Dating Thread 243

[VenturingOut80]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

What an arse 😡

I just keep picking the wrong men don't I

What an arse.

You should have messaged back and said "I'm not quite sure what that is - it looks like a dick but much smaller"

I don't see the point. Did he expect me to say 'Ooh, come round now I really want that dick & you can shove your tongue down my throat & manhandle my boobs some more too'.

I've moved on from anger to sad now. It's me isn't it, I keep attracting these men

@NervesOfCotton It's not you. The fact that he was pleasant and you were hopeful and conversation flowed shows that you didn't anticipate any of it.

In fact, probably more of a betrayal given that he was nice and you didn't see this outcome. OLD can be hellish. It's not you 💐

I'm more of a lurker on these threads but just wanted to say - NO, it's not you! This is all on him. It's a disgusting way to behave and he wanted to shock you. You made it quite clear you didn't want to see him again (and even if you hadn't this would still be totally unacceptable).

Please don't think it's your fault - IT'S NOT. Just be grateful you won't have to see this sick flasher again. You're worth a million of him.

Thank you for the kindness cassiatwenty & Labradorandme For de-lurking. I know it's not me really, just having a wobble. 2 out of the last 3 have groped me so am I putting some message out there that it's ok for them to do that?!

@NervesOfCotton

Please don’t blame yourself at all. This is all him. You said no to him and sone men can’t deal with that. The dick pic is his FU - he’s a vile creep and you need to thank your lucky stars you didn’t take it any further with him.

Sadly OLD is full of these disgusting specimens. Take a deep breath, dust yourself down and remember you’re worth more than that POS.

No you are not putting out a message that it's ok. Some men are idiots- they will try thier luck.

You are however not quick/firm enough with your boundaries. The minute he placed his hands on your chest, the date would have been over for me. You said he groped you for another 20 minutes.

Sorry, but you seem to give them too much of a chance. There is no scarcity of rubbish men, once you see a hint they're not the right fit for you for any reason, take yourself out.

Myfabby I agree with that. Thank you.

SamW Thank you, I'm ok. My kids dad has annoyed me as well (they are with him) & I'm just having a very bad start to my day but I'll be ok.

You are all very lovely & very wise

NervesOfCotton
Cyberflashing is now illegal. He can be reported to the police, via 101 online.

I hope you're ok. This is not your fault. He's just showing himself for the scum he really is.

@NervesOfCotton that's horrible! So sorry you've had this experience. The fact that you actually had a nice date (until the rough snog/grope) makes it even worse. So many 'nice guys' can turn nasty very quickly when rejected. Uppity women need putting in their place. His precious ego was wounded, so it turned up on your phone at 5:30am.

What app did you meet him on? Worth reporting him? No idea if apps take abuse seriously - they'd run out of men pretty fast.

This is what scares me about OLD: even 'nice' men don't like being rejected, and because it's anonymous, they think they can punish you with impunity. This guy probably comes across as perfectly decent IRL, at work and around friends, but with no social context, he behaves like a pig. Makes you wonder how many 'nice guys' secretly resent women and want to lash out at them.

Thank you NellyTheCake I'm ok. I just want to forget about it. I didn't realise that though, it hasn't always been the case has it?

It's so up & down sometimes isn't it. OLD.
Emotionally, I don't know weather I'm coming or going.

My other 2 matches didn't come back on Bumble so they are deleted, the third one carried on chatting until late last night & then said he's not sure if he's actually looking to date anybody... Said his friend wrote his profile & put him on there... Which did make sense as he came across very differently to how it was written. In a good way!

Anyway, I wasn't sure if he was giving me the polite brush off or not so I kind of said 'Well you know where I am if you'd like to chat' & he said thanks & hoped the next few days (that we'd been talking about) go well.

He seemed lovely but. Sigh. I doubt I'll hear any more.

seishonagon Thank you, I'm just going to leave it. It's too easy for them to just leave the sites & then come back isn't it, to avoid actually getting into any kind of of bother.

I'm still going to be looking, but I'm going to dial it back a notch. Finding it quite emotionally difficult with the meets like that (that are perfect until the end)

@NervesOfCotton

I would take a break. You're entertaining crumbs.

Well you know where I am if you'd like to chat' & he said thanks & hoped the next few days (that we'd been talking about) go well.

Why did you bother? Men know where you are, and know what to do.

Please take some time off. You sound lovely and you deserve someone lovely! But it sounds like you have a scattergun approach, talk to lots - even if unsuitable hoping one will stick. You're just hurting yourself and self esteem, because rejection does hurt especially when it's from people we were just tolerating/giving a chance.

Please take care of yourself.

Myfabby I know they do, I 'bothered' as I was just 'Ending' the conversation really.

I talk to them as they come up, sometimes it's weeks with nobody suitable but if several suitable ones then come up at the same time then I'll chat to them.

And I do only speak to the suitable ones, however it comes across on here. I do have some standards. I'm not just speaking to anybody who shows the slightest interest.

@NervesOfCotton I seem to have offended you, so please ignore my advice. It was meant with the purest of intentions.

Myfabby I'm offended by the suggestion that I will take attention from anybody as that's just not true.

I'll admit my faults & I definitely struggle when things go wrong, to say no & walk away.

I had a third date last night with a man I'll call Mr Animal. He cooked me dinner and we chatted. But immediately after dinner he basically kicked me out because he was tired. He did drive me home and we have a date arranged for next week. But I felt a bit deflated that he couldn't make more of an effort. He's been texting today saying he's not feeling too well, so maybe that's all there is to it. Dunno.

I also had a fifth date with the man I'll call... Mr Fitty. He's lovely, we're having loads of fun, and while neither of us are looking for something serious, we are into each other and all we do together is laugh. Well, that and a bit of the other!

I'm talking to a few other men but actually I might need to take a bit of a step back for a while as there are a few too many men and I'm feeling the need to chill for a while.

NervesOfCotton
The ability to report cyberflashing is relatively new. I'm not a lawyer or have any legal expertise but I have seen it mentioned a few times recently.

I've had unwanted dick pics & it makes you want to drop your phone in bleach just to get rid of it.
So totally get your reaction to delete, block and move on.

I think if I got one again, I'd try & calmly reply that what they'd done was illegal & I was reporting them. Then block & delete.
They won't know if I actually report anythjng. But might stop them doing it again.

I may be alone in this but I don't mind a dick pic. I think they're quite amusing. To be fair, most men do ask first, though.

taylorswift Asking first is a different scenario though isn't it. Mr Fitty sounds nice! Glad you are having fun with him
Hopefully Mr Animal was being genuine.

Thank you for that info NellyTheCake I've actually not been sent any since I first joined OLD, so I guess I've been lucky!

I’ve been very lucky to never receive a dick pic.
I’ve had a bare arse and several where they’re in bath or laying on bed other their bits barely covered - that’s the test to see if you want to see any more but I always decline.

Suppose I don’t get the point, even in a relationship. I’m not sending nudes and don’t want to see yours unless we’re together in the flesh so to speak.

I think I've been relatively lucky in that I've only ever received one dick pic in 4 years of doing OLD.

@NervesOfCotton hope you're doing ok.

As for me - matched with another out of towner from up north yesterday who assures me he's been down here 18 months and only goes back to see the kids but I'm afraid I'm not sure I believe that again so will probably just wish him all the best and unmatch.

I'm off out into wild again later anyway with night out in city so will be keeping eyes peeled and will try and remember to actually offer my number this time if I find a potential 😄

I have date 2 with Mr NotMyType this eve.
Date 1 was a drink in a quiet pub, my suggestion.
Date 2 is in a trendy bar/club, his suggestion. It's somewhere he knows well, which surprised me as he didn't seem like someone who would go there.

So now I'm panicking about what to wear so I don't look like a middle aged frump 🤣