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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think she's being scammed..

129 replies

tigereyes10 · 25/09/2023 15:49

Hi, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post so feel free to report/have it moved. I'm really worried about a colleague..a couple of months ago she told me she'd been talking to a man online and was very excited by it, then another day she confided in me that he was famous but couldn't say who...then another day she told me it was Jeremy Kyle & they'd met via Facebook. This woman is in her 50s, never had a relationship, is fairly socially awkward & I know she's lonely, I don't want to call her vulnerable but she probably is - the perfect recipe for a scammer! I told her at the time to be careful, it probably wasn't him, never send money etc but she wouldn't have it and said it was definitely him. Then she told a couple of other people and it ended up getting spread around work..some people finding it funny, some finding it worrying. But it died down & she told me he'd gone to prison and they weren't talking anymore. Fast forward to last week, she told me they were still talking..he's promising to come to her house when he gets out of prison, wants to send her handbags etc etc...I'm trying not to be mean to her but I keep reminding her that there's a very high chance (100%!!) That it's not him, it would be in the media if JK was locked up. But she's really adamant it's him, she's totally brainwashed by the idea and nothing I say is changing her mind. I've tried to stay out of it because if it makes her happy talking to someone online then who am I to get involved. However, today she's told me that she's going to take out a £30,000 loan to bail him out of prison, and she's going to be repaying £75 a month for years...but in her eyes she's doing the right thing and she's helping him. She won't listen when I tell her not to send money or get into debt for a man she's never met regardless of the fact it's definitely a scammer. How can I help her? I'm honestly tempted to call 101 and ask for their advice because I can't let her send him that money! X

OP posts:
tigereyes10 · 25/09/2023 15:50

Sorry for not using paragraphs - it doesn't let me when using the app!

OP posts:
Iwillpassthanks · 25/09/2023 15:51

I wonder whether she’s telling you porkies?

Either way… nothing you can do except says he’s been utterly reckless with her money

RatherBeRiding · 25/09/2023 15:51

In your shoes I would definitely approach the police.

Iwillpassthanks · 25/09/2023 15:52

Is bail actually even being offered?

PinkFootstool · 25/09/2023 15:53

Please contact the police as a concern for her welfare. If this is happening to her, she is indeed being scammed and they can talk to her and try to protect her.

Unfortunately though, they cannot stop her from sending money if she wants.... But they can try to get her to realise!

tigereyes10 · 25/09/2023 15:56

Surely there's a random man somewhere that's scamming women...would they even try and track down who it was? Everyone at work just rolls their eyes and finds it slightly humourous...but there's no way I can do nothing! She's definitely not telling lies, you can see it in her eyes how excited and loved up she is! She'd do anything he asked of her. When I said 'how do you even know it's him though? Have you video called?" She just says "because I asked him and he promised!" That's her level of belief in him! X

OP posts:
HoraceTheLlama · 25/09/2023 15:57

squeaver · 25/09/2023 15:53

Well, Jeremy Kyle is on Talk TV every day at 7pm so how on earth can he be in prison?? https://watch.talk.tv/live/1153

Maybe, gently, point that out to her, to start with?

The scammer will have likely already explained that away to her somehow

tigereyes10 · 25/09/2023 15:57

squeaver · 25/09/2023 15:53

Well, Jeremy Kyle is on Talk TV every day at 7pm so how on earth can he be in prison?? https://watch.talk.tv/live/1153

Maybe, gently, point that out to her, to start with?

I don't watch much Tele so didn't realise he was still on screens, I will take this to her tomorrow! X

OP posts:
tigereyes10 · 25/09/2023 15:58

HoraceTheLlama · 25/09/2023 15:57

The scammer will have likely already explained that away to her somehow

And she won't ask him! I asked her how he's explained the fact he's married and she said "oh I don't ask, I don't like to interfere". I imagine she's making it very easy for him to scam her as she's just loving the attention.

OP posts:
Snittler · 25/09/2023 15:59

Bail doesn’t work like that in the UK. Can you show her some legal evidence of that? I’m sure he can try and talk around it but it isn’t like America where you pay an amount and are let out…

ShouldGoToBed · 25/09/2023 16:00

Oh that’s so sad. Yes maybe the police would talk to her. Or maybe one of those YouTubers who go after scammers could talk to her and help her catch him?

tigereyes10 · 25/09/2023 16:01

Snittler · 25/09/2023 15:59

Bail doesn’t work like that in the UK. Can you show her some legal evidence of that? I’m sure he can try and talk around it but it isn’t like America where you pay an amount and are let out…

I can try that, she's going to be so upset with me if I keep questioning it though as she just wants me to join her in her excited happy bubble. I'm leaving this job in 4 weeks and I feel like I've got to do something before I leave because chances are I won't see or hear from her again.

OP posts:
tigereyes10 · 25/09/2023 16:03

ShouldGoToBed · 25/09/2023 16:00

Oh that’s so sad. Yes maybe the police would talk to her. Or maybe one of those YouTubers who go after scammers could talk to her and help her catch him?

It is really sad, because she's so happy that he's interested in her. She's got a bedroom dedicated to Cliff Richard & absolutely loves famous people so him claiming to be JK has lured her right in. I want to be harsh with her but she's so lovely and sweet..I can tell I hurt her feelings every time I question whether it's him!

OP posts:
squeaver · 25/09/2023 16:04

You're very kind to try to help her. Could you find some articles about people who've been scammed and how they did it etc?

The awful thing with these stories is the victims so desperately want to believe it's true.

bemorebernard · 25/09/2023 16:04

Iwillpassthanks · 25/09/2023 15:52

Is bail actually even being offered?

As you know yu cannot be bailed out of English prison

Please notify the police. She is about to get scammed out of 30k and you can prevent this

Maybe she'll take it from the police that it's a scam

tigereyes10 · 25/09/2023 16:06

squeaver · 25/09/2023 16:04

You're very kind to try to help her. Could you find some articles about people who've been scammed and how they did it etc?

The awful thing with these stories is the victims so desperately want to believe it's true.

I will, if I offend her or she stops confiding in me I guess I can say I tried to help!

OP posts:
bemorebernard · 25/09/2023 16:06

The police won't trace him as of yet no
Crime has been committed

But they can potentially stop her giving him money

squeaver · 25/09/2023 16:06

This is quite interesting:
Action Fraud

Maybe you could call them and ask for advice?

therealcookiemonster · 25/09/2023 16:07

definitely call the police and also you can inform her bank. they will probably refuse the loan. banks are getting much better at dealing with scams... and 30k is just a start. if she sends him any money, then he will only use that as a way to get more. take action urgently. do you know any of her family members?

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 25/09/2023 16:07

He got married for the third time two years ago. The merest glance at Google tells you he is not in prison.

tigereyes10 · 25/09/2023 16:07

bemorebernard · 25/09/2023 16:04

As you know yu cannot be bailed out of English prison

Please notify the police. She is about to get scammed out of 30k and you can prevent this

Maybe she'll take it from the police that it's a scam

I will call them & then atleast I can say I tried everything to stop it happening. I hope they take it seriously. She probably won't talk to me again for doing it but it's worth it I think

OP posts:
Iwillpassthanks · 25/09/2023 16:08

She's definitely not telling lies, you can see it in her eyes how excited and loved up she is!

You sounds as gullible as her Op

tigereyes10 · 25/09/2023 16:09

therealcookiemonster · 25/09/2023 16:07

definitely call the police and also you can inform her bank. they will probably refuse the loan. banks are getting much better at dealing with scams... and 30k is just a start. if she sends him any money, then he will only use that as a way to get more. take action urgently. do you know any of her family members?

No, she only sees her mum & brother but they don't live in our town..have no way of getting in touch with them. She even deactivated her Facebook since talking to him, because he sent her a rude picture and it scared her..I'm worried she sent one of herself back & is scared it would somehow get on Facebook. She's not the brightest spark bless her I just want to help! X

OP posts:
fiddlesticksandotherwords · 25/09/2023 16:10

Speak to HR. Payroll will have her bank details, and although they won't be able to give you any information, if they are as concerned as you are about her welfare, then they will be able to contact her bank and tell them what's going on.

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