Dating Thread 243

[VenturingOut80]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I had a long chat with Mr Noodles yesterday.
I asked if he was still on the apps cos his location kept changed. He said no, he wasn't using them. And then deleted his profile in front of me.

I asked him to calm down with the love bombing as it was a bit ott.
He said he would try but that's what's he's like when he meets someone he wants to spend time with.

So, we are now exclusive and will see where it goes from here.

@NellyTheCake enjoy! Hope he does calm it :)

@NellyTheCake

Great update. Fingers crossed for you

My latest iron has imploded already. I was quite busy last night and didn’t get chance to reply to his messages So I got a ????

Then when I did reply he made a bit of a dig but said it was a joke. We left it and I got a hello message this morning. Work been chaotic today and I’ve just gone to reply and ive been blocked - oh well 🤷‍♀️

Dodged a bullet there @SamW98 sounds like an impatient idiot

@qqq82 this has been going on a while his needy friend …I’d have knocked it on the head by now.

You’ve done well to tolerate it this long most wouldn’t I don’t think.

@NellyTheCake Good that he deleted it in front of you, glad you two now are exclusive, fingers crossed

NellyTheCake

thats a good update 🙂

@SamW98 Questionmarks mean he's not a good communicator, what he did with ??? Rude. He imploded indeed. Good riddance, you don't need an impatient man.

Doesn’t take long for them to show themselves does it?

??? is what I used to get from my son when he was about 12 and wanted FIFA points

And the dig dressed up as humour - no thank you

SamW98

that the sign of an unhappy human there ☹️

he’s approached it with such an insecure and agressive way
silly and his loss

I have an update

an old iron I never managed to meet but messaged constantly for 6 months has been in touch
he was overseas and it was covid so 🤷‍♀️
then I met someone here and was with them for a while

anyway he might come to my city
we shall see

Went on to Match. Lasted an hour. One of the first messages I get is ‘Your sexy!’ I reply ‘You can’t spell’ I’m not sure who was more annoying. It’s draining. Please watch out for a serving Marine officer on Bumble using a photo I took of him to find new women. We split last week only. He has a short irritable temper and will shut any attempts to resolve issues (read that as getting dumped) despite having spoken of being engaged by next summer. I apologise if this breaches ground rules but even if a few of you manage to see this.

Just peering round the corner.....

13yr relationship came to an end 6 weeks ago (although that was really 6months in the making so ive been quite content), but I am beginning to miss the attention of a SO. The flirting, the feeling desired, feeling attractive, wanted etc so thinking about dipping my toes into the online world.
I have never used any form of apps or online dating. All previous partners have met irl (usually in a nightclub or place of work) so this is a whole new world to me.
Which is the best app to start with? Any dos and donts?

@Shewhobecamethesun sorry about your break up.

OLD, develop a thick skin, resilience, be aware you’ll make mistakes and don’t beat yourself up about.

And we are here to support along the tje way! No judgement.

Thank you @LittleFloatingGhost
I've signed up to Tinder and embarrassingly, the first profile that came up was a guy I used to work with 6 years ago
I've already matched with a guy and the minute he messaged I just wanted to delete the app and hide. Feel like a teenager again lol.

@Shewhobecamethesun

Good luck. Can only echo as already said that you do develop a thick skin and please try not to take ghosting or rejection personally with OLD as there are a lot of players and chancers. It really isn’t you it’s definitely them

As you’re only recently single, don’t worry or stress if you think ‘I can’t do this’ I certainly had a few false starts and breaks before I was truly ready to start dating (it had been 30 years for me)

I would just say if someone doesn’t feel right, trust your gut

But enjoy and good luck.

This thread is here for your good bad ugly or fantastic posts and use us to vent and ask questions.

Thank you. Can I ask what everyone uses as their conversation starters? I have zero idea what to send as a message. Do you go normal? Hey, how are you? Or chat up line? Or random - if you were an animal what animal would you be?
IRL it would be eye contact, a smile and a "hi". I'm a much better in person flirt then by message lol

I tend to ask questions that give me a chance to get to know him. So things like, what do you love about your job/how did you get into it? What do you wish people understood about you? Who are your heroes? What are you reading at the moment? Where have you travelled that you'd love to go back to? Etc.

Matthew Hussey has a list of 8 first date questions he suggests using - possibly I've nicked some of them in my examples above!

Oh sorry, did you mean online? I wait for them to start the conversation with me and I usually answer similarly to how they open. So if they say, Hi, I say hi back. If they ask me an open question, I'll answer and ask them the same back.

I don't think conversation starters matter that much. If a man is interested, he'll start the chat.

I try and find a hook in the profile ,,, " I noticed you like reading, Thai food, stripping naked at midnight and running around the local park😀. Whatever - gives you a common point to start chatting

@Shewhobecamethesun

I agree with finding something in their profile and asking about that as an opener. It also shows you’ve actually read their profile not just swiped for the photo.

Im only on bumble so women message first.

Personally when I was on other sites, anyone who just said hi, sent a wave or opened with something cheesy like ‘hi sexy’ or ‘gorgeous’ got instantly deleted. Some effort should be shown I think

There are a lot of women who don't fill the profiles in well (presume it's the same with the men). If you don't I move on - had someone message me because I like difficult sudokus!!!!

Be good with your profile - it helps attract the right people whatever your interests in life are

I think a hi is fine. It's nicer if they make more effort, though.

Definitely have a good profile. I have a few things on mine that men always comment on or ask about. And also it's obvious if someone hasn't bothered reading it at all!

I agree re profiles. If there’s nothing to go on, I pass them by
And the worst is when they put ‘fill this in later’ - I just think if you can’t take a few minutes to write something, it shows very low effort. The profile can always be updated later on. I’ve changed my words a few times.