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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he weird?

131 replies

Mazhaz · 30/09/2023 16:27

Long story short, met this guy. He's very handsome, successful, hardworking and funny.

When we met I instantly got a weird vibe from him but thought my intuition may be in overdrive due to a previously abusive relationship.

The list of things that bothered me are:

The look in his eyes.

The fact that he always has a small bottle of alcohol in his pocket to 'calm his nerves.'

He's mentioned a few times about how beautiful my 9 year old daughter is (this isn't an issue) but recently we spoke and he heard that she was preparing food in the background. His response was, 'oh I need a wife like that!' He then realised how it sounded and said 'but older.'

He calls himself a weirdo.

Finally, we met last night and he was acting a bit strange. I mentioned that he made me feel like he views me as a little cheap since he hadn't taken my out but was always interested in sex. His response was
To get reallyyyyy upset and said, 'are you saying I've done something to force you because I can't have people accusing me of that.' he help repeating this and I said no, absolutely not it's just that I feel that's all you're interested in.

He just went on and on about not being accused of touching me without my permission. I said he sounded a little excessively paranoid (first time I've EVER had a guy respond like that). I asked him if he's ever been accused in the past and he said, 'no, but I know people who have...'

He got really upset with me and I kept reassuring him that he had done nothing wrong as he told me from the outset that he didn't want a relationship.

His response? 'I've got tears in my eyes you've upset me that much.'

He then left the car and walked off into his car whilst ignoring me.

No idea what to think... He's called me today and text apologising but I've not responded yet.

OP posts:
Mazhaz · 30/09/2023 16:29

Phone screen is broken sorry for typos!!

OP posts:
Lamelie · 30/09/2023 16:32

Oh the drama. Bin him off.

Nannyfannybanny · 30/09/2023 16:35

I wouldn't respond,you have weird vibes. How long have you known him, sleeping with him,has he met your daughter? I wouldn't be happy about a hip flask "for his nerves", is he drink driving?

AdalineStephen · 30/09/2023 16:37

Get rid now

Catsafterme · 30/09/2023 16:37

If he's that dramatic early in best off not getting any deeper. How long has it been?

PerfectMatch · 30/09/2023 16:39

I would find this off putting OP.

RSintes · 30/09/2023 16:42

Yes.

Very.

NotObligedToArgueWithStrangers · 30/09/2023 16:44

Nope. Chuck him back

Zola1 · 30/09/2023 16:46

Can you be bothered with the drama

Opentooffers · 30/09/2023 16:50

It might be worth trying a Claire's Law on him. Though you can only do it if someone in a relationship needs safeguarding.
He is definitely strange and it all adds up to keeping your DD away from him. If he is only an fwb, just bin him off. If you have trouble ending it, ask yourself if accepting fwb is really for you, as finishing with one should be easy.The flags are flying all over the place with this one.

Cobwobs · 30/09/2023 16:53

I think if you feel the need to ask then you already know. Trust your gut

WaxingGibbon · 30/09/2023 16:54

Yes, he is weird

Mazhaz · 30/09/2023 16:57

I was with my daughter when I met him as he runs a business and I attended for an appointment. He's not been to my house or spent time with her of course they just met coincidentally.

I have considered the Claire's law thing.

It's so stressful dating as a woman and especially as a single mother. You just don't know.

I found the dramatics and the insistence on me not accusing him of some sort of rape alarming.

It's extremely disappointing as he has so much going for him and is generally very jovial. I just can't shake this feeling of him being a secret fucking weirdo.

OP posts:
Mazhaz · 30/09/2023 16:57

Cobwobs · 30/09/2023 16:53

I think if you feel the need to ask then you already know. Trust your gut

Fucking hell this is the truth.

OP posts:
squareyedannie · 30/09/2023 16:58

Yuk.

Fiddlerdragon · 30/09/2023 17:00

Jesus Christ op just fuck him off! He’s a blatant nonce and barely even trying to hide it!

BridgetJonesAsFuck · 30/09/2023 17:00

More drama than Die Hard

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/09/2023 17:00

Do not ever see this man again, block and delete him. You owe him nothing. He has a lot of red flags about him, not least of all this bottle of alcohol he carries around to calm his nerves.

If you have not enrolled yourself on to the Freedom Programme I would suggest you do this. Your boundaries, already skewed by previous abuse, and will be further eroded by this individual.

Beargrumps22 · 30/09/2023 17:02

Run for the hills!

Dery · 30/09/2023 17:02

Trust your instincts, OP. They’re there for a reason. There is something not right about this guy and you already know it.

Watchkeys · 30/09/2023 17:03

Distance yourself from anybody you think might be weird, and anybody who makes you feel bad.

That's it. Don't question your feelings; respond to them. It's called self respect.

After all, if your feelings are 'wrong', you end up in a safe relationship with someone who makes you feel unsafe, so it's not a 'win', even if you are being over cautious.

Lucylightning · 30/09/2023 17:05

Really odd and I would not be introducing him to your child or continuing the relationship anymore!

WereYouListeningToTheDudesStory · 30/09/2023 17:05

Mazhaz · 30/09/2023 16:57

I was with my daughter when I met him as he runs a business and I attended for an appointment. He's not been to my house or spent time with her of course they just met coincidentally.

I have considered the Claire's law thing.

It's so stressful dating as a woman and especially as a single mother. You just don't know.

I found the dramatics and the insistence on me not accusing him of some sort of rape alarming.

It's extremely disappointing as he has so much going for him and is generally very jovial. I just can't shake this feeling of him being a secret fucking weirdo.

It's hardly a secret!

I'd be dropping him like a handful of hot dog shit.

MMmomDD · 30/09/2023 17:08

@Mazhaz
If he told you at the start that
he is not interested in a relationship - then i am not sure why you are surprised he wants sex but no dates.

If you want to date and have a relationship - you need to meet some one who wants the same as you.

FictionalCharacter · 30/09/2023 17:09

Bin him. I got the creeps just reading that.

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