Dating Thread 243

[VenturingOut80]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Well I’m taking this very personally 🤣.

I think you might have seen a little glimpse into my life there actually.

I’ve done the speed dating on bumble but it seems to be the same blokes every time.

I’ve spoken to Steve from Kent about a dozen times now 🤣

😂 Steve from Kent

Think I've chatted to Steve from Kent as well 🤣
And I don't live in Kent.
Bumble speed dating is fun if you're in the right frame of mind. Good for practicing a bit of banter.
But very frustrating as matches are never local.

@GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife , A glimpse of your life? Actually a long look at my own.
That was a day!!! A meeting with Ex today. I had a nice time with Ms Newfriend on Sunday and we are meeting on Saturday. So 3 days for her to back out I think.
My brain hurts, (I have put the cork back in the bottle)

Oh I've found they are nearby! I'm generally pleased with the location & find it lots of fun!

Tonight it was... They were smokers when my filter is non-smokers, they were after sex, they couldn't string a sentence together, took 2 mins just to say 'Hi', they only had one 3 hour window a week free to meet up, they were too young, they had practically mapped out our future including meeting my kids on the first date...

GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife You get 3 mins to chat to one without seeing pic/reading profile, then at the end you can see profile & decide weather or not to carry on chatting.

Reading with interest after last man I've dated has shown his colours. Late 40s and just had enough of it but realise that I'm expecting too much maybe when I need to invest more into me. Hard when you're struggling though. And people I know just not interested in spending tiem...

Thank you for another thought provoking post.

When my marriage ended I do indeed agree that you suddenly realise how few friends you have - we'd spent 20 years raising kids and that absorbs a lot of time.

Both of our sets of friends were really supportive (there wasn't much crossover and where there was it was fine).

The difference I noticed (and I live in inner London ) is that because my friends had been built up through work we were scattered in all directions whereas my ex had a very solid set through school. Her's were much more local than me so easier to do casual meets.

We're amicable and in fairly close contact and I think in the period since she's been better at developing new friendships than me.

@Janinejones Thank you for writing this xx

@Janinejones great point about expanding social circles. I did that though I've ended up the single friend who sees couple friends when the woman wants a night out. Most of the couples I now know don't do anything socially. I'm not sure how to do more!

Catching up…

Good point @Janinejones - it all takes time rebuilding you and growing new friendships!

Virtual speed dating sounds interesting @NervesOfCotton

I has date 2 with Mr Beer - it was lovely and a nice kiss. The food not so much!! He is so easy to talk too and no awkwardness at all. He explained he is cautious with dating and has had to develop a thick skin as it can be really hard - we have all had to do this, haven’t we?!

Such a different experience to Mr Music.

We have planned date 3 for next week.

Mr football cancelled for today as he said he realised he didn’t have time to date - too much going on personally for him.

Thinking about cancelling date next week with Mr Doctor…

May need to pay for a membership here just to edit my early morning typos!

LittleFloatingGhost It's loads of fun (usually!) I really enjoy it & have had dates from it.

Mr Beer Sounds lovely still, I'm glad you had a nice time, I'm really happy for you.
What have you got planned for date 3?

It always makes me laugh when men say how they've had to develop a thick skin, like it's just something that men have to do!

Previous date, told me that 'Women barely swipe Right at all, it's so easy for them' I answered that with 'Do you reach the daily limit all the time then?' (On free Bumble there's a limit) he looks at me genuinely not knowing what I'm talking about.

I said 'Don't believe any crap you hear, 'some' women may hardly swipe Right but 'some' other women, like me, swipe on any they are interested in, & hit the daily limit regularly, & obviously swipe a lot more than you if you've never reached it!' Cue groveling apologies.

Re building a circle of friends - that’s exactly what I’ve spent the last few years doing.
Lockdown was actually really good for me in that respect - though dreadful in others - a couple of us created an all female FB group to chat, support each other, post funny and sometimes naughty jokes and memes. It grew very quickly and so many women thanked us for helping them smile in those dark days

Once things started opening up and the ‘sitting down sessions’ started up in a few local bars, I put open invites out if anyone wanted to be in my bubble of 6 and went from there.

I made a couple of good friends through that and once we started going out again, got chatting to others and it’s gradually built up.

I’ve been away on 4 holidays on last 13 months with 3 different friends. I do a couple of music weekends a year sharing with great ladies and get chatting to others while I’m there.

So my social circle is full which has meant that although meeting a man would be nice, it’s not essential as I have so much else going on.

Previous date, told me that 'Women barely swipe Right at all, it's so easy for them' I answered that with 'Do you reach the daily limit all the time then?' (On free Bumble there's a limit) he looks at me genuinely not knowing what I'm talking about.

have to admit I used think this as well, (rightly or wrongly) women just put there pictures up and wait for the message to come pouring in & pick the person they fancy, obviously that’s not true.

For men we put our pics up and the (generally) nothing happens, no messages , hence your date thinking it’s easier for women, also the reason lots of men send lots of messages ( rightly or wrongly), as most (not all), get very few likes/ matches etc

I’m a guy and have had the opposite. Hundreds of likes and matches but it all ends the same. Silence, lies, old photos, married, affairs, half truths and those just using you for a night out.

I’ve come off all apps and I’m done for good. App dating works for the 0.005% who get lucky. Funny that it’s designed with the same tech as gambling to keep you hooked.

I’m very fit, good career, own house etc and no baggage. Got lots of friends and enjoy life but it’s impossible these days to meet a significant other.

wessexguy Mine absolutely goes in stages, loads of likes/messages & then nothing for ages, nobody matches me back... But yes it's hard not to get down heartened isn't it when they all end the same way!

NoDatingFor0ldMen We all wish it was that easy don't we

@Wessexguy you certainly had a different experience than me !
but agree with most of your comments, old pics & silence, especially on the free apps, I think those are just full of bored housewife’s look for an escape from reality for a while.
took me a while to realise the OLD wasn’t going to work for me, but I’m happy enough now

I think it’s cyclical, bit like crop rotation ( mental note, don’t ever mention crop rotation in an opening line)

People sign up, get disappointed then give up, new people sign up and you get your fresh crop of likes & messages etc

NoDatingFor0ldMen Crop rotation

On the free one I'm on, generally, there's a huge amount of new men suddenly appear on Thursday & they are gone by the following Tuesday (Obviously looking for weekend fun) but I've not really worked it out on Bumble yet, it just seems random.

One of the men last night told me he gives each date 15 mins for a quick coffee & then he leaves. I asked if he takes a stopwatch along & he said he actually does

15 minutes - hardly worth leaving the house for 🤣

Maybe that’s where I’m going wrong. My most recent first date lasted 6 hours.

Heyyy! I'm new to this thread and hoping I can join! I've just dipped my toe into the world of online dating (Bumble), been on a first date yesterday, and think I've been ghosted?!!! So, not a great start at all!
Started speaking last Thurs, moved to WhatsApp Sunday, went for coffee yesterday morning, was a bit of WhatsApp messaging after that but he seemed keen and now he's just not responding!!!!

@bethatgirl

Welcome. Hard as it is please don’t take it too personally as we’ve all had similar experiences.
Just think he was wrong one and you didn’t waste your time.

Hi All, just an update on my OLD I have chatting with a lovely guy for two weeks now and I’m starting to like him we will be meeting in person this weekend, just not putting any explanation as not met in person yet. He seem really keen and got his life together so some hope. Just hoping chemistry will be there in person as for feel attracted to his personality.

• not explanation but expectations