Dating Thread 243

[VenturingOut80]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@NellyTheCake - best wishes on this Nelly. Chinese meals are a good date as can order stuff to both tastes.

I'm a bit like you and quite wary but from previous posts he seems a decent guy and sometime a slightly slower burn works out for the best

Morning. Well I had an afternoon out in the wild yesterday dancing in a bar across the river and I recognised a man in there I’ve matched with previously.
We did chat for a few days but I found him a bit pushy and creepy so I unmatched.

I was driving so sober and noticed he was all over a couple of women so I definitely made right decision to unmatch. He obviously recognised me as kept looking over.

And todays fine specimen.

Him - hi x
Me - (I usually delete just a hi but thinking now let’s at least try to get a chat going)
Good morning. Thanks for message how are you? Good weekend.

Him - yes you?

Me - yes (tell him what I did weekend and what I’m doing now)

Him - let me know if you want to meet this week

Me - I prefer to get to know someone a bit better before we meet so let’s chat and go from there.

Him - another time waster. Why match if you don’t want to meet?

This is all within 30 minutes - it’s not me is it?

They want results 0 to 100, it's mad

@SamW98 - No its not you at all.

I'm not very experienced at online dating but any chats I've had one or other of us opens with something we've spotted in the profile. Then we see how it goes.

Thing is I don’t want to message for weeks on end and happy to arrange a drink or coffee after a few days of chatting but with that level of communication I might as well walk up to a random in the street and say ‘fancy a date?’

I wouldn't want to do it for weeks on end either - a few days to suss them out feels about right to me

Video call before having that date helps avoid disappointment

100% this, but you cannot chat for too long without a meeting or you build up an unreal expectation of what the person is like ( which I have been 100% guilty off)

I agree. A couple of days messaging to see if there’s any sort of connection then a phone call for me followed by a meet if the call goes well.

I find the longer messaging goes on, then it goes off the boil

After the opening exchanges we normally get on to theatre, galleries, books or whatever and you can see what they are like.

I'm a bit older so want someone who enjoys those sort of things. I normally don't tell them I support Chelsea until its too late

At least a call anyway. If you're both single often lots of other things going on. Had to learn all this from scratch a few months ago.. And I don't mind travelling a bit and paying for a meal for someone at all

@SamW98 not you at all. I had one like that last week, asked a few questions about which cocktails I liked, nothing about me at all, then asked me out for one, all in the space of an hour. I just replied and said no thank you as wasn't feeling the chat - which was true because there wasn't any 🤣

I replied it’s the opposite to time wasting and it’s better to spend a few days getting to know each other before we arrange to meet.

He replied - ok

Deleted now

What if you fance someone but you're nervous/afraid of them a bit, is that a bad sign or what does it mean?

SamW98
Definitely not you. If anything he was the time waster because he wasn't bothering to engage in any sort of conversation.

I would put money on that being his normal level of chat and he gets unmatched a lot. Therefore he thinks women are all timewasters.

I've always been nervous when I fancied someone wondering whether it was reciprocated.

If I was frightened of someone wouldn't go near them

I think as we’re all a bit older we accept we’ve all got our own lives and it’s not always easy to find a suitable date that works for both straight away.

But for me it’s essential to keep good communication going while you arrange to meet.

Personally I don’t video chat. It’s not for me. I’ve never used face time in my life, teams meetings at work are bad enough

@NellyTheCake

💯- i reckon he’s one of those ‘lovely blokes’ were always being told we won’t give a chance to who doesn’t seem to understand that having the conversation skills of a monosyllabic teenager isn’t the way forward

@SamW98 - I don't do video calls either. Messages on the site and then WhatsApp and a chat if its going well. After that a meet - like a lunch personally although I know people who prefer coffee or a walk. Lunch is good because its in a relaxing environment, can be quite quick if necessary or be extended if things are going well

Thanks @ManAboutTown I think what I get from that is never gamble more than you can afford to lose

I'm quite nervous about Mr Noodles.
He's a very successful business man. And I've discovered he has a side hustle that's super cool.

Why does he want to bother with a old woman like me?
He's not showing any signs that he's just after a quick shag. But I can't help feeling he'll get bored of me very quickly.

I don't see it as a bad thing to be nervous about where this is going or around him. That's my years of experience telling me not to rush into anything too quickly or I might get hurt.

However, if he made me afraid of him for any reason, I'd be running very quickly in the opposite direction.

I think it’s probably a good-ish thing it means you are alive and healthy and thinking.

I was nervous before I asked teacher out as in case she turned me down ( in hindsight would have been a good thing 😂)

Me and Mr Animal officially ended things after he cut our last date short and then cancelled our next date because he needed time to himself. I was actually really upset, hurt and confused. He said that he really liked me and that he was genuine about his reasons for cancelling dates. But my lack of trust in him turned him off. I felt like his actions spoke louder than words and if he was genuinely into me he would have made the effort to see me. Was I wrong? I surprised myself with how much it upset and confused me.

So YOUR lack of trust in him (for truncating/cancelling) turned HIM off. It’s all your fault? Good grief. Narcissist. No wonder you’re hurt/confused! You’ve done nothing wrong.