Dating Thread 243

[VenturingOut80]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@NervesOfCotton
thats just daft, the average female height in the UK is about 5’3 , what would be the point of having such a high limit, unless the guy lives in a weird house that only has really high shelves or something 🤷‍♂️

NoDatingFor0ldMen Maybe he's the BFG

I’m 5’7 and a guy once said to me (OLD chat) aww bless you you’re a right short arse - really? I’m taller than half the men who message me lol

I don't understand this height nonsense in adults. Teens early 20s maybe. I am tall my ex was 5'6", I have wide shoulders. Ex was skinny and lightly built before reaching 40.
He loved walking me into a party or somewhere special with me in heels. He explained it was like declaring "look at us, see what I won".
He still is a smooth talking bastard.

I've never said anyone was too short to their face but as I'm 6'3" I have used the filters online to cut out those under 5'6"! (I do have a real lust for tall women)
I realise I've probably removed some really lovely people, but that's my own issue to deal with?
I have many female friends much shorter but perhaps the fact they are shorter means they don't see me as a predatory male?

Absolutely agree. I would never be so rude to tell a guy he’s too short for me but anyone under about 5’10 isn’t for me.
Physically I’m attracted to tall broad shoulder types - and I’ll always go for a bit of a dad bod over a toned gym bunny.

We all have our preferences on what attracts us and that’s not for others to judge.

I’m a tall broad gym bunny so I’m off your list. Funny how we all have calculations that we fancy. I’m attracted to super slim, tall gym toned women.

My mate goes for substantial bottoms and I don’t. It’s a bit of a game finding what you like

Wessexguy Haha I have a very substantial bottom, is your mate single?

SamW Exactly. We shouldn't try to make others feel bad for their preferences.

I nearly had a date lined up but I've changed my mind. He's just very 'I don't do anything but I might if I had a partner'.

I know we can all get a bit like that but there's just nothing much to say if his only hobby is TV & he doesn't even talk with interest about doing anything else if he did have a a partner.

NervesOfCotton
"I don't do anything but I might if I had a partner", I've come across so many men like that!
They usually have nothing interesting to say other than 'wow, you do so much'

Wessexguy
I'm 5'7, sporty but find it impossible to match with tall, sporty men, who would be my ideal.
I seem to only attract 'can't get my arse off the sofa' type men.
But I wouldn't specify this in my profile.

I thought I've give Bumble speed dating a go this evening. Put up a profile yesterday. Got 3 matches straightaway.
Zero replies so far.
Let's hope speed dating is more lively.

How old are you and what age are you aiming for?

NellyTheCake I told him that literally everything that he 'Used' to do, are all my interests now, & would he like to get back into them? 'Maybe'. Was the answer.

It was just one of those cases of he lives nearby & isn't on about sex so why not? but then, actually, no, I'm not that desperate to meet somebody. They have to have a little 'something' about them

I hope speed dating goes well for you
I'll give it a go if I can, always clashes with my kids bedtime.

@Wessexguy

Ive got an hourglass figure with a definite bottom so probably would get glances from your mate 🤣

@NervesOfCotton

I’ve spoken to men before who literally only leave the house to go to work and seem bemused that I’m always out. I’ve had comments ‘oh you’re obviously too busy for a relationship’ - no I’ve got a nice social life but that’s because I’m single and I’d rather be out and about than sitting at home every weekend. Of course if I meet someone my priorities will change - though I will still see my friends as well.

I tried bumble. Loads of silent matches. It’s frustrating that men cannot open the conversation And then matches just match and say nothing.

my biggest frustration is a match who matches then just disappears straight away. We can all see a match and it takes two seconds to say “hello” when you get the “you matched” on a swipe.

anyone that doesn’t talK in that scenario
is an unmatch from me. It’s just rude.

I’m 45. Looking from my age to 38 and back.

Wessexguy Yeah I've sometimes had a list of 'Matches' & they just run out of time because the men don't chat. I have swiped right by mistake a few times, when I first joined up, but if those match then I instantly unmatch, which might seem mean but it's how I do it now, I've had too many times with abuse/insults being hurled at me me for a polite 'Thank you but I'm not interested' on the other site.

SamW That seemed to be this guy. I don't 'Do' much at the moment without my kids but I'm itching to 'Get back out there' & have a list of stuff that I want to do, & that's not the same as being happy watching TV every night. Like they are happy with.
I watch TV most nights as I'm home with my kids, but I can't wait to break free

@Wessexguy Why aren't you going equally as many years older? If you are going that much younger.

@Wessexguy

I never say hello as soon as I match. I’d rather wait a bit until I’ve had time to put a proper message together. I hate the one word messages - I don’t see it as rude at all not to instantly respond to a match. I would rather get a decent response in a few hours than a ‘hello’ straight away.

This thread is really interesting to show how differently we all see things and how we all approach OLD.

Anyone who is on Bumble - are you totally bemused by the Best Bees? I get these daily and 99% of them are totally outside my criteria for a match. They’re about 100 miles away, too short, old old/young. Not sure how the algorithms are working

SamW Some of mine have been nearby but yeah, some of them are miles away & I'm not sure what we are supposed to have in common.

Mine don't seem to be working properly though, I used to click on the 'diamond' & they were there, but now it just pops up randomly on people's profiles 'This is one of your best bees'. But if I click on the diamond, it says there are none!

Complicated stuff

I'd say because men generally like younger women. Mid 40s and you're on the shelf!

My sister is a year older than me. Any older than that puts me into sister territory and it doesn’t do it for me.

For me a match is like a glance across a crowded room. It’s the initial interest. If you let this wane for 24 hours, for me it demonstrates a lack of interest.

if I really like someone and I get a sense they like me (ie a match), I like to spark up the chat instantly as we’re both in the “I’m interested” zone.

Wessexguy I've never heard that view before!

I'm 41, my age range is 38-48
But I'll go slightly higher or lower if everything else is perfect

Men definitely like their women to be younger. When I was on Match you could see how many men, mid 50s, would specify women 35-45. And some specified height and weight

@SamW98 I got a Best Bee this morning that was 100 miles away!!! Prior to that, they were all local-ish, and 50% of them I liked.