Dating Thread 243

[VenturingOut80]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@LuckyLinda3 l wouldn't just delete him, you will be left with no answers. I agree with @Myfabby, he is probably ashamed and embarrassed by what happened. But that doesn't excuse him not answering your calls/ texts. You need a conversation about this as well as one about him physically fighting with his son.

Thanks for your replies @Janinejones ,@Myfabby and @Seaoftroubles. Yes I definitely would prefer to at least have a conversation regardless of how it goes and if I'm being honest part of me would have liked for him to make contact but as you have mentioned I imagine he is ashamed so does it fall to me now to make contact again. There is a hesitation in me because of what happened and the fact that I did ring on Sunday.

@LuckyLinda3 You shouldn't have to be the one to contact him, of course he should have replied to your call. However l think a text to check in on him is OK. Hopefully he will respond and you can talk it through and make a decision.

Don't let pride get in the way, Maybe it should be him to make the first move.
You are both over 40 i think, and we live for more equal divisions.

It's not about pride. She's rang him. It's in his hands now.

Hence the problem for Linda

eveyone is right and they need to talk
he needs to get over himself and communicate

but when people cave and ignore it puts the other person in such a vulnerable position

will they ignore me again ?
am I being pushy ?
etc

Linda it’s interesting you are so used to
this , that deleting him is a viable option

@Thisisworsethananticpated communicating is key so I'm probably just fed up of the gaps but to be fair he could be forgiven for thinking I ended things with how I left on Saturday nght because I told him I couldn't handle or be part of that kind of behaviour.
He has just messaged to ask how I am, say he is beyond embarrassed and tell me he has made up with his son.

Good !!!
he’s somewhat redeemed 😁

Oh goodness LuckyLinda I've just caught up. Poor you, this must be so difficult. (+ he's a bit of an idiot for doing that isn't he!)

I don't think I have any further advice to add but just wanted to say we are all behind you, whatever happens next

Aw @NervesOfCotton thank you so much. I really appreciate every single comment. We exchanged a few messages earlier but no mention of us or meeting as yet.
I'm still unsure how I feel about the whole episode but glad for them that they have made up.

After a few days on Ourtime I think I’m at stage of saying I can’t do this anymore. I feel like I’ve seen about a million men, had a thousand painful chats and I’ve only met one man I actually liked and we know how that ended up!!

Im attractive, articulate, witty, work hard, always look well presented and yet all I attract is sex starved grandads.

@LuckyLinda3 l'm so glad he finally contacted you so at least you can talk things through with him. Take your time to decide if you want to continue in the relationship. Wishing you all the best in whatever decision you reach.

SamW98

freeze profiles for a bit
thats literally all you can do right now

and have a pause
there is much joy other than OLD

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I know I’m just venting after finally paying for a subscription and realising it’s just as dire as the free ones and pretty much the same blokes.

Ive just been on holiday and I’m away this weekend so plenty going on in my life it’s just hard sometimes not to think ‘is it me?’ when it’s the same nonsense over and over again.

@SamW98 It's not you, OLD really takes a toll on people, life without it just feels so restful and easier. Allow yourself to take a break if it's not fun anymore as the rules say

@SamW98 it's definitely not you. I'm glad you have a busy life and other things to enjoy. OLD can be soul destroying but there are good people out there.

@SamW98
I feel exactly the same.
I also think that while having a break is a good idea, all that happens is you come back, full of enthusiasm and find the same faces & the same dull chats.

I think you're around the same age as me, mid 50s. And I was chatting this through with a friend recently. We both felt that a l lot men around our age have come out of a ltr and a) don't know how to do dating, b) have very little in their lives so have little to talk about.
The ones that have their shit together have a wide choice of women and are going for younger.

This is a huge generalisation, before the men on here get offended. But that's my experience of the last 7yrs of OLD.
It's probably true the other way round as well.

I've just cancelled my tinder subscription. I'm taking my chances in the real world now. OLD hasn't worked for me.

Thank you all - @NellyTheCake that’s exactly what’s happened. I’ve been away to Greece come back feeling chilled refreshed and raring to go then within about an hour going back on OLD I’m getting the same pensioners messaging me and men who think ‘you’ve got cracking tits sexy’ cause s an acceptable way to open communication. I have to laugh as it’s so predictable and pathetic.

I think there’s a lot of truth in that men our age don’t know how to date after a long relationship. I m not sure I do either but I’ve taken time out got comfortable with being single and I’m open to trying again. Think a lot of men - and maybe women too - are scared of being on their own so are not having breathing space after their divorce to love themselves.

As I’ve said previously and think others experience is similar, they either want a replacement wife to wipe their arse or they want no strings sex - there’re very little middle ground.

@LuckyLinda3 just caught up with your situation. Can't really add to what's been said but I woukd say after 3 years together there is no need to rush into a decision - take your time, talk, decide what's best for you

they either want a replacement wife to wipe their arse or they want no strings sex - there’re very little middle ground.

That sums up my experience. I'm fed up of men saying 'how do you do so much'.
Well that's because I get off my arse & got out & do things.
I'd love to find someone to share experiences with me but until I do, I'm not going to sit at home being bored.

LuckyLinda You are very welcome
I'm glad you have at least heard from him.

SamW & NellyTheCake It's absolutely dire isn't it. It's sooo hard to get any decent chats going in the first place.

I think that is pretty true actually, I know married guys who do nothing but pub & football and I do wonder what would happen if they split with their wives & how would they cope ( I think one of the wives is “playing away from home “, as they say in football parlance, so I might find out sooner than anticipated..)

the comment about women is probably less true, women seem to have their shit together more in general, but saying that, I had a couple of dates a few years back with a woman not long out of a LTR and she was still expecting me to drive everywhere and pay for everything - I think she was in for abit of a shock in her dating experiences

in other news the Teacher keeps contacting me, mostly for trivial things, but she keeps on doing it, ?? So could be some interest in that…

The ones that have their shit together have a wide choice of women and are going for younger.

I’m 100% sure I agree with this, I like to think I have my shit together, but I still wouldn’t say you get a “wide choice”, there are only going to be so many people who float your boat and vice versa.

I’m not 100% sure…

NoDatingFor0ldMen

is she now 🤔
you also said she said she missed you

Remind me why this ended ?
and what are her reasons for texting 💬