Another thread about sex - I've been asked if I would try something new.

[screwedup]

Anal sex.

Never done this. Terrified that it will hurt but I am curious iyswim.

Have any other ladies out there tried it?

I really need advise on this one before I go for it. Please help.

Don't knock it til you've tried it. I first tried it at 18, and have enjoyed it in most relationships since. It is not a case of only doing it when drunk, and I have never had to use lube. It has never been painful and always been pleasurable. Using a vibrator at the same time on your clit gives the most powerful orgasms, that leave you reeling for hours.
I have also never had problems with piles or shitting myself following anal penetration. Though one guy did end up with a bit of a brown bell end .

I should clarify: We go through fits and starts of bum loving. We both enjoy it. Although i have to say, it is ME that likes it the most and DP will only do it when very turned on. Yes those comments i referred to are made. I admit that i am slightly masochistic and submissive in the bedroom. (I just wish DP would indulge that a little more often ). That doesnt make me a victim, nor my partner a sadist (he most definately is not!!), it just means we enjoy a very varied and slightly off the wall sex life. I am certainly not submissive in the rest of our relationship - quite the opposite in fact. There is alot to be said for a little bit of pain during sex, well for me there is, and im hardly a depraived perve - its all about adrenalin and endorphins. Its about trust and mutual respect. I should say that when i talk about pain, i am talking notihng more intense than a tweaked nipple and a gentle flogger across the buttocks. I guess i differ from most for enjoying that, but i am trying to make the point that my despite what dittany implies, my partner would never hurt me and i love and trust him with my life, and if we want to experiment in that way well then why not.

Expat summed it up very well - each to their own. But seriously expat, give it try, you might even like it.

As Xenia said it shouldnt hurt, although i do tend to find that say 7 times out of ten, it hurts a little when, sorry, tmi alert, it goes in. But after that it just feels nice, intense. Maybe xenia should have said, if it doesnt hurt a little bit, then you are doing it too much

My partner never pesters me for anal, well no more than he pesters me for ordinary sex (not enough ). But i think that if your partner has to pester you to do it, like its a favour to him, you shouldn't be doing it. If you dont want to do it then DON'T. I think that is really important. If your partner doesnt respect that, well then he doesnt respect you.

I have already said that the OP should not do this with her current partner as from what she says about her current relationship, there does not seem to be the love and respect needed for such intimate actions - but then perhaps im just an old romantic.

You could be onto something there about the prostate dittany I do have to have clitoral stimulation when we do it - but my orgasms are then a million times more intense. I dont know why this is. My DP likes me to "do him" sometimes, i have to be very very gentle but i can bring him to his knees in orgasm

I don't think sex is as simple as just orgasm. Presumably there are about 1000+ things people an do in bed or out of it that are sexual which they enjoy and which arouse them, not least pleasing your partner. I also don't agree that people should only do things they like in bed. Why shouldn't you do something your partner likes even if you don't?

I couldnt agree more Xenia, i would say i only orgasm about 25% of the time when we have penetrative sex. But i still love sex, it is about intimacy, adrenalin, passion, love, etc etc. For me, orgasm is a bonus. There are times when it becomes very important, and then of course, i always get what i want

Of course he is gentle with me dittany - well, as gentle as i want him to be .

It is all about pleasing yourself and your partner, of course this must always be a willing partner. I think it would be terrible for a woman to have anal just to please her partner, because she wouldnt relax and it would hurt, and it doesnt have to. But that goes for any sexual practice, if someone doesnt like doing it with the lights on, they shouldnt be forced/cajoled into doing so.

But we are not all the same (thank god) and some women love anal, i am one of them. It isnt always about masochism either.

I agree to a certain extent xenai about doing something solely to please your partner, i think that is fine, so long as you are comfortable doing it. I mean, i have been known to give my partner a bj when i havent been turned on, just to be "nice" so just to please him - its usually ended up with me being aroused too though.

'Expat summed it up very well - each to their own. But seriously expat, give it try, you might even like it.'

No, thanks. It's like teh idea of sleeping with a woman - just completely turns me off.

By expatinscotland on Sat 08-Mar-08 22:22:47
it's apparently the thrill of some bloke telling you he's going to fuck you up the arse tonight and the feel of a foreign object up your rectum.

sounds really fun and exciting, doesn't it?

YES

cross posts there expat, if it completely turns you off, its ok, don't worry, its ok not to like these things . Im not really sure about the sex with a woman thing. Ive thought about it, seems like a good idea, but then ive never met a woman id want to do it with.

And FWIW, hell yes it's about the orgasm!

I orgasm 100% of the time, if if I had a shite shag who couldn't get me there, well, I'd move him off and finish the job myself.

No problem.

No, I've never been inclined to sleep with a woman. I have several gay friends who never have slept with a woman, either .

AH but i bet they take it up the jacksie!!!

Not all, lucy. Some are just 'givers' .

ah, thats what they tell you expat, so as not to put your off your earl grey and fairy cakes

Dittany, i DID say what it is about, it is about intimacy, it is about love, it is about mutual enjoyment. I adore my partner and would do anything he suggested (I can say that because i know he would never suggest anything out of order). I get an immense pleasure out of pleasing him, as he does out of pleasing me. I honestly do give him a BJ and he will cum and then say, oh, but what about you, and i am like, no really babe, i'll just read my book. Hes happy, im happy. Sometimes i make him work extremely hard - i take AGES to cum . I don't need to orgasm to enjoy sex. I think men need to orgasm because they dont actually get as much out of the build up as women do. I honestly think i get far more pleasurable sensations from sex than a man does. It can send me really quite off the planet sometimes.

The OP was considering it, (i advised her not to actually but only due to her circumstances) and was a bit apprehensive that it might hurt. It does sometimes hurt, but not so much that it ruins things, if i am not relaxed it can be too painful, on those occasions, we dont do it. I do it for ME, he enjoys it too. I ask him why he likes it, he says because he likes to see me so turned on.

You are exactly right, sex should be fun, it should definately not be a chore. But just because you dont fancy something, it doesnt mean other people shouldnt. Why can you not accept that some women really do like it. You are in the do not like it camp, thats great, im sure you have a fantastic sex life without it - everyones happy

It is actually well known in the gay world, though, lucy, that some men have sex with men strictly as givers.

well yes expat, i am sure that is so, but if they are ALL givers..............!! Or do you only befreind the givers then??

Well, they'll usually pair up with a receiver.

I know one guy who prefers receiving.

Another prefers giving because if he receives he orgasms too quickly and then his boyfriend has to stop - k, this phenomenon is also outlined in a fairly recent 'Savage Love' column in great detail, 'Dan Savage' being a gay male journalist.

I would not feel guilty about 'taking ages' to orgasm, even though I don't.

Expat, that is interesting, i have some gay friends, i cant say i have thought about it too much, now i rather wished i hadn't

I most certainly dont feel guilty about it, it can be a pain sometimes, but thats why god invented the vibrator

I can only talk about my own experiences. I am not trying to sell it at all dittany, not in the least. Im just being honest. The point i am TRYING to make is, that i am not a downtrodden woman who only gives to her man. I enjoy giving him oral, sometimes he says, why didnt you let me do you - i get carried away sometimes. I do get pleasure out of that. Just because i dont always orgasm doesnt mean i dont enjoy it, i enjoy as much as multi orgasmic lil who used to live next door to me, well i can only assume that based on the amount of noise she made, unless of course she was taking it up the rear and doing it wrong!!

I think anal sex stopped being a feminist issue when people finally realised that women like sex too. There would have been a very different argument on here years ago, that having to submit to actually have sex with our partners was derogatory. It is not for everyone and i respect that

Gosh!..this thread is like a coldsore..lol...you either like it or you don't it's really that simple...((shudders))

Very few men would ever want sex without orgasm i agree, but I did qualify that in one of my previous post, For men, they are often quite happy just to jerk it off, job done I would prefer to take my time doing "stuff".

Orgasm as a right, i totally agree, but sometimes we dont have ages to spend getting there, so i either don't, im quite happy, or i sort myself out, with his help afterwards,I would have said that about 5% of our sex life involves me doing him only, but its really not a problem for me, im confident enough to not have a problem.