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Original poster

Husband grumpy if I haven’t made dinner

136 replies

Anon1234567891 · 11/10/2023 10:58

My H goes to a hobby 2 or 3 nights a week. On these nights he wants to have dinner early, pretty much when he comes in. If I haven’t started it he is moody/grumpy and will start stomping around doing the dinner. I get in after I have picked up the DC from school so haven’t really got an excuse but the other day I was under the impression he was going to do himself a quick tea but apparently I was wrong. This is one of the many things he is critical/grumpy about so maybe this is why I am annoyed about it when it is “my job”. Just wondered if I am being unreasonable if I haven’t done it or if it’s fair I have to stick to his strict timetable just because he’s going out.

OP posts:
Josell12345 · 11/10/2023 19:28

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 you so dont need this info. If someone wants food and theyre over the age of 12 Im pretty sure they can sort either a meal or a snack.

Dacadactyl · 11/10/2023 19:48

OP, what time do you usually have dinner ready for you and the kids then?

Acornsoup · 11/10/2023 19:54

Why is that relevant?

Daffodilsandtuplips · 11/10/2023 19:58

Coldinscotland · 11/10/2023 11:05

Send him a picture of a tin of beans in the cupboard..

I did this once only it was tin of soup with a spoon. He never moaned again.

Crafthead · 11/10/2023 19:59

Buy him a slow cooker for Christmas so he can prepare himself a hearty casserole, stew or curry before he leaves for work in the morning.

Millybob · 11/10/2023 20:00

Pour yourself a glass of wine. go into another room or up to your bedroom or wherever there's a bit of peace - and let him stomp to his heart's content.

Dacadactyl · 11/10/2023 20:04

Acornsoup · 11/10/2023 19:54

Why is that relevant?

I assume you're asking me?

Because I'm still wondering what the issue is with her making something earlier tbh? She's PT, so I personally feel it's not out of order of him to ask her to cook on those nights he's out.

What is out of order is the stomping around, but I'd be annoyed if id been out all day working FT and my PT spouse hadn't made dinner too. However, he should be speaking to her about it sensibly rather than all the dramatics.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 11/10/2023 20:16

Dacadactyl · 11/10/2023 20:04

I assume you're asking me?

Because I'm still wondering what the issue is with her making something earlier tbh? She's PT, so I personally feel it's not out of order of him to ask her to cook on those nights he's out.

What is out of order is the stomping around, but I'd be annoyed if id been out all day working FT and my PT spouse hadn't made dinner too. However, he should be speaking to her about it sensibly rather than all the dramatics.

Show quote history

I think considering the OP also seems to do all of the parenting and most of what is required around the household, it's highly likely she actually works a lot more hours than her grumpy arse husband. Just that most of her work is unpaid.

Her husband is an adult, he should be capable of making himself some dinner on the nights he goes to his hobbies.

BasiliskStare · 11/10/2023 20:20

a couple of times - scrambled egg on toast with whatever else or beans on toast or in a baked potato isn't the worst thing. Otherwise batch cooking things he can shove in the microwave. Or dare I say a pizza . I'm not saying 3 nights a week but sometimes just something to eat before you go out is enough - doesn't need to win awards .

Ponderingwindow · 11/10/2023 20:28

Just because you arrive home first does not make dinner your responsibility. Chores should be negotiated. If you are responsible for dinner on certain nights, then what chore of similar workload, frequency, and effort is he doing to balance that?

Acornsoup · 11/10/2023 20:39

@Dacadactyl working part time, doing the school run, after school clubs, snacks for DC, homework, PE kit, play dates, putting a wash on, emptying the dishwasher, making appointments for kids, organising what's for dinner, shopping are all much more intensive than an average day at work.

I've done both for a long time and my life is much easier now I just rock up at 6,7,8pm and I have a pressurised job.

What time dinner is made is not relevant. He's a husband, not an employer. He can make is own dinner if he wants something different/at a different time because he wants to check out again a couple of nights a week. It's the least he can do.

AmandaHoldensLips · 11/10/2023 20:50

I'd be making him a pie with dog food.

Nonplusultra · 11/10/2023 20:50

If he was single, or divorced, and going to his hobby, he would have had to make his own dinner. Getting his dinner made is a nice bonus, but it’s not an entitlement.

For comparison, dh takes dd to her hobby every week, 40 minutes drive away and I usually pack him a sandwich to eat on the way. Today I completely forgot, so he gave me a kiss, told me not to give it another thought and that he would stop on the way and buy a sandwich. Then he rang me to marvel at the cost of the sandwich and appreciate the amount of money we save.

Dacadactyl · 11/10/2023 21:20

Acornsoup · 11/10/2023 20:39

@Dacadactyl working part time, doing the school run, after school clubs, snacks for DC, homework, PE kit, play dates, putting a wash on, emptying the dishwasher, making appointments for kids, organising what's for dinner, shopping are all much more intensive than an average day at work.

I've done both for a long time and my life is much easier now I just rock up at 6,7,8pm and I have a pressurised job.

What time dinner is made is not relevant. He's a husband, not an employer. He can make is own dinner if he wants something different/at a different time because he wants to check out again a couple of nights a week. It's the least he can do.

Yes I know. I am also PT and do all the above.

If I was FT and DH was PT, I'd expect him to have my dinner ready tbh.

MsRosley · 11/10/2023 22:14

MrsKeats · 11/10/2023 19:14

I think hobbies 2/3 times a week when you have kids is more the issue.
Do you get the same hobby time op? I suspect not.

Yeah, I was wondering this. I think we both know the answer though.

Ponderingwindow · 12/10/2023 02:04

I work PT and DH works FT. I don’t make dinner. That isn’t how our division of labor works. The hours I am not working are spent on other mutually agreed priorities.

QueenBitch666 · 12/10/2023 02:29

LTB
This isn't the 1950's

femfemlicious · 12/10/2023 02:42

Why does she have to do this? She works till 3pm as well!. Why can't he get himself something to eat?. I can't imagine working picking up the kids then rushing home to make dinner early before his stupid "hobby"

Therealjudgejudy · 12/10/2023 02:43

He sounds hideous. Why are you settling for this?

You know you can be single and happy right?

Elderscrolling · 12/10/2023 02:57

Oldthyme · 11/10/2023 11:56

I know we’re not supposed to be 1950’s housewives but …

I think I’d get myself more organised and plan ahead.

If he wants cooked for example, batch cook (chilli, cottage pie, spag bol’ etc) when you can or, peel spuds & veg in advance (previous night/morning and stash in a bag in fridge) if he wants fresh cooked.

Chilli goes with a 2
minute bag of precooked rice in the microwave. Supermarkets often have it on offer. Tilda or own brand etc. Spaghetti takes minutes to cook and so on.

If your marriage is otherwise ok, It’s not worth the aggro of his derision. Just get it done, get him out, and enjoy the house to yourself and kids!

You're right it's not the 1950's. He can make a sandwich for himself.

Burntouted · 12/10/2023 03:03

Why are you with someone like this?? Did you not know who you were becoming involved with??

It's not your job to feed him.

He is a grown man capable of finding nourishment on his own.

He knows how to feed himself.

ThreeLeggedKitten · 12/10/2023 03:09

its totally unreasonable that he stomps round the house like a moody teen.

we have the same situation but it’s me with more hobby nights. I always tell DH not to worry about feeding me and i do myself something quick. Omelette or jacket potato or beans on toast. Sometimes there’s left overs which I reheat.

can you challenge him about his poor behaviour? He needs to role model positively.

also you should both have the same amount of down time for hobbies or rest after work, housework, childcare, cooking, driving kids is taken out of the equation

mathanxiety · 12/10/2023 03:19

Anon1234567891 · 11/10/2023 11:33

I work until 3.00 then collect the DC from different schools, then sometimes have to go back to collect one of them from after school club. I know I should be doing it as I’m home first and he does cook sometimes on some of the other days. My point was, was it fair that he was grumpy and stomping around because for whatever reason I haven’t done it to his strict timeline? He does very little house work as I’m part time but the bits he does do he moans about but he has been doing a lot of diy projects lately so it’s fine that I’m doing the other stuff but I don’t think he should moan and be critical.

He's an entitled pillock who thinks you are there to serve him.

mathanxiety · 12/10/2023 03:19

Do you get time for your hobby two or three times a week?

You have a hobby, right?

Codlingmoths · 12/10/2023 03:22

If you are trying to make this work then you can tell him you moan about everything. every thing. I can’t stop you moaning but it drives me up the wall when I do the cooking etc and you moan; so I’m going to stop doing anything that suits you and you can moan about your having to do it instead of moaning about my having done it. You are not tidy er than me, you just ignore your mess and moan about my mess. Please think about what kind of marriage this is because I think it’s a miserable way to live.