Dating Thread 243

[VenturingOut80]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Thank you for asking Slothmomma, I'm doing ok just having a bad day.

Hope you have a lovely evening! I love that you call it 'In the wild'

NellyTheCake What did you decide to wear? I hope you have a lovely evening too!

God Ourtime is dire

I have received 50 messages from one man so I caved and said no thank you and can you please stop messaging me

And then got another message.

Even the app realised I was getting bombarded and asked if I want to report , it he was just persistent and irritating rather than anything offensive .

I've just blocked him .

Sorry to hear your date turned out to be a player, @capabilityfrowns 😥- it all sounded so promising! But at least he showed his true colours pretty quickly. And it's good you didn't stay the night at the hotel.

As for the 50 messages from one guy... nothing surprises me any more!

I haven't been on any dates for ages but am writing to a few guys on Ourtime. They are all around about my age (60). I get an incredible amount of 'likes' from guys over 100 km away - I do live in a small town, so I know I'm not going to match with anyone who lives very near to me, but still!

And then there is one guy who keeps on phoning me - I just don't feel comfortable speaking on the phone every day with someone I have never met. Also, another red flag in my opinion - he deleted his profile soon after he matched with me and got my WhatsApp number. Now he has put up a new profile with more photos, a different home town but the same name.

Then there is another guy who lives closer to my town - he seemed more 'normal' - no phoning, no weird photos (fortunately, I have never received any of the photos some of you have been bombarded with!) and he can actually spell!!! But today he told me (via WhatsApp) he lives with his ex and his adult son, although his son spends half his time with his girlfriend. Anyway, he said he 'split up' from his ex in 2019 but they are still living together!!! I haven't had time to ask why, but it sounds very weird to me. Apparently they get on well - so why split up??? I can't think of any good reason, especially with an adult, non-dependent child!

Meanwhile, I'm trying to meet as many people as possible in the wild! 😁 I'm getting very fit from all the hiking I've been doing these days! 😁

Yeah shimla I'm getting likes from men in Brighton when I'm in Yorkshire! Seems a bit odd !

Mr player was midlands and even that was too far . I'm not impressed with Ourtime . Waiting for subscription to run out to be honest .

@Shimla999 - that is definitely odd. Lived with my ex for several months after split but purely for the purpose of preparing the house for sale and actually selling it. There's no other real reason for doing it (and the house was big enough to lead separate lives)

My strong suspicion is that he is still with the "ex"

@Shimla999 £20 says that woman doesn’t know she’s his ex.

Yes, it is weird, isn't it? I mean I lived with my ex for 3 hellish months whilst we were separating - it was horrendous!!! Well, at least he told me now before meeting him! I'm not sure I will meet him, to be honest - but I am going to ask why he still lives with his ex.

@ManAboutTown Like you, a friend of mine lived with her ex for a year whilst they tried to sell their house - but they had a huge place too and lived quite separately.
@capabilityfrowns Yes, I get things like that too - people who live 5 or 6 hours away by car contacting me. Not sure if that's just an Ourtime thing or if it happens on other sites too! 😁
@Didsomeonesaydogs You could be right there - it's so strange😁

Shimla It happens on all of them. I get Matches on Bumble from over 100 miles away, I just delete them.

Although I did once have a conversation on the 'Message anybody' site, I can't remember the distance but it would have taken 7 hours on the train to get there (So Google told me) & he was saying 'Yeah, that's cool isn't it, it's still do-able in a day if I get up early'... Er, no it isn't, not for a first date, not for any sane person

I live in Essex and I was messaged by a man who lived in Weston super mare I had yo google it 🤣
When I said it was too far he got really arsey and said he’s from South Africa originally and the nearest town is 3 hours drive so it’s a pathetic excuse - he got unmatched!

I get a lot of matches who live up north but are down here for work. Problem is a lot go home at weekends and that’s when I’d want to date. I do think some of them are probably attached and want someone to pass the time while they’re stuck in a hotel room.

@SamW98 this is what ime conscious of after the grifter who was outed by Facebook as having a partner who was all loved up with him 😡

Date 2 with Mr Not My Type (needs a new name) was good.
He seemed more relaxed in the bar that he knew. And I didn't feel too out of place, just 20yrs older than most there.
Went for black jeans, black top, leather jacket & Dr Martens. He told me he loved my look 🙂

We had a laugh and a good chat. Then he walked me back to my car. Had a little snog. He is a very good kisser. And very respectful. Didn't shove his tongue down my throat, didn't let his hands wander.

Can't say I really fancy him atm but I like his personality and that's important to me.
Date 3 should happen at so point. We've both said we'd like to meet again.

Great news on the date @NellyTheCake

Took a bit of a break. Just a bit fed up from things going 0 to 100. This dating/romance period is supposed to be the nicest in any relationship, but I found that there was just things I wasn't keen on doing so the other party would find me nice and accomodating.

I really wanted to think of myself and my own needs, not on keeping pace with some stranger off of OLD who was running things at his own bloody pace.

I think you might be alone in liking dick pics!

cassiatwenty I hear you. Sometimes it just gets to you doesn't it.

NellyTheCake Great update

Mr Animal messaged to cancel our date for tomorrow. This, after he basically kicked me out last week, makes me think there's no point going on. He says he's stressed with work and needs solo time for his mental health. Fair enough. But I suspect he just isn't that into me.

I wish he'd just be honest about it. But I guess he wants to keep me hanging around in case he hasn't got anything better to do.

I'm so over it!

Great update @NellyTheCake

Got a match on FB dating last night who messaged straight away complimenting my photos. I replied and chat was going well. I then said I had to drop off as I was picking my son up from a night out. He replied NP look forward to carrying on chatting tomorrow - this morning I’ve been deleted 🤷‍♀️

I’m out in the wild this afternoon. Not looking for men but just normal interactions with real humans.

And of course waking up to the usual selection of ‘hi’ X and 👋 messages - nope!

Well, I was supposed to be going on a date tomorrow night, I messaged him yesterday on WhatsApp as that's how we communicate, just asking how his weekend was going and he hasn't replied. I've just seen on Bumble that he's deleted our conversation there and am wondering if that means he's now ghosting me! I've not even been on 3 weeks but I'm not enjoying it at all so far!

I was out in the wild this morning too 😊 - on a hike - not looking for men either - just human interactions and also exercise. I am getting so fit with all these hikes I've been going on!!! 😁But, I have come to one conclusion, after speaking to two really lovely guys on the walk (one a vet and other who works in mental health - both married, of course 😁) I realised that I probably would not have 'liked' them for their looks online. They aren't bad looking and, based on their jobs and interests, I might well have 'liked' them. But, on looks alone I don't think I would have. However, after speaking to both of them for a while I found them both lovely. It made me realise I might be missing out on meeting some really nice guys I might be compatible with, just because their photo isn't fantastic or I don't like their shirt or something else.

Anyway, I really think I'm going to prioritise real-life activities as much as possible, even though most of the people I meet on them are married. I don't seem to be having much luck with OLD. Especially after discovering one of the guys I have been chatting to recently (who does look very nice in his photos, to be honest) still lives with his ex ('separated' since 2019 but still living together with their adult son!). I still haven't asked why 😁

By the way, do any of you get tired of having the same - or virtually the same - introductory conversations with all these guys online? I am totally bored with having to go through the same things. Maybe that's why I'm not having much luck? If I'm bored with myself, maybe they are too! 😁Sometimes I feel like inventing things to make myself sound a bit more exciting! 😂

Sorry to hear that, @SamW98 - what site are you using? I don't know if you can delete people on Ourtime. Well, you can delete your own profile of course.

I hope you have a lovely afternoon in the wild! 😄

Some good news about then, good update @NellyTheCake. I have have a very good weekend with Ms NF. I stayed at her house last night. She is very gentle and kind. We both intend continuing. Pity we live 50 miles apart.

On other threads. A woman had good sex on her first real date with a much younger bloke. They both want to meet more.

@Shimla999 I am thoroughly bored of starting the conversations, mostly the same way each time!

NellyTheCake

ah lovely
update !
lots of green flags

Morning everyone
Thanks for all the supportive messages. Date 3 this eve and I'm actually looking forward to seeing him again.
I'm going to rename him Mr Noodles as we're going for a Chinese meal out. His suggestion.

He seems super keen. I'm a bit more wary. So, just have to see how it goes.