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Original poster

Dating a man who has supervised contact centre visitation... red flag?

183 replies

DilemmaEmma2 · 02/10/2023 13:12

Just that really.
Would a man who has contact centre visitation strike up a red flag to you?
Would you do your utmost to find out as much as possible about it?

OP posts:
Original poster
DilemmaEmma2 · 02/10/2023 13:31

Meloncocomelon · 02/10/2023 13:27

So then why are you asking people if they would see it as a red flag? If she doesn't know?

Show quote history

Well, I can't be certain ... as it now transpires he's asked the court if she can now supervise contact in future.
I really can't be sure if she knows or not but there is a possibility she does....

OP posts:
SillySausage21 · 02/10/2023 13:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

FeelSoDown · 02/10/2023 13:33

Why would the gf care if she doesn’t know? The mother of Lola James moved her “partner” in a few days after meeting him on fb. She was warned of his violence but continued with the relationship. Some women don’t care and those women are not the ones who will come on here telling you it wouldn’t be a red flag for them as they don’t want to face criticism.

Worddance · 02/10/2023 13:34

Yes it usually would although at the moment I know someone who cannot see his child in any other way. His ex becomes so abusive at handover that a social worker advised contact centre only for the child's sake.The only contact centre offers a group play session - structured and supervised. That's what he has to do and it does look misleading.

SillySausage21 · 02/10/2023 13:34

Oops sorry OP I commented before reading your replies 😂

Meloncocomelon · 02/10/2023 13:35

DilemmaEmma2 · 02/10/2023 13:31

Well, I can't be certain ... as it now transpires he's asked the court if she can now supervise contact in future.
I really can't be sure if she knows or not but there is a possibility she does....

Show quote history

So then deal with that if and when it happens.

All you're doing now is having posters slag off a woman who you don't know actually knows anything.

Octobermeterreadtime · 02/10/2023 13:35

I doubt she will be allowed to supervise... Presumably she is too doe eyed to be impartial... I would be letting ss know.

Original poster
DilemmaEmma2 · 02/10/2023 13:37

With respect, anyone can post anything about anything within talk guidelines on her. I'm not asking people to slag her off. I just wanted opinions on whether it was a red flag to others...

OP posts:
mindutopia · 02/10/2023 13:40

Cognitive dissonance. My mum dated and then married a man who she knew did not have contact with either of his children. She has shouted for years about the horrors of parental alienation and how his ex-wife had turned the kids against him because she wanted more money in the financial settlement.

All the while, she knew 100% that the reason he did not have contact with his children is because he was convicted of sexually abusing one of them, and they both cut him out of their lives as soon as the abuse was disclosed (they were late teens at this time). She both knew the real reason, but couldn't not tell everyone who would listen this made up story that painted him as Dad of the Year who was wronged by the court system and a money-grabbing ex-wife. Complete cognitive dissonance.

I suspect this woman both knows he's a bit of a shit dad, but also believes his stories too, and the only way to deal with it all is just to keep her head down and plough on with the relationship.

anareen · 02/10/2023 13:40

Why are you concerned about if his new partner is seeing this as a red flag? He will say whatever he wants about you to her. That's a given. She will eventually find out for herself what kind of person he is but if you make efforts to make things known to her yourself you will only be feeding that perception he has painted of you. Let it be and continue with your arrangement for your child.

Namerequired · 02/10/2023 13:46

If he’s a risk to children shouldn’t you be reporting that he’s now with someone who has children? I think my concern would lie there tbh.
Re the contact centre, yes it would raise red flags with me but not everyone knows the ins and outs and that it’s difficult to get one.
He has probably said you made up all sorts of lies.

Eastie77Returns · 02/10/2023 13:47

You’ve jumped from the girlfriend doesn’t know how and when he sees the DC to

“he's asked the court if she can now supervise contact in future”

Ok.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 02/10/2023 13:49

Op how come he has supervised contact only? It would be helpful for anyone searching this topic if they're in the new gf position to see the real reasons

airofkfoeksowlwomfo · 02/10/2023 13:50

It would be a huge red flag for me.

I also wouldn’t date a man who barely saw his kids or didn’t pay maintenance, yet my ex-husband never seems to be single. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Meloncocomelon · 02/10/2023 13:52

anareen · 02/10/2023 13:40

Why are you concerned about if his new partner is seeing this as a red flag? He will say whatever he wants about you to her. That's a given. She will eventually find out for herself what kind of person he is but if you make efforts to make things known to her yourself you will only be feeding that perception he has painted of you. Let it be and continue with your arrangement for your child.

This:

OPs children aren't affected and nor is OP. She just seems to want to hear how foolish or selfish the new DP is, when OP said she's not even sure the new DP knows much at all.

Women wanting to tear down women is all I see.

The OP and the new DP both entered a relationship with him, I'm guessing neither did so thinking he's a twat so not sure why OP seems to want to claim the new DP has psychic powers she didn't have while having 2 kids with him.

rwalker · 02/10/2023 13:53

Why have you had to go to supervised visits

Deathbyfluffy · 02/10/2023 13:53

A red flag for sure, but then I'd also bear in mind that it could be temporary and the result of some made-up nonsense the mother has spun.
Not that it's the case here, but it'd always be on my mind that a minority of women genuinely are hell-bent on keeping good Dads away from their kids because they're bitter from the breakup.

Trainplan · 02/10/2023 13:54

I wouldn't bother trying to find out, I'd just be off. You'll never get the full story anyway.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 02/10/2023 13:56

It would be a red flag to me but even if I wasn't aware it was supervised at a contact centre I'd be very very wary of a guy who had so little contact with a child, that in itself is a red flag.

Bananalanacake · 02/10/2023 13:56

How long have they been in a serious, committed relationship? Is she one of those desperate women who moves a strange man in with her DC having known him less than a year.

Screwballs · 02/10/2023 14:00

Haven't read the replies. But how could that NOT be a red flag?!

Not worth the hassle, find someone else.

Firebug007 · 02/10/2023 14:01

Nope, I'd do absolutely nothing to find out what he's done, it doesn't matter I would just dump and move on, too big of a red flag regardless of whatever story he spins 🤷‍♀️

Trainplan · 02/10/2023 14:02

Why are the visits supervised? Is he a risk to her children? I feel like this needs reporting.

Dery · 02/10/2023 14:03

@DilemmaEmma2 - agree with PP: she probably doesn’t know the visits are supervised. No doubt he has fed her endless lies. There would have been a time when you believed in him - before you knew his abusive side. She’s probably in that place now.

Bimbimmer · 02/10/2023 14:04

Why do people ignore red flags? Loneliness, lack of self esteem, misjudged ‘failure’ in life by being single thanks to social media, etc.

People want and need to be loved and some people will forego all sorts of boundaries / sensibilities to secure that feeling, regardless of logic or warnings from others (no matter how well meaning)

I couldn’t live with myself for not doing something about this, OP. Warning her personally may not be sensible - but certainly expressing your concerns to social services, etc. should be a consideration.