We have a 3 year old daughter who is an absolute angel. Of course, she is 3 so still fucking hard but over all she's happy, is not remotely worried about ever leaving us, she is cuddly and now sleeps very well.
When she was a newborn it was HARD. I got pre natal and subsequently post natal depression. My husband was lazy and mostly unhelpful. I had a c section so struggled after with recovery and did too much too soon. Since then his mum had major surgery, which she visibly struggled with and that made him realise how much I did and just dealt with..... he was very apologetic and said he would be different next time.
We have spoke about a second child often. At one point he was all for it, when we get 30 hours free. Then he went totally off the idea. Then was up for it again. I fell pregnant, unplanned, this year and he instantly said to abort. I asked if we could just discuss once our daughter was in bed. There was an awkward silence so I wrote out pros and cons for right now, all quite true to myself and brutally honest. He said "lets have it". Then he was off with me for days. Then spoke about it again, said he felt I didn't listen to him (despite me thinking it's actually me who's feelings aren't being considered). Got emotional, he changed his tune.
This has been a constant cycle until a few weeks ago, when our daughter had a cough and was very upset and not easy to calm (about 9/10pm) and he was very off with me for days. I said what is it. He said I just had a flashback of telling you I didn't want to do this again and you've done it anyway... I said I am not taking "blame" for this anymore, this took two of us, It was a genuine "accident" (for want of a better word!!!). He was so off with me for days and I mean not talking at all, not eating, not sharing the bed. Awful. I was also in bits, angry, hurt, upset.
We spoke again and he repeated his concerns and things felt lighter. Then the next day back to the same attitude when I was told "doesn't mean it's all gone away you need to not talk about the baby. I need time".
Now.. I'm 23 weeks pregnant, quite uncomfortable, taking care of a 3year old basically on my own, feeling these little kicks...and I'm not allowed to express joy (or anything) for this child/pregnancy. Knowing how hard the first time was for me, it fucking hurts.
The other night I packed my bags and said unfortunatley we don't get the luxury of "space" and "time" because we have a CHILD who needs us HERE RIGHT NOW who doesn't understand. he said he needs time to accept that this is happening as he doesn't want to be an absent father but needs time.
We have known since 3 weeks btw... it's not some sudden shock now. All of this is killing me and making me so angry. I don't know how I can forgive him. I feel like he is being so disgustingly selfish. I am totally okay with him having feelings differing from my own but if he had spoke to me about it like a normal person instead of just spouting about abortion instantly..... who knows!!!I don't want my kids to grow up in a broken home but I don't want them having a shitty dad like I did. All or nothing!
I would be grateful for any advice!!!!