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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is he weird?

131 replies

Mazhaz · 30/09/2023 16:27

Long story short, met this guy. He's very handsome, successful, hardworking and funny.

When we met I instantly got a weird vibe from him but thought my intuition may be in overdrive due to a previously abusive relationship.

The list of things that bothered me are:

The look in his eyes.

The fact that he always has a small bottle of alcohol in his pocket to 'calm his nerves.'

He's mentioned a few times about how beautiful my 9 year old daughter is (this isn't an issue) but recently we spoke and he heard that she was preparing food in the background. His response was, 'oh I need a wife like that!' He then realised how it sounded and said 'but older.'

He calls himself a weirdo.

Finally, we met last night and he was acting a bit strange. I mentioned that he made me feel like he views me as a little cheap since he hadn't taken my out but was always interested in sex. His response was
To get reallyyyyy upset and said, 'are you saying I've done something to force you because I can't have people accusing me of that.' he help repeating this and I said no, absolutely not it's just that I feel that's all you're interested in.

He just went on and on about not being accused of touching me without my permission. I said he sounded a little excessively paranoid (first time I've EVER had a guy respond like that). I asked him if he's ever been accused in the past and he said, 'no, but I know people who have...'

He got really upset with me and I kept reassuring him that he had done nothing wrong as he told me from the outset that he didn't want a relationship.

His response? 'I've got tears in my eyes you've upset me that much.'

He then left the car and walked off into his car whilst ignoring me.

No idea what to think... He's called me today and text apologising but I've not responded yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mazhaz · 30/09/2023 21:30

CryptoFascist · 30/09/2023 20:04

On the plus side, OP, you have recognised all these warning signs.
You haven't ignored them, or made excuses for him, and you've taken action.
It's not always easy to trust your gut, so the outcome of this thread has given me cheer.

Awwww thank you so much, I appreciate that ♥️♥️♥️

OP posts:
Original poster
Mazhaz · 30/09/2023 21:33

Omg he literally just texted again as I was replying!

4 separate texts and a phone call.

I am so grateful for everyone's responses. I've been single for 5 years and have only just started dating last year! So far, it's been useless ☹️

I took a long time out and started to feel like a nun 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Mazhaz · 30/09/2023 21:37

Quick question! The beer he was drinking was 16.5% alcohol, is that strong? Im not a drinker, just curious! X

OP posts:
EmmaEmerald · 30/09/2023 21:38

OP I'm curious about something
You mention "the look in his eyes". How would you describe it?

Run a mile, anyway.

Twilight7777 · 30/09/2023 21:38

The little bottle of alcohol alone gave me the ick, let alone the rest of it! Major major red flags!

PPPPPPPOTTER · 30/09/2023 21:39

16.5!!!!! Jesus I didn't even know they did it that strong. That's half the strength of vodka. He's a 10/10 weirdo. Block.

Talipesmum · 30/09/2023 21:43

You might get the odd bottle of super strong Belgian beer at 16.5 but that’s stronger than most wine.

Original poster
Mazhaz · 30/09/2023 22:07

EmmaEmerald · 30/09/2023 21:38

OP I'm curious about something
You mention "the look in his eyes". How would you describe it?

Run a mile, anyway.

It's like a glazed look. It's really hard to explain but almost like there's a lot going on in his soul.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mazhaz · 30/09/2023 22:08

Omg that's not great that it's so strong 😭😭😭😭

OP posts:
Dery · 30/09/2023 22:15

You’d have to search really hard to find beer that is so alcoholic. Beer is usually 4/7% (7 being strong for a beer). Wine is c. 12%. He’s bad news.

CandidClarisse · 30/09/2023 22:22

That beer is alcoholic level of strong, his eyes were probably glazed as he was drunk out of his mind!

I got the secondary ick reading what you'd written. You've done well getting rid, I'd just block! I never check my block list so you'll likely never find his number anyway

beatrix1234 · 30/09/2023 22:28

CandidClarisse · 30/09/2023 22:22

That beer is alcoholic level of strong, his eyes were probably glazed as he was drunk out of his mind!

I got the secondary ick reading what you'd written. You've done well getting rid, I'd just block! I never check my block list so you'll likely never find his number anyway

I have a list of blocked numbers on my phone, mostly spam callers, a couple of bad dates and 2 narcissists, what I do is make sure I don't save their name on the blocked contact, that way if I'm ever "tempted" to unblock or call them I need to call all my list of blocked callers to discover "who is who". it works :-)

EmmaEmerald · 30/09/2023 23:03

Mazhaz · 30/09/2023 22:07

It's like a glazed look. It's really hard to explain but almost like there's a lot going on in his soul.

Show quote history

Do you mean dark goings on?

maybe it's drunkenness though! Either way, just no.

junbean · 30/09/2023 23:09

Overly dramatic and strange! And I usually like weird lol. This is too much.

Cantanna · 30/09/2023 23:14

I would be suspicious the alcohol was to plie potential victims with ...He's definitely a weirdo ..
Run !!

Catsafterme · 30/09/2023 23:30

If that glazed look was like a dull distant stare, totally void of anything, almost like a puppet, you should probably block. Could be a narc stare, which may also explain the previous behavior believing he was being judged/criticized and the dramatic storming off and now the bombardment of messages.

Know NPD is considered rare but I've experienced that stare and this kind of behavior but in marriage. My case, highly abusive and damn right delusional.

He may not stop any time soon and he may not like being ignored / rejected.

Original poster
Mazhaz · 30/09/2023 23:44

It's a weird kind of glazed look. Like he's either been totally drunk the 4 times we've met (twice at business and twice outside) or it's like a dark kind of glazed look. Like he has lots of unsavoury thoughts going through his mind

I still cannot get my head around his reaction last night. It was either a product of him being drunk,or a genuine response. Neither is great!!!

A man who carries something stronger than vodka in his coat pocket seemingly every single day is an unhealthy minded man! 😭

OP posts:
EmmaEmerald · 01/10/2023 00:03

OP vodka is about 40% and on the rare occasion I carry a hip flask, that's what's in it.

however, the last times I did that were for hospital visits for mum and dad - dad was dying, mum recovered. I haven't had a drink since May, I'm not an alkie but that's my emergency hip flask.

I don't know if he's an alkie but he sounds a wrong 'un generally.

EmmaEmerald · 01/10/2023 00:04

Narc stare is interesting and new to me...I'm friends with an ex who I wonder about...maybe I escaped a narc. But tbh I find myself wondering about a lot of men!

Catsafterme · 01/10/2023 00:37

It's hard to explain but it is like a contemplating gaze, like someone who was lost in a day dream and didn't hear what you said. Sometimes would do it normally and still be aware, react but other times it was fully day dream mode and would often smirk with it but it wasn't a good smirk...it was like a sinister smirk.

Nothing makes sense, like total emotional and psychological warfare, you cannot reason with them. They are intelligent with it and can fool people, strategic but also very warped and unintelligent as well, everything is an emotional reaction rather than logical. Very Jekyll and Hyde as they say.

ThereIbledit · 01/10/2023 00:53

I remember when I worked in a pub we sold a bottled ale that was 11% - we were trained to advise customers how strong it was before they purchased it.

Your normal average drinkable beer is around 4-5%.

determinedtomakethiswork · 01/10/2023 00:54

Honestly, I can't believe you have to ask. He sounds horrendous.

TomatoSandwiches · 01/10/2023 00:57

He is a weirdo, who keeps a hip flask with smelly strong beer in it?

Downunderduchess · 01/10/2023 01:40

Massive weirdo chuck him in the bin & move on.

Newestname002 · 01/10/2023 01:54

Watchkeys · 30/09/2023 17:03

Distance yourself from anybody you think might be weird, and anybody who makes you feel bad.

That's it. Don't question your feelings; respond to them. It's called self respect.

After all, if your feelings are 'wrong', you end up in a safe relationship with someone who makes you feel unsafe, so it's not a 'win', even if you are being over cautious.

That's it. Don't question your feelings; respond to them. It's called self respect.

Absolutely this - plus self preservation. Reverse quickly away. 🌹

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