Dating Thread 243

[VenturingOut80]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@SamW98

It's so great to hear you're in a good place, don't be surprised if you meet someone organically soon

Within a month of coming off all the apps, after just having had enough of badly behaved men, accepting crumbs of communication, low quality dates etc, when i just wasn't looking, I did.

And because of all of the crap I had been through, I just had low expectations of progress and he has been just lovely and consistent from day 1!

Thanks @NervesOfCotton , Initially I was thinking that I had chosen well.
But since you mention it we did look good together.

Think OLD can make us feel so disillusioned and jaded.

Being away with friends and just chatting to normal people about normal stuff is so refreshing. Talking to random men at the bar with no pressure or expectations and just laughing and joking with no BS was a breath of fresh air.

A couple of half decent ones as well - definitely my type lol. So yes think it’s more for me to just do my thing and if it happens then it happens.

@SamW98
Great update. You sound very positive and happy with yourself.
Having some real life interactions and chats highlights, I think, how artificial it can be on the apps.

I'm sort of doing the same as you. Not on the apps atm but I can't swear I won't try them again.
I work alone & live alone. Plus all my friends are in relationships. Going away for a weekend with friends or even a night out with them, never happens any more. Which makes meeting someone in real life almost impossible..

But for now, I'm happy doing my own thing.

@SamW98 I'm toying with idea of just giving up with apps for good too. I don't really get anywhere with them and I do meet people when out so maybe should wait for one of those to suit 🤷‍♀️

I think my concerns about Mr North were correct and having flagged them before even meeting he was aware that I was wise to it so despite being very vocal about wanting to see me again on date I have been unread since Saturday afternoon, with him virtually online all weekend, and heard no further. So this evening I will unmatch and delete and write it off as just a good night out.

@Janinejones You must have done very well with the clothes to take on the Range Rover & horses set on their home turf.
Sounds as if you have a solid date for the weekend.
Are you both already Bi or is this first for GF. Don't answer if too personal?

There are a lot of criminals using OLD. I know this because they are looking for their partner in crime, and this is written in their profile 🤫

And a lot of enthusiastic people who are fitness, ang gym enthusiast

That said, totally agree on this artificial app setting, good on all of you deciding to spent more time in the real world or take a break

@JaneyClicks I have been preferring women since my divorce, Not had a man for 4 years now. But I would not want to say 'never again' .

New GF has very little experience so it will be a learning for her if she wants to continue with me. I am assuming nothing; the weekend might be a long way off.
I have chatted to other women in 40s after a break up, it is not rare to have these feelings
How about you Janey? PM me if you want to chat about being Bi Curious. I'm always willing to listen.

cassiatwenty There are, you'd think they'd be more careful, splashing that info all over the internet!

Today's offering 'Why are you so beautiful?' & when I didn't answer 'Why are you so ugly in your refusal to answer?'

Article in Times2 today, Jo Elvin, a journo, contrasts meeting IRL to OLD. She did OK .IRL

IRL is tougher when you get older - not as many social events with single people.

Also I think a lot of people my age even if they are single have quite fixed lifestyles - whether with friends or solo. It's not that I'm discontent with my lifestyle at present but would like to find someone.

@ManAboutTown , by mentioning the article I was not implying that it was less than easy.
The article seems to continue from the statements upthread from people having a break from OLD.
(F + F) A woman seeking a woman, I see many obstacles.

Age does seem to be a huge factor.

I have a very active social life. I’m out at least every other weekend, I go on holiday 3-4 times a year and also go for several weekends away.
Im very chatty friendly and outgoing. Yet other than men I already know (most in relationships) I get almost no male attention. I literally don’t remember the last time a man approached me.

I know the world is very different but when i was last single in the early 90’s I was pretty much beating them off with a stick I had so much attention.

Edited to add this isn’t unique to me. All of my single female friends who are attractive confident solvent well presented friendly and sociable have been single for several years.

I haven't read the Times article (assume it's behind a paywall), but how did they meet people in real life?
Apart from hanging round the aisles in tesco, I'm not sure how I would find someone.
I've tried looking on meetup but unless I want to join a book group or knitting group, it appears I'm too old for the social groups in my area - 20s, 30s and 40s only.

The journo met him first at a friends house, her 'date' did not show. Later they happened to meet at a pubquiz. got chatting. A few weeks later they met at a party. Then clicked.
It is all luck! Isn't it? Single friends of mine have a good life at quizzes. Meet others, they are in a league. No, I didn't know about leagues either.

Thanks @Janinejones I was hoping the journalist had tried lots of different ways to meet in real life. But as you say, it was just luck & matchmaking by friends.

Pub quizzes? Never thought of that. Might investigate that idea.

I think this is very true, at my age I almost never meet single women in my age category, my friends are men, colleagues are men, hobbies are male, it’s a regular sausage fest.

I have met one woman in the wild this year, in a hotel bar while on holiday, and she struck up a conversation with me, on OLD I would have probably swiped past her, but we chatted away for hours

I literally don’t remember the last time a man approached me.

^^ I would pretty much never approach a single woman these days & I think most of 50 something friends would be extremely careful about that as well TBH.

I get where you are coming from - IRL for me is an issue and even tougher for women looking for women or men looking for men I should imagine

You don't fancy a date or introducing me to one of your friends😀

On a more serious note I'm a bit similar to you - I have a good job, well read, well travelled, wide range of interests and can hold my own in most conversations.

However I meet few single women in social settings - mostly its partners of my friends.

Was thinking of trying to join some kind of social or dining club to meet a new crowd

@NellyTheCake Hanging around the isles of Tesco, that seems something worth trying preferable to OLD

I've noticed a lot of people are interested in pub quizzes too in my area

Christ the speed dating tonight! All a bunch of weirdos. One left to chat with, seemed really nice, kind, respectful. He was a welder so I asked, 'If we meet up & get along, would you be able to make me a charm for a bracelet? I'd pay of course!' Things went downhill instantly. My ending message was 'I'm not going to have sex with you for a bracelet'.

Reported. I feel quite upset about that. It's worse when they start off nice, then suddenly turn to sex, I feel like it catches me off my guard or something. Lulls me into a false sense of security.

@NervesOfCotton I swear I was just thinking that, when they start nice and decent and then they gradually steer convo sexually, they make it our fault, as if they are unable to control themselves.

And then the whole experience feels cheapened. A joke is a joke, not an invitation for whatever

And yes that false sense of security makes it even worse but I've had that so don't think it's anything you've done 🌻

Thank you cassiatwenty. I know it's not me really, there were others on the Speed dating just instantly after sex & those ones don't bother me.

That's exactly it, in the time it took me to report to Bumble, he'd sent me 2 follow up messages saying simply 'Lol' &

It's not funny for the women on the other end of the messages, genuinely trying to make a connection.

Grrr. Rant over

This is not in reply to anyone specific.
After a divorce or similar many of us find that we don't know many people. We need to 'freshen up' our circle of 'friends'.
We, especially women, need more women friends at different levels. From best friends who develop slowly, friends and colleagues from work or maybe they are regular customers, to the lady in the brown coat we see on the bus most mornings.
We need to build a new circle and that won't happen watching 'Strictly' We need to get out more. Perhaps taking the DC to a new hobby is a way. Meet new families.
I know it ain't easy. Yes I know.

Oh wait - you were speed dating on Bumble? How does that work?