Dating Thread 243

[VenturingOut80]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I only got nervous once and that was with Mr GA. Soon as I saw him walking up I fancied him and it took me a while to stop the butterflies.

Just a shame there were far too many complications to continue seeing him but hopefully there’ll be someone else who makes me feel nervous again soon.

He didn't use those words. He said that he was sensitive about his actions being misinterpreted and that he was honest in explaining his decisions. I'm not sure he's a narcissist but I wonder if part of the reason I'm so upset is because he messed with my head a bit. His words and his actions didn't seem to align. His version of events is reasonable though, I guess. I just wish I didn't feel so sad about it. I don't really know why I am!

Thanks everyone for sharing your opinion and experiences about nervousness, it helps me understand this better and why it might be a good thing.

@taylorswift1989 as I've said before, if someone likes you, they will want to lock things down so to speak. If he's already cutting things short or you are feeling anxious, then he's not into you.

Thank you. Yes, that's how I saw it too. If he liked me as much as he was telling me he did, he wouldn't be cutting a date short or cancelling on me. His words and actions didn't seem to match.

Words are cheap and it’s actions that count. When they don’t match then it’s a red flag imo

You will feel sad. I felt gutted about Mr GA despite it only being a couple of weeks but best to know now than waste any more time.

100%
you won't have to guess, chase or wonder. You won't feel anxious.
Cutting a date short if no emergency I would find very disrespectful. you took time out to meet with him too.

I didn't feel anxious - I just felt sad and deflated. I felt like things had changed, although he kept on texting all the time and saying lovely things.

I don't know. It was confusing. But I think for the best.

Well I’ve got an unexpected iron. Matched on FB dating and been messaging all evening.

Not my usual type and I was a little hesitant at first but it’s been really natural flowing chat.

I never get too carried away but it’s nice when conversation is effortless

Words are cheap and it’s actions that count

This is really interesting ^^, when I was dating the Teacher she had ( as I have later learned), a lot of anxiety around her looks, which was stupid as she was very good looking, but she needed constant reassurance about her looks and for her, words were almost more important than action, which I found really hard to grasp

Try looking at this book - https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0241529719/ref=ox_sc_act_title_1?smid=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&psc=1

Sonetimes reassurance will matter a lot to someone.

If there is a mismatch between with what something is saying and doing, look at their actions.

@taylorswift1989 I think it's for the best and agree with the others that you wouldn't have been questioning things if he was that into you as he'd be showing it not just saying it. We've all had it.

Nothing happening here. Matched with a guy and got chatting only to find he was only passing through and actually love hundreds of miles away🤦‍♀️ matched with another 2 yesterday and messaged them both. Had a how are you from one which I replied to asking him something else then heard no more and nothing from second so I'll delete later today. All out of people to swipe now on apps as I've left swiped them all 🤦‍♀️😄

I did bumble speed dating for the first time tonight. Matched with four, kids needed something and came back having been unmatched by two.

Used voice notes which made it quicker and was nice.

Have date 4 with Mr Beer on Friday. I am looking forward to seeing him, but also feeling things are a little slow… From what he has said, he has been single three years after a 20 year relationship. Doesn’t appear to have had any relationships in that time. We have kissed, which is lovely. I I invited back to mine last time and he politely declined.

We msg daily. I have suggested a call a few times and he is always tired.

Not sure if he is a slow burn/cautious or it’s moving to a friend zone?

Or he's married? Who is too tired for a phone call?

Well my surprise iron asked if I want to meet Sunday. He’s away visiting family from tomorrow until Saturday and we’ve been messaging all day again. Not spoken on phone yet but that’s next step.

Being honest I wouldn’t have swiped for him if he hadn’t messaged me first but so far we’ve really been getting on well. He’s a few years older and lives just over an hour away but said he is happy to come up to my way for a meet up.

Ill call him Mr VW as he drives a camper van.

There’s another couple I’ve been chatting to but not feeling either of those. One is a bit like pulling teeth and I’m getting a vibe the other is only after casual.

@LittleFloatingGhost I can’t remember if I already asked, but do you have to pay to do the Bumble speed dating?

No you don’t have to pay. It’s available on the free Bumble on Tuesday Thursday and Sunday from 7-8

@SamW98 @GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife - what's it like on the Sunday session. The chances of me being home from work and ready to go at 7 is pretty minimal but Sunday has its appeal. Is it just 20s and 30s or are there older people on as well

@SamW98 that’s great! Exciting when it’s unexpected.

@GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife it’s free. You don’t need to be on from 7pm either, just join anytime within that hour and it’ll match you with someone. All mine were within 30 miles or so of me.

@beastlyslumber I guess that’s always an option 😂😂 from what I know he was never married. From what he has said he is definitely single and whilst he has had dates he hasn’t had more than a second date, we are meeting for the fourth.

I definitely have trust issues! The guy I was seeing earlier in the year had red flags the more I got to know him as he had misled me a few times. On reflection that explains so much.

The call thing is the only question mark I have with this one (and my little frustration about becoming more intimate a bit quicker). I’ll speak with him when I see him.

Which gives me another question - can you specify the age group? I don’t want to talk to anyone in their 20s!

It matches you with people who fit with your specified criteria - age, distance etc .

@LittleFloatingGhost

I would definitely mention the telephone thing. It may just be he’s not a lover of talking on phone but he needs to be honest.

Personally, I wouldn’t be thinking about sex by the 3/4 date but I am a slow burn when it comes to attraction and I have to be sure there’s a connection before I sleep with someone so I wouldn’t see that as an issue. Especially as he’s new to dating after a long term relationship- it is daunting.

@SamW98 That’s a really valid point. I thought it may be this, I understand it but also a little apprehensive about that too.

I'm having a bit of a "what's going on" with Mr Noddles.
We went out Mon eve for dinner. He picked me up. Made sense as he was going near my house. I know his full name, where he works, where he lives, so I felt safe.

Dinner was good. We had a laugh and a good chat. Very flirty. He asked me what I was looking for. My answer was dating & see where it goes.
He was much more full on. Talking about Christmas & when he could see me then. He asked me to go with him on a business trip to Europe later this month. I declined.

He dropped me home & I invited him in but made it clear sex was not happening. He seemed ok with that but still tried to push things a bit.

I had been a bit nosey earlier in the day and looked at his bumble location. It kept changing as he moved around for work. Bumble updates your location whenever you open the app.
I asked if he was still using it, he said he hadn't been on it in days.

I didn't challenge him about it because we've only had 3 dates and there's no committment.

Today he's messaged me quite a bit. And has invited himself to my house for dinner on Friday. I haven't said yes or no yet.

I'm in two minds. On minute he seems to be love bombing. But he also appears to still be using the apps.

Fri eve could be a fun evening with good company. I'm ignoring the love bombing as part of me thinks that's his nature (he's not British). And I also need to ask him about him using the apps. But just go with the flow and enjoy the moment.

Or I just say no thanks now because he's making me question his motives. And that's not a good start.