Dating Thread 243

[VenturingOut80]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Aw @VenturingOut80 such a lovely update. He's obviously attracted to you so relax and enjoy. Know its easier said than done but it's all good so far so go with the flow.

NervesOfCotton there are so many 'not technically single' ones!

VenturingOut80 what a lovely update. Very happy it's going well for you. Updates like that give me hope 🙂

Slothmomma your date sounds promising. We all have different committments on our time, so I wouldn't worry about the different ages of children for now. If you want to see him again, that is.

Honeybu 4 dates since June sounds about normal tbh. But I get your frustration. It can seem like everyone is out dating all the time and getting lots of chats.
The reality is very different.
Taking a break can help. Or a profile refresh.

The gods of tinder must've been listening to my moaning. I woke up to 3 matches this morning. And another has just appeared.
The first 3 have sent messages which show they've looked at my profile. Now I just need to keep the convo going 🤞

I’ve been on Bumble since January and only 5 dates with just 1 leading up a second so sounds like you’re doing ok.

I got disheartened at first but I’m not stressing about lack of dates now. I realise I’ve set my bar high so it’s better to have a bit of quality control rather than lots of dates with wronguns.

Excellent start to a Monday!

So glad I found this thread.
Im very new to online dating, only joined a few weeks ago after being separated from husband for 3 years. Went on a first date the other week with the first person I started talking to, we’ve another planned this weekend.

@VenturingOut80 @NellyTheCake yeah I'd like to see him again so hoping we can get something in diary where both available 🤞

I have an etiquette/safety question. Matched with a guy on an app. Have had sporadic chats - he’s not available to meet for a few weeks as has kids with him so paused chatting until then. I can’t be doing with endless messaging. This may sound odd but I think genuine as he got back on touch a few days ago to check the date we’d suggested still works.

Anyway. It’s still over a week away and I’m done with the app. Time sink, time wasters etc. and want to delete it. what options do I have for staying in contact with him for the purposes of a drink, without doing anything rash? I really not keen on the idea of calling/video calling.

Lots of typos. Also I mean a daytime drink.

Also I realise the not available-bit might sound odd, but my sense is that it’s genuine. He gave a date at the outset (well after initial chats) didn’t go quiet and come back some time later.

WhatsApp is best way to stay in touch and you can block if it goes wrong

@FallenFigs
I second Whatsapp. Alternatively is there a way to 'hide' yourself on the app. Eg on tinder you can turn discovery off so no new people can see you so you can continue messaging through the app but not have to deal with the other features?

As in, give him my number before deleting? Not keen. That would literally be giving my number to a guy off the internet.

There probably is a pause thing. I’ll look. It’s bumble

That would literally be giving my number to a guy off the internet

that’s OLD for ya 😂

FallenFigs I don't know if there's a pause on Bumble but I don't like handing my number over either, so in your position I'd just stay 'on' there until the date. You don't have to talk to anybody else if you don't want to.

@FallenFigs
Admittedly I have done it once before a date but I worked in the same organisation as him. Other messaging services are pretty dodgy (Kik for example) so wouldn't recommend any of those, of them all WhatsApp is your safest bet. If your Instagram isn't private that could be an option too. I've had mine linked to OLD apps before.
I would recommended the trying to hide yourself on the app. I think you can do it on most apps and that's what you're coming with which is most important

Snapchat if you both have it. That way you don’t have to give your number out.

But also every app has the ability to freeze profile
much easier and bumble has this . In profile or setting

@VenturingOut80
So happy for you, sounds like everything was in your favour for a great time 😊

It's so nice when you feel things are finally going your way.
Also @Slothmomma its great to find someone who makes you laugh isn't it.

Hi All,

a background story of my OLD

Please someone tell me what has happened to me. I’m I bad irresponsible person to myself and my kids.

Two years ago met a guy online dating less than 2 weeks after joining online dating I met my ex, we chatted for two days and then meet up for a date. All seem perfect was very happy for 3 months. He showed me so much love sex was wonderful, he was good to me and my kids. After 3 months sex start to drop
He is separated from wife more than 8 years and no divorce and was living with his mum when we met.
Problem start after a month of knowing him he slowly moved himself into my home and for the first 2months I would ask him to go home as we never discussed he would be living at my house ( I feel bad about asking him to leave my house constantly but I also needed my space ). Eventually I gave in let him live in my house for the duration of our relationship, until I asked him to divorce his wife to progress the relationship but he keep on giving me constant promise of getting divorce for 6 months and nothing happened so I ended the relationship. He was really helpful with DIY I did the cooking and wash his clothes. We both work full time. He paid his way when he moved in. He was generally good to us.

Now I feel I shouldn’t have ended it as everything else was ok apart from him getting divorce. Did I ask for too much of him?

Was it bad of me constantly asking him to go to his mums for the first two months he slowly moved in my house?

He hasn’t bothered since he left in April this year, I have reach out and he doesn’t bother.

Was he only after a place to live?

was I lucky to found him so quick? And now been OLD dating again and been months.

I really want this feeling to go away of missing him, regret.

please be kind, he was first after divorce with kids father

@Honeybu think you need your own thread if you want specific advice.

But you meeting him online isn't the issue I think. The relationship progressed. It's the (lack of) boundaries, moving in together quickly, that you prob need advice with.

There is nothing wrong with asking him to go home. you have every right to.

Just because you haven't met anyone new doesn't mean there's no one for you.

This afternoon I have a Teams with about 5 others from around the country. One of them will be MsNewFriend from last Friday. We have been txting, just mundane chat, not heavy.
I have been carefully planning what to wear. Grr it is not in person, it is work not a date! Grainy image from the other end of the table. Work first

@Honeybu Yes you might be better starting a new thread in relationships, but just to say your description of the sex tailing off so quickly and him moving in by stealth while showing reluctance to divorce his wife, does sound as if there was an element of using you to get out of his mums house.

This is why I typically only date men who have their own place whether it’s rented or owned. I don’t know how long he was at his mums but if he went straight from his wife’s to his mum it’s likely he is not financially or practically equipped to live alone.

A man who moves into a woman’s furnished house and just has to send across half the bills each month, is still probably saving a lot of money & hassle than if he were to rent a one bed, furnish it and organise all meals & bills himself, so they sometimes see it as an easy option If they don’t want to live with their mums forever.

This legally married man who lives with his mum and moved in without discussion doesn’t sound like a catch! So, I wouldn’t say you were “lucky” to meet him. Perhaps next time be more alert to red flags and think about some dealbreakers - things you really can’t tolerate in a man as well as what you truly desire

Not sure if things will progress with iron from Sunday. He messaged yesterday asking about day and I replied and then asked when he fancied meeting up again? He replied saying he wasnt looking to rush into anything and thought I was same and he potentially wanted to meet again but was busy this week. I was only asking for another meet - not his hand in marriage so very odd. Assume he's looking to keep me on back burner whilst he tries luck with others which is fine - I'm still swiping - so I won't be chasing and will merely match his energy herein

Slothmomma I'd take that the same way that you are tbh, bit of a strange reaction to a normal question! Good idea to match his energy now.

Bumble has completely fizzled out for me (again) I had one chat going but he seems to have disappeared.

I did have this charming message though 'I lost my wife to cancer 1 month ago, by the way do you have any full length pics? Like to see your sexy bod ;)

Grim.

I’ve got a couple of promising chats going, one of which is going very well I think.

Few of the same grim messages which I just delete. Though nice to know I’ve got cracking tits at my age 🤣🤣

And a very strange one where the last guy I dated before lockdowns mate swiped right - and yes he knows me! I presume it’s been screenshot and sent on but I really don’t care.