Should I put most of parents' gift into mortgage? Husband thinks so.

[Bluebellwell]

I was hoping for some advice here as I don't know if I'm being reasonable.

My husband and I bought a house several months ago. We put equal amounts into the deposit.

He earns a lot more than me, and pays towards the mortgage and bills proportionately to his income. He has a few grand spare each month, which he keeps in his own account. I have a far smaller amount spare each month.

My parents have recently gifted me £200k. I have said I will put £100k into the mortgage, and I'll keep the other £100k as savings in my name at the moment, but have said I will put it into the mortgage in the future, or draw on it if one of us loses our job (meanwhile it will build up interest).

My husband is really annoyed at this and says it's damaging to the marriage that I'm not putting more of the gift into the mortgage. He thinks I should put in £180k and keep £20k so I have at least some savings.

Is my approach reasonable?

Be careful, nobody know what’s round the corner.
200k is a lot of money!

Does he care about you not having as much as him to spend at the end of the month, is he saying “ I’ve got 2k left so here 1k so we both have the same. No thought not. Wants to share yours but not his

Its your money so please don’t be blind sided by love & loyalty.
you don’t say how old you are, as said could parents put it in trust say for 10 yrs just to see how things go. Money is the worse cause for resentment & arguments

So what is his is his and what is yours is also his
i would demand them that everything is joint and he puts his savings in as well

Even though you're married and would also depend on situation with children, length of marriage etc IF it ever came to a divorce, I would say that IF you did decide to put even £100k into the mortgage, you might want to look at a Deed of Trust to set out the relative house percentages you each own.

You can do this as a Deed of Trust with floating shares, which means that the % of the house you own will vary with the contributions you make to it, and you can set it up to account for things like contributions to renovations, improvements, maintenance etc, and also to account for things like if you ever did have to stop contributing to take care of future children (in which case you would want it written that it would continue to be counted as e.g. a 50/50 contribution for that period, given that your contribution would be equal but non-financial).

As in, if you put in a large lump sum, a Deed of Trust would potentially protect and to some degree ringfence your additional contribution in the event of a future split.

I'd run the numbers first though, if you currently pay into the mortgage unequally, to see which way round you'd be better off, so you can make an informed decision.

The above on the assumption that you currently hold the house either jointly, or as tenants in common in equal shares.
Speak to a solicitor, there are various implications for both off those approaches (keep status quo or have Deed of Trust).

Only do what he suggests if all your surplus cash is pooled into a joint savings account. DH and I have always had separate current accounts and what comes out of our accounts is a bit randomly allocated - I used to earn a good bit more than him and have a lot more direct debits than he does still despite the fact I now earn less. However, it doesn’t actually matter because he sets aside what he needs for the bills he pays then most of the rest of his income goes into a joint savings account.

@Bluebellwell
If he is contributing a larger share of the mortgage based upon his available resources, why would it be unreasonable to expect you to do the same? I am not saying that you should or should not make a larger contribution to the purchase of the house. That is for you to decide, but I don't think that it is unreasonable for him to raise the question.

@Mari9999 shes proposing putting half in. He contributes more than her and he also has more disposable income than her, so it's unreasonable not to allow the same for her. That she can save more than him due to her windfall. He usually saves more.

I feel like most PP have overlooked you saying that he pays substantially more of the mortgage on a monthly basis than you. How much more? Can you tell us the percentage you pay monthly?

I 100% do not think you should put all of your parents gift into the mortgage and especially not without a declaration of trust.

HOWEVER if he is paying 75% of the monthly mortgage and sees that you now have the means to go halves, then that is something you could offer i.e. use the fund to increase your monthly contributions. Does he earn substantially more in a job that he hates but sticks it out because you haven't got the means to contribute more to household bills?

Putting a lump sum into the mortgage is not the same as paying it off together over time.

If I was given a £200k, I would probably buy a holiday home for family to enjoy.

May I ask what the motivation of your parents' gift was?

Is the cash gift an inheritance?;the reason I ask is that I don't think an inheritance is classed as a marital asset in the case of a divorce and therefore your DH can't touch it but the moment that money is invested into a marital home you own together he can claim half of it as equity if you had to sell up/buy out.

@Bluebellwell

Oh, so he won't share HIS surplus 'few grand spare' a month with YOU, but wants you to share your whole £200,000 cash gift with him by paying off your joint mortgage?! All the LOLz!

If you have no kids together - start divorce proceedings immediately. He's a grabby, greedy, cheeky-fucker of the highest order.

Like a pp, I have no idea why finances aren't shared when you are married. I find this practice incredibly bizarre. And it's always when the MAN earns more than the woman. Also find when kids come along, that he expects her to pay for everything for the baby out of HER income too!

How does this mammoth cash gift work by the way? Is it not taxed? Could it not be seen as deprivation of assets if your parents need care? Be careful. You may have to hand it back. I know of a case quite recently where someone got some money given to her, (£75,000,) spent it within 6 months, and was told she had to return the lot about a year and a half later...

"He earns a lot more than me, and pays towards the mortgage and bills proportionately to his income. He has a few grand spare each month which he keeps in his own account"

How does he possibly balance, in his head, the fact that it is fine for him to have thousands of pounds worth of his own money, but that you should put all your money into the mortgage ?

I thought this thread was going to be about an inheritance or gift, and should you (as a couple) pay down your mortgage and was coming on to say that I would, but this inequity has changed my thinking completely.
What an odd way for a married couple to have set up their finances.

How is his monthly mortgage contribution proportionate to income if he has thousands left but you don't? A fair proportion means both having the same disposable after mortgage. If he earns far more than you, then proportionate could mean fair is that he pays it all, and even gives you some extra every month until you have the same to save as he does -seeing as you have separate bank accounts.
Don't have DC's with him, he will likely have you paying everything for them, while he continues to squirrel his money away.

This. Inheritance is treated separately in case of divorce. Put a big chunk into your pension especially if your pension is less than his. I'd put some into a stocks and shares ISA, invest some into bonds and some into mortgage but most mortgages will only let you overpay by 10 percent. I'd also suggest he pays some of his spare thousands left each month into the mortgage too in equal proportions that you pay in. Your DH is hoarding his own money in a savings account in just his name. Do you even know how much he has saved up? Whilst expecting you to relinquish your money into the mortgage he can claim half of if you divorce. Would your parents want him to get half your money?

Have you asked him why he sees your money as family money, but his money as his own?

@Lovingitallnow
In this case, the source of the money doesn't matter .He is paying more because he brings a larger resource pool to the table. Now her resource pool has increased substantially , and it is reasonable that the contribution agreement be revisited.

It is unreasonable to think that savings should be equal of even equitable when 2 people bring different career preparation, time in the workforce, full-time vs part-time employment, employment sectors, etc?

In my opinion , one should not be advantaged because they chose less education and training, a career with low wages and less possibly for upward advancement, etc. The person who does those things has made a very pronounced statement about the lifestyle that they are choosing for themselves and any children that they might have. They should not be advantaged because the chose a path that would provide them with lower income and limited potential for upward advancement. Nor should a partner who made different and more lucrative choices be penalized or disadvantaged because they are reaping the benefit of better decision making.

@Bluebellwell

My husband and I bought a house several months ago. We put equal amounts into the deposit.

What I think is 'damaging' is when one person has contributed more to a home purchase than the other person. I can create a feeling of 'Well, I paid more in so we need to do what I want with <insert home repair/improvement" or "This house is more mine than yours". Right now you are equal. For you to contribute a lump sum would create an imbalance. If he would agree to 'match you' out of his own money, that would be fine (if you wanted to do that). But if he's saying "You contribute 180K and I'll keep all my savings to myself" then fuck no.

And if he's basing this need for you to pony up on the fact that he pays a larger proportional share of the mortgage, remind him that he's the higher earner so that's only right and fair. If he wants to combine finances (if you do) or he wants to give you a monthly amount from his earnings to 'even up' your monthly income, tell him you'll be happy to contribute more.

Whatever amount you put in as ‘extra deposit’ I’d make sure there is a legal document in place stating that it’s yours and in the event of divorce you get that money back atomically.

You don't have to put any of it into the house. I say this because of the way finances are arranged in your household. You don't have joint finances and aren't equal that way, so I would keep it all to yourself unless he contributes an equal lump sum amount.

In my household, I'd put it all on the mortgage, but we have truly joint finances and have for a long time. I know my DH would do the same. I'm not sure yours would.

If he is racking up £20k plus in savings each year why isn't he paying more into the mortgage? I think he is being very selfish. That's your money to do as you wish with, just like his 'spare few grand a month' is his.

Thanks so much everyone for all the advice - it's much appreciated.

I had asked him if he would put any of his extra few grand each month into a joint savings account, but he doesn't want to because he wants to build up a 'buffer' after putting all his savings into the deposit.

He puts £2.7k more than me in each month for the mortgage and bills. I don't like to think in terms of him 'paying me back', because we're married. But if he were to 'pay back' my extra £100k, that would take him 3 years.

He is saying that if I don't put a greater share of the £200k into the mortgage now, that will jeopardize the arrangement we have where he's paying for mortgage/bills proportionally to his salary.

You’ve got a right one there! In essence he expects half of your parents gift. That gift was given to you, not him. Look after it carefully, be extremely cautious, don’t be guilted into handing over what he is angling for, with a husband like yours who knows what the future might hold! His expectations are tacky tacky.

He has a few grand spare each month, which goes into his own account. Why is you keeping some of your parents' gift for yourself damaging to the marriage, whereas him keeping back several grand EACH MONTH is not? If you only kept back 20K for your savings, his "extra" after he pays to the mortgage would equal that in just a few months. Yet he wants you to put in all of your parents' gift. Something is wrong there. His attitude is that "what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine." If he wants you to put virtually all of your parents' gift into the shared asset, then he has to do the same, and stop keeping back thousands for himself.

So yours is "ours" but his is "mine"? Fuck that.

I would thank your parents for their gift but ask that they keep it until such time as you are financially free of this ass hole.

He is not a keeper and if (when) your marriage ends, as it will, he will try and take every last damned penny. You will need that money then.

This is a proper LTB situation. He will take every penny of yours, keep every penny of his and then, because he can afford it, get the best barrister in the country to screw you out of the house too.

So he wants to keep his extra money and use your money?

This

Put 100k in your pension