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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think she's being scammed..

129 replies

tigereyes10 · 25/09/2023 15:49

Hi, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post so feel free to report/have it moved. I'm really worried about a colleague..a couple of months ago she told me she'd been talking to a man online and was very excited by it, then another day she confided in me that he was famous but couldn't say who...then another day she told me it was Jeremy Kyle & they'd met via Facebook. This woman is in her 50s, never had a relationship, is fairly socially awkward & I know she's lonely, I don't want to call her vulnerable but she probably is - the perfect recipe for a scammer! I told her at the time to be careful, it probably wasn't him, never send money etc but she wouldn't have it and said it was definitely him. Then she told a couple of other people and it ended up getting spread around work..some people finding it funny, some finding it worrying. But it died down & she told me he'd gone to prison and they weren't talking anymore. Fast forward to last week, she told me they were still talking..he's promising to come to her house when he gets out of prison, wants to send her handbags etc etc...I'm trying not to be mean to her but I keep reminding her that there's a very high chance (100%!!) That it's not him, it would be in the media if JK was locked up. But she's really adamant it's him, she's totally brainwashed by the idea and nothing I say is changing her mind. I've tried to stay out of it because if it makes her happy talking to someone online then who am I to get involved. However, today she's told me that she's going to take out a £30,000 loan to bail him out of prison, and she's going to be repaying £75 a month for years...but in her eyes she's doing the right thing and she's helping him. She won't listen when I tell her not to send money or get into debt for a man she's never met regardless of the fact it's definitely a scammer. How can I help her? I'm honestly tempted to call 101 and ask for their advice because I can't let her send him that money! X

OP posts:
Original poster
tigereyes10 · 25/09/2023 16:10

Iwillpassthanks · 25/09/2023 16:08

She's definitely not telling lies, you can see it in her eyes how excited and loved up she is!

You sounds as gullible as her Op

Why am I gullible? I don't understand? I don't believe that it's him, obviously, I stated that in my original post. What I do believe though, is that she fully believes it's him and she's head over heels! People get scammed every day because they fall for it, shes fallen hard and I believe that...why does that make me gullible?

OP posts:
Iwillpassthanks · 25/09/2023 16:11

On the basis that she “looks” excited, she is “definitely” not lying

Original poster
tigereyes10 · 25/09/2023 16:13

Thanks for your replies everyone. I posted really because I didn't know who to call/tell about it to protect her. I will call 101 & see what their advice is. Then go from there regarding HR/contacting banks. Thank you! It really angers me that there's people out there that are literally preying on vulnerable people..we aren't talking a couple of hundred pound..this is 30k! She works part time in a minimum wage job, it's scary that she's going to do this for him.

OP posts:
HocasPocas · 25/09/2023 16:13

Cliff Richard shrine?

Is this a new season of Catterick?

Pumpkindoodles · 25/09/2023 16:13

There are several tv shows about scammers. Maybe tell her to watch one and see if it sounds familiar.
One of the things they always say is that they need money to be bailed out of a terrible situation.
and the people being scammed always avoid asking (what seem to everyone else to be obvious) questions.
i think you need to just be clear, not mean, when she says ‘Jeremy Kyle’ just say ‘the scammer’ any time she says he’s in jail you say ‘the scammers not in jail because it’s not real’ And so on.
you don’t need to be mean but you don’t need to buy into the illusion either. you can be factual, without emotion, it’s her choice if she continues to talk to you about it.

you can call the police but it’s unlikely they’ll do anything and they can’t stop her. You could try help her investigate if it’s real, but since she won’t accept that Jeremy Kyle is clearly not in jail, I’m not sure it would help.
talking to the scammer is perhaps preferable than talking to no one.

Original poster
tigereyes10 · 25/09/2023 16:14

Iwillpassthanks · 25/09/2023 16:11

On the basis that she “looks” excited, she is “definitely” not lying

She's shown me text messages! She is quite obviously smitten and has fallen for it...not sure why she'd lie about something that is this far fetched! She fully believes it, it's obvious

OP posts:
Iwillpassthanks · 25/09/2023 16:15

She sounds like a character in Talking Heads by Alan Bennett

Whataretheodds · 25/09/2023 16:16

Honestly I'd approach her line manager/HR and express your concerns. Yes, you're interfering in her business but potentially saving her from losing her life savings.

They may be able to contact her bank who can put a flag on her account and ask some more questions.

Iwillpassthanks · 25/09/2023 16:16

Ttold me she'd been talking to a man online and was very excited by it, then another day she confided in me that he was famous but couldn't say who...then another day she told me it was Jeremy Kyle & they'd met via Facebook.

and you honestly think this woman isn’t capable of telling porkies about this 😂

all those previous times, I am guessing you believed her just like now you do

isthismylifenow · 25/09/2023 16:16

Your title says thinks she is being scammed. She is very definately being scammed.

How he is contacting her now? Still through Facebook, or WhatsApp, Google chat maybe?

Maybe his IP address could be checked. Or the mobile number being used.

Sunshinenrain · 25/09/2023 16:17

You have to be firmer with her.
I would be honest and say some people are laughing about it and some are genuinely concerned for you.

She is very vulnerable and possibly ND, which these scammers prey on.

I work in a prison and you definitely cannot pay to get someone out of jail in this country.

I would say ask her to FaceTime him but he’ll obviously have an excuse for that.

Tell her that you’re concerned she’s being scammed and if she’s sure she’s not then ask him to arrange a prison visit and you will go with her.

You could always reach out to Jeremy Kyle and explain and ask if he’ll send her a quick video message saying that it isn’t him.

I watch the Tv show catfish and it’s scary how people are still being scammed.

It sounds as though she is a bit lonely and so perhaps you could offer to help her with online dating.

Sunshinenrain · 25/09/2023 16:19

You are not gullible OP.

You are the one that can see sense and are worried about her, instead of just laughing behind her back.

Iwillpassthanks · 25/09/2023 16:20

Sunshinenrain · 25/09/2023 16:19

You are not gullible OP.

You are the one that can see sense and are worried about her, instead of just laughing behind her back.

Did you catch all the lies that preceded the latest story?

Sundaygirl01 · 25/09/2023 16:20

I think the police would be interested. I know a vulnerable young adult who was being used by a couple for money and the man in the couple was arrested.

Sundaygirl01 · 25/09/2023 16:21

And the amount of money involved was nowhere near £30k.

Iwillpassthanks · 25/09/2023 16:22

So bizarre she names a celebrity that takes all of two seconds to google to determine she’s talking bs

she’s a liar op. A lonely fantasist. And you are falling for it

isthismylifenow · 25/09/2023 16:22

sounds as though she is a bit lonely and so perhaps you could offer to help her with online dating

There are so many scanners on old though. This is no doubt how she got taking to not Jeremy.

MargotMoon · 25/09/2023 16:26

Iwillpassthanks · 25/09/2023 16:22

So bizarre she names a celebrity that takes all of two seconds to google to determine she’s talking bs

she’s a liar op. A lonely fantasist. And you are falling for it

Your replies are deeply unhelpful. The OP actually knows her work colleague, so I think she's better placed than you are to decide if she's falling victim to a scam. She posted here for advice about how to help her, not opinions on the situation.

Sunshinenrain · 25/09/2023 16:26

Iwillpassthanks · 25/09/2023 16:20

Did you catch all the lies that preceded the latest story?

Show quote history

Yes but saying she’s talking to someone online and OP believing it, doesn’t mean OP is gullible as this happens all of the time.

It’s only when her lies didn’t add up and she said he’s asking for money/saying he’s Jeremy Kyle etc did she clock that she’s being scammed.

TicTacNicNak · 25/09/2023 16:28

Would someone working PT on min wage even qualify for a £30k loan? Even if she did, it'd cost way more than £75 per month to pay back.

Sunshinenrain · 25/09/2023 16:29

Iwillpassthanks · 25/09/2023 16:22

So bizarre she names a celebrity that takes all of two seconds to google to determine she’s talking bs

she’s a liar op. A lonely fantasist. And you are falling for it

OP knows she’s not actually talking to Jeremy Kyle lol.

And it’s quite shocking how many people believe that they are talking to actual celebs.

There was a thread only a day or 2 ago about something thinking they were talking to a minor celeb.
They too ended up asking for money so even if it was really them, they weren’t interested in them romantically.

I’ve watched a couple episodes of catfish where people think they’re talking to celebs too.

I wonder if they think that because they’re celebs it’s easier to check out whether they’re lying and therefore they can’t be lying.

Iwillpassthanks · 25/09/2023 16:30

i wonder whether she’s actually explored the feasibility of her securing a £30k loan as a 50 plus single person in a low paid part time job

I suspect…. Not

Iwillpassthanks · 25/09/2023 16:30

@Sunshinenrain i was saying the woman was bizarre for naming JK not the OP lol!

Mygazpachoistoocold · 25/09/2023 16:30

It's a romance scam and they're becoming increasingly common. People lose thousands to them. It's heartbreaking. The police should be interested.
If you're worried about providing information to the police you can make a report anonymously to Crimestoppers.
crimestoppers-uk.org/give-information

isthesolution · 25/09/2023 16:31

I feel like I'd be offering my help by saying -

Please will you give me the chance to prove this is a scam? You will lose that money and never see/hear from this person again - please let me help you?

If she says no then by all means report that you think she'll be a victim of fraud but sometimes people have to make their own mistakes - awful as that is.