Friends Will Disown Me if I Date Him Again

[Moohana86]

Hi All

This is my first time posting on MN and I was apprehensive about it but here goes.

Im 37, never been married. Was engaged once but it wasn’t meant to be. No kids. I have had lots of involvement with my nieces and nephews though which is great.
Anyway I was dating a guy for nearly two years. He’s now 45 and divorced, one son who is nearly 20 but at university and doesn’t see him much.
I broke it off close on a year ago and just staying single. We never lived together but I spent a lot of time with him. He is a half hour drive away.
My mates can’t stand him because yes he’s very well educated and smart and sensible and a good business brain on him
but he’s always right. He’s a my way or highway guy and very stubborn. He doesn’t like doing anything that involves my friends or their partners. He’s quite judgmental and opinionated and kind of a snob only wanting to keep to his circle which is very small. He’s not a big social person at all. He has made comments that friends of mine are dumb as dog shit or gutter trash or beneath him. He criticises some of my family. He criticises me for a lot of things and would get frustrated that I wasnt listening to him on areas I need to change. He dislikes my nieces and nephews being around if he’s with me and has zero patience or interest in them. He criticises my work and compares my income to his and how many hours he works. He is very impatient and gets snappy fast and can let loose with verbal abuse of swearing at me and running me down which he won’t apologise for as it’s my fault apparently. He’s not the type to go out his comfort zone or compromise and doesn’t have a romantic bone. In the near 2 years there were no flowers or gifts or dinners. He is more a practical man.
We were arguing a lot and I felt like he was more critical of me than supportive and if I wasn’t valued I should leave.
He does have his good points and we had fun times the two of us. I guess a big part of me misses him. He wanted to keep in comms and we’ve talked a bit since the split. He’s been telling me he wants to give it another go. He said it’s not exactly me that he was frustrated with before, it’s more the people around me that annoy him
and he felt I should make better choices with who I am friends with and not look after my nieces and nephew so often.
Well - I’m torn between what I want to do but the biggest issue for me is literally all my friends as well as my sister are against me dating him again and several friends said they won’t hang out with me if he’s back in my life because he’s no good for me and they hated seeing me upset from the arguments with him plus knowing how cynical he is about them and others.
A few people think he is controlling and wants to isolate me from family and friends.
I’d be interested in outsiders opinions

Wtf do women do this to themselves 🤦🏻‍♀️

He may be ‘posh’ and earn more money than you but he has zero manners and is most certainly not a gentleman. Truly posh people do not make us unwashed oiks feel ill at ease. So so many red flags.

Fucking hell, don't do it. He's a cunt.

Unbiased opinion here...

You would have to be fucking bonkers to get back with this despicable shit of a man.

Look, you are able to see his faults. You're very clear about that. What would you do if one of your nieces went out with a man and told you this was what he was like? What would you advise her to do?

And think again about how good he is to his son. He might spend money on him but he doesn't see him much, does he?

@Moohana86 do you see the force with which all the posters are replying?

Not just a 'oh no I'm not sure about him' but proper 'fuck me he's an absolute walking red flag. Why are on earth is this a question'

It does concern me that we're all seeing it, your friends and family are seeing it. But you're not.

I would take some time out from dating to have a look at why you would even consider this man as an option. When literally everyone is saying to avoid him like the plague.

But yeah. Block him. He's an absolute tosser.

Why would you?

You haven't said anything about him that makes him sound like a remotely nice person.

Why on earth would you want to be in a relationship with someone so insufferable? You need to get a grip, there’s no way a man like that won’t make your life absolutely and devastatingly miserable.

You ended it with him. For good reason. And now you are considering getting back with him because he’s asked you to. Seriously? Work on your enforcing your boundaries. Do not get back with this deeply unpleasant man, who is not even admitting to his faults, much less offering to change.

Apologies, I’ve only read your posts @Moohana86

But I’m willing to take a punt that NOBODY on here will tell you to give this guy another chance!! His good points are completely irrelevant due to all his negatives.

You will seriously be better off getting some counselling if you can’t see this. Believe in yourself: you deserve so much more!!

From what you've written this man has zero respect for you, your family or your friends. You've got a street party's worth of red bunting in the list of negatives about him. Personally, I'd run like the wind.

I think you deserve better.

Please listen to your friends and to the overwhelming opinion of PPs on this thread.

It sounds like he's right about you making better choices about your friends.
Starting with him!

I would run a mile

So what has happened between the last time you were an item and now that would have led to this being any better than last time?
That's what you need to ask yourself because I can bet a £ to a $ that nothing will have changed, don't sell yourself short there is a reason he's still single, no one else wanted him either.

This man belongs in the bin, you need to listen to your friends and family because they are right.

Just going to leave this here....

A few people think he is controlling and wants to isolate me from family and friends.

Yeah, they're right. You've written it in your post yet still cannot see him for what he is. He's a controlling, abusive man and you would be utterly mad to get back with him.

Glad his first wife had the good sense to divorce his controlling ass.

Listen to your friends and family, and re-read your post. Then open your eyes and block this cunt.

Men do it too, don't worry! One of my exes was absolutely wired to the moon, yet I went back out with her several times. The last time we broke up (shortly before I met DW) the police had to get involved!

It's a people thing, not a gender thing. 😣

It is concerning that you think so little of yourself that you would even consider taking this horrible man back, at the expense of relationships with people who actually care for you.

Bin him immediately and don’t look back! Better single forever than with a man like this. 🚩🚩🚩

You obviously have very low self esteem and willing to accept any kind of behaviour. On this basis go for it !

friends of mine are dumb as dog shit or gutter trash

This just doesn’t sound like the kind of thing an intelligent, classy person would say.

He’s not smart, sensible or educated though, based on your description?

Was just coming on to say all this.

He's controlling and abusive - swearing at you should have got him dumped there and then.

He could have a golden cock or rescue orphaned puppies, doesn't matter, ALL these bad points outweigh anything else and puts him in the HELL NOPE 👎 category.

Yup!!

Bloody hell raise your bar OP!

There are some idiots out there but most men are going to be better than this one.

Why are you even contemplating getting back with someone like this?

Be single or find someone else.

You need people in your life like your sister and friends who are going to lift you up rather than a "man" who is going to destroy what is good in your life.

You deserve so much better and it's very sad that you can't see that. Your friends are looking out for you.