Dating Thread 243

[VenturingOut80]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Baby steps is right @cassiatwenty. Thank you for your kind words.

@Janinejones .
Will you settle for Platonic with statelylady if she won't sleep with you? Or is it all or nothing?

@JaneyClicks A) I am a little surprised by the starkness of your question.
B) I probably brought it on myself. Having thought about it for a while.
I would like to be friends with her.
C) I have not known her long.
It would not be nice for me to make sexual activity a condition of our friendship.

LittleFloatingGhost I hope it's still going well with all of your men

marplemead Talk to him, you never know. I have the same insecurities myself about the 'Younger' ones too though!

LuckyLinda I hope things become a little easier for you over the next few days.

Still tumble weed for me on both of mine!
I couldn't sleep last night & had a random middle of the night chat on Bumble (but obviously he was only after one thing!) We were very nearby & I was actually a little bit tempted. I think having the dates with the 'Far too touchy' one the other week, has made me realise that I would actually like some kind of physical contact with another man at some point, having waited 6 years already!

@NervesOfCotton
I know what you mean about that awakening of physical contact!

After my brief but very passionate fling around new year I felt that flutter of life back.
Thankfully MrsW has now filled that void for me and she says the same for her 💖
I know OLD can be a minefield of utter desperation sometimes & perhaps I've been lucky but we honestly couldn't be happier now.

The meeting of friends & family is still taking place slowly, but both sides seem to genuinely think we are good for each other!

Please be kind to yourself and know your worth 😊

Aww thank you WtP That's a kind post, & it's always nice to hear of a 'still happy' dating story

Yes, I'm going to stay off Bumble in the middle of the night going forwards as I might make a stupid decision

Good for you, having a set of rules for OLD is the best thing. Otherwise we all can make silly decisions in the middle of the night!

I know how easy it is to get carried away with those feelings of "Oh this might be the one" only for it to all come crashing down!
Trust me although I know there are some/lots of right knobs out there looking for an easy leg over. Some of us men are just as vulnerable to the harsh reality of OLD & get hurt just the same!

Haha, WtP That was me when I first joined up, I was convinced I'd find 'The one' within the first few months... Foolish & naive as I was

@NervesOfCotton lol. Slowly whittling it down. Think by Thursday it’ll be down to two. I had a message from Mr Driver who I met this week apologising for lying about his height (before I sent the “it’s been nice but no chemistry” message). He also lied about vaping, as that’s a no for me too.

But, this dating lark is costing me a small fortune, with babysitters and taxis! Not do bad in the day, but evening ones… £50 min before I even get there!

Love your note to self “stay off bumble” as could result in a midnight fumble 😂😂

LittleFloatingGhost There's only 2 nights out of 14 when I'm child free anyway so it won't be such an issue...

OUCH! To those babysitter costs though! Poor you. I'm glad it's going well over-all.
It's a shame about Mr Driver, I wonder why they lie? I don't understand the thinking behind lying about something like height, at all.

I got told I was 'Too short' by one the other day, he was 6'5. I thought 'Fair enough, I'd never be so blunt to just say that to a man though, even if I thought it!'

I try to keep all late night Internet activity to 'Read Only'.
There is a quote, "He had dined well but not wisely".
This afternoon is forecast to be colder but dry, so I am hoping Ms NewFriend will come for a walk after lunch.

Anyone using POF atm?
Last time I used it, earlier this year, I could put certain filters on who could message me. E.g age, has a photo, within UK.

This option seems to have disappeared. I've had to hide my profile because it was visible to all ages, all gender, anywhere in the world.

I complained to POF but they just said tough, that feature isn't available in your area. Which I know isn't true because I've tried to look at some profiles and get the message 'sorry this person is looking for someone different'

Even if I paid, I still couldn't filter messages.

I don't understand the thinking behind lying about something like height, at all.

the thinking is that the woman might like you irrespective of your height.
clothes you can change, weight can be lost, hair cut you can change, teeth can be changed ( kinda), but height is fixed.

I’m 6ft, which is not really all that tall these days, but I remember looking at profile after profile of women who were generally under 5ft 6 all looking men 6ft and over, didn’t really seem to make much sense to me, their perfect partner might have been 5ft 8 but that person would have been overlooked due to a physical attribute that cannot be changed 🤷🏼

Janinejones Middle of the night chats have their place. My ex left when my baby was tiny & I had a 3 year old who didn't sleep through, I have fond memories of many middle of the night chats on here & other sites

NellyTheCake Oh, that sounds annoying!

@NervesOfCotton Yes there are times when enjoyable. My problem is that after the break-up I was drinking. After the DC in bed consolation from the red wine.
Past that now though, well nearly, I no longer keep it a secret, that helps me manage the quantity.

NoDatingFor0ldMen They specify on their profiles that they want over 6 foot? Each to their own, it just seems really mean!
The man who told me I was too short did so on the Speed dating. It was his first question, 'How tall are you?'

I see what you mean, by the way. Height shouldn't matter. It's the lying about it that bothers me.

Janinejones Aah I see. My crutch (as well as the late night chats) was comfort food... Havn't quite kicked that habit yet!

I hope you get your walk later

NoDatingFor0ldMen
I find it annoying to turn up for a date, expecting to see someone taller and find I'm looking over the top of their head.
It immediately gets the date off to a bad start. But I wouldn't specify on my profile that I only wanted tall men.

I'm 5'7 and I've been 'rejected' numerous times for not being petit and dainty

NervesOfCotton
I'm having an email argument with POF because their faqs state that I can choose who makes first contact.
But there isn't anyone I would like to message anyway, so I'll probably just delete it.

Thanks Nerves. . . I will update. I'm feeling a bit keyed up.
Thinking about wat to wear. Smart Casual Sunday lunch at an almost 'Gastro Pub'.

I used to see all sorts really, some might say “tall men”, some might say “taller” or “taller than me” and some often specified a height, all kinds of stuff really.

but, I can see why some men would lie about their height, if you were a shorter than average man, I can see how you easily be overlooked on OLD ( no pun intended)

NellyTheCake My friend is 5'9 & she's had the same. Men saying they want somebody 'Of a more feminine height' (WTF)
Also men turning up to the date, claiming to be 6 foot but are shorter than her.

There's definitely something amiss with you POF isn't there. I havn't used it but know several who have.

Janinejones I love choosing what to wear for a date!
Smart-casual is my go-to for a daytime date. I always wear dresses so it's 'Nicer than a school-run dress' & nice ankle boots, for me in this kind of weather!

@NellyTheCake yes, I fully agree, I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, just expressing why some men may well do this, if the guy you said you could see over put his true height - would you have even considered him ?

Fwiw teacher was 6ft 2, so she was looking over my head and I’m 6ft !

NervesofCotton Yes to dresses, I even wear them WFH, but I am worried about trying too hard. Most of the others in the pub will be in jeans, Prob very expensive.
I think it will be tweed skirt, calf length, knitted roll neck. Ankle boots, maroon ribbed tights. (Actually they are stockings)

Janinejones

I’ve spent weeks not knowing your gender
hence never replied as didn’t want to get it wrong 😂
now I see !

My go to date outfit is skinny jeans /trousers and a top that reveals cleavage

it’s a trusted formula that has worked for 3 decades