etc You work part time but also have your kids which is work in itself getting them home, clubs, homework sorting uniforms etc sp not like you’re sat doing nothing. He is choosing to go to his hobby so he can sort his dinner or a snack himself if he’s going to be a moaning shite about it

Oh dear op, I think that having dinner before his hobby is the least of the problems here. I understand about allocation of jobs in the home, I do all the cooking, but we work equally hard and have a respectful partnership. I wouldn't tolerate grumpy attitudes from my teenagers, and I certainly wouldn't tolerate it from my husband. It's manipulative behaviour designed to make you toe the line.

sweet lord he basically moaning about adulting, life can be boring sometimes, but food shopping cutting grass, tidying house is all part and parcel of life. In our house as i work from home and husband works long hours away and 6 days a week i do always cook and have it ready for him , but there are no way nay stomping and moaning what so ever. He cooks at weekend and if by any chance he home early will cook instead of me. I wouldn't put up with what you are putting up with

This is one of many reasons im single.

Older I get, the wiser this choice seems to me.

Ohhhh I had one of these! Constantly moaning. Total slob but blamed me for most of it. Sense of entitlement at home. Constantly moaned about how much he had to do…yet I did more. When I had a serious injury and was incapable of doing much, I thought ‘Well now he’ll appreciate how much I do’. But he didn’t. All he could see was how much he had to do! And I was still carrying the mental load.
It got worse until I couldn’t see any redeeming qualities. We split in the end. He someone else very quickly (more fool her) and when he told me, genuinely my first thought was ‘Good, he has someone else to moan to now’! Yes financially it’s tight on my own and being a single parent isn’t a picnic, but honestly my home load is less because I’m not cleaning up after him all the time.

These entitled men! Please stop encouraging it. Get the lazy turd to make his own food while your running around doing all your family chores. Bet he expects you to wash his dishes too while he's off on his hobby. If he strops turn the radio up. Good luck.

Hi OP. I am male and cringe when I hear people saying it is their wife's job to cook or clean, or sort the kids out. It's 2023, tell him to put his big boy pants on and get grip on the modern realities. Marriage and relationships are a partnership in my opinion, and responsibilities, whatever they are should be shared!

Do you get to go to a hobby 2-3 nights per week?

I'd start if I were you. He sounds like a fun sponge, an energy vampire, a moaning Minnie.

He should be able to talk to you in a respectful way about prepping tea on his hobby nights, not strop around like a teenager. Urgh.

Agree with @TheSpikySpinosaurus. Time you got yourself an evening hobby 2 or 3 times a week OP and then crash around the house with a face like a smacked arse when your DH hasn't made your tea to order.

If your DH wants tea at a particular time, he can make it himself. Cheeky git.

I'd tell him you're no longer meals for him on his multiple hobby nights - he gets his own those days. That way, he's not expecting you to do it and you can run to your own timetable.

He sounds like a bit of an arsehole generally though.

Sounds like a grim relationship!
Bet your house and life would be much nicer without him!

If he's got time to stomp about and moan he's got time to feed himself ...

I think hobbies 2/3 times a week when you have kids is more the issue.
Do you get the same hobby time op? I suspect not.

Well I've put it to my oh and he said he sounds like a nob.

Tbh reading all the posts it's clear something in the relationship has changed, I think it's time you sat down and both put your cards on the table, it's not right your treated thar way at all absolutely no excuse family and home come before hobbies, but what you have to decide is can you carry on in a one sided relationship, me and my wife have always done things together cooking, cleaning we both work full time and for us it's time together doing these things not saying my marriage is perfect what so ever as a marriage should always be worked on by both parties. I think when one stops trying then the question to be asking is has this marriage run it's course and the answer will always be difficult as you have children but you also have to do whats best for them and its not always staying in the marriage my inlaws split after 30yrs of hell they only stayed together for my wife and her sister and it ended with him nearly getting arrested.

I’ve read all your posts, OP. Jesus, what a miserable twat he is.

Tell him to shove his moaning up his arse. YANBU.

Tell him to put what he wants in a slow cooker before he leaves in the morning.
It’s not your responsibility to always have dinner sorted.

He sounds like a dementor sucking the joy from your life.

On the dinner issue, YANBU.

Here are a few solutions you could present him with:

• Sandwich
• Microwave meal
• Reheat leftovers
• Grab a meal deal on his way home from work.

It's amazing what people can come up with if they think outside the box, isn't it? Or indeed engage their brains at all.

Sounds more like your common or garden arsehole to me.

How is doing most of the house stuff your job because you are "part time"? You work til 3pm, then collect from two different schools and manage after school activities/kids stuff.

So in effect that gives you what? A max of an hour a day compared to a 9-5pm job? If Mr Hobby actually thinks that's enough to run a house and cook the dinner then he is either thick or a liar or has decided you can be his mummy and he'll be the hormonal teen.