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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What has a guy done that instantly made you lose interest?

507 replies

LusaBatoosa · 10/09/2023 17:14

The ones that spring to mind:

  • Thought Jordan Peterson 'had some interesting ideas.
  • Used 'female' as a noun.
  • Let me pay half. I always offered, but if you let me, there would be no second date.
  • Really poor spelling and grammar. Not the occasional mistake or lapse (we all make them), practicaly unintelligible messages.
  • Said he 'wasn't a reader'
  • Was a picky eater.
  • Was teetotal.
  • Was religious.
  • Wore a chain.
  • Didn't drink water.

The dating pool has pee in it and, on top of that, I'm fairly unreasonable. I'm very happy I met my husband. 🤣

OP posts:
LusaBatoosa · 10/09/2023 19:33

wavws · 10/09/2023 19:31

—said he would find it weird if his future GF earned more money than him during our first date
-following on, started gossiping about me when I got promoted and started earning more than him
-complaining about the price of everything
-insisting to split bill by exactly 50%, ie £12.61 or whatever. At that point I’d rather just pay for what I individually ordered
-said he can’t afford my theoretical “only fans”. I don’t have only fans, so not sure what his comment meant? Is he saying I’d be expensive or that I’m not worth paying for?
-stated he is “well endowed” in a completely irrelevant conversation
-saying he would invite me back to his but his parents are home

Was this all the same guy?!

OP posts:
NotObligedToArgueWithStrangers · 10/09/2023 19:37

Shot a bird with an air rifle because it kept shitting on his car. Inexplicably thought this was an anecdote that I would find as hilarious as he did.

samestyle · 10/09/2023 19:38

Matched with a nice looking guy on bumble, excited to talk to him, the first line is always a bit awkward but just asked how it was going for him and it said its brilliant, and long May it continue... oh well doesn't look like he wants to come off it anytime soon then despite his profile stating relationship. Instantly turned me off him and unmatched.

I could write huge list on what makes me lose interest, normally things they find funny or banter.
The date could be going well until he calls me a milf even though there's only a few years difference.
Or once they've had the second date they think it's time to stop dating and just go round theirs because they just want sex and don't want to spend money.

greengobbledygook · 10/09/2023 19:41

On a second date, his phone was in the pocket of his jacket and he slammed the taxi door on his jacket breaking his phone.

I dunno why but I just couldn't after that.

Princessbananahamock · 10/09/2023 19:42

He started singing to me whilst looking into my eyes!!

becarefulofyourheart · 10/09/2023 19:42

Tally00 · 10/09/2023 19:32

Watched a woman pass our table and follow her past with his eyes dropping to her bum before asking me to repeat what I was saying.

I was in an on-off thing with this guy and I was fair obsessed with him. One day we were sitting in a park and he did this exact thing to a passing girl. I totally went off him, like I was instantaneously set free. Whenever he contacted me or I felt like weakening and texting him, I just remembered that lingering up-and-down glance and nah.

LusaBatoosa · 10/09/2023 19:44

greengobbledygook · 10/09/2023 19:41

On a second date, his phone was in the pocket of his jacket and he slammed the taxi door on his jacket breaking his phone.

I dunno why but I just couldn't after that.

This is wonderful! 🤣

OP posts:
randomfemthinker · 10/09/2023 19:45

Had an awful voice when he opened his mouth.

I was thirsty after a long trip across the UK to visit him and wanted a drink on arrival. Rather than him jump forward to pay after an expensive trip for me, I ended up paying for both drinks and when they arrived, his hand snaked past me to grab MY drink as it was half the size of how mine arrived!

Met for a date and we had a strong common interest yet he wasn't interested in discussing it and just wanted to talk about his housework and latest purchased home appliances.

Lacked curiosity and didn't ask questions/interject with my chat dialogue and only wanted to talk about himself.

Ordered a burger for lunch and split it in half with his hands after handling cash.

When visiting me and I went food shopping for us, he'd over load my basket without offering to pay anything towards yet the polar opposite took place when I visited him and he was super stingy.

I found out he was married with kids as by coincidence, he happened to work with another friend of mine and we were discussing contacts. When I challenged him about it, he turned it on me and said how does he know I'm not married??? I wasn't!

AgnesX · 10/09/2023 19:50

Ate with their mouth open. Noisily. And to add to it used their cutlery like shovels (elbows out).

Kept their small change in a purse

Didn't have Nescafé (back in the 90's) Mellow Birds - yuk.

FluffletheMeow · 10/09/2023 19:56

Been in a relationship for a long while now, but mine were:

  • Expects to pay, won't go halves if asked (screams misogyny)
  • Doesn't like animals (pyscho? Clean freak? In any case my animals would be a problem)
  • Doesn't read (thick, unimaginative or both)
  • Only likes pretentious books/TV/movies not pop culture (doesn't like fun)
  • Drowned in aftershave 🤢
  • Very religious
  • Advocates homeopathy or other pseudoscience (thick)

Otherwise I was quite easy going. 😆

Phos · 10/09/2023 19:58

Why is using female as a noun a bad thing?

Also Jordan Peterson does have some interesting ideas.

wavws · 10/09/2023 20:01

LusaBatoosa · 10/09/2023 19:33

Was this all the same guy?!

lol! Yes! Didn’t progress any further than the first date as you can imagine

WunWun · 10/09/2023 20:04

Phos · 10/09/2023 19:58

Why is using female as a noun a bad thing?

Also Jordan Peterson does have some interesting ideas.

😂

Jesus, I think you're on the wrong side of town 😁

HoneyPotts · 10/09/2023 20:05

Phos · 10/09/2023 19:58

Why is using female as a noun a bad thing?

Also Jordan Peterson does have some interesting ideas.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

anotherside · 10/09/2023 20:06

Jordan Peterson sneaks in the odd right wing falsehood/generalisation here and there, but the vast majority of what he says is sensible and hardly that radical. He’s a pretty smart guy but no original thinker. Yet it’s the hilariously OTT reaction by the woke brigade to the very occasional slighly edgy comment here and there that has made him a multimillionaire. Funny really.

honeyandfizz · 10/09/2023 20:06

My ex is 56 and posts picture of his food on IG for his 12 followers to see - I cannot help but find this very icky as he thinks he is super cool. Who cares if you had cheese, bread and wine for lunch? Ewww.

honeyandfizz · 10/09/2023 20:07

Oh and also dating profiles that say "not into drama" "drama free" etc I am not sure what they mean by this?!

GoryBory · 10/09/2023 20:08

I don’t understand why not reading would be a turn off for some people.

How does that affect you if you were in a relationship?

I love to read but I only got into it in my late 20s and I’ve actually not read for about 4 months.
But I read murder mysteries and thrillers, not intellectual books so I’m not instantly more intelligent or a better person because I read.

It wouldn’t bother me if someone read a book a day or never read a book since school, as it doesn’t impact me so I don’t know why this would be a deal breaker for anyone.

MrsR87 · 10/09/2023 20:09

Ordered for me in a restaurant. No thank you!

ThomasinaLivesHere · 10/09/2023 20:09
  • poor hygiene. Had visible plaque on teeth in one case I remember 🤢
  • tight with money. I think going half is good but in one case he paid less than £1 more as it just worked out that way as we paid by cash and he kept reminding me of it
  • leaving me to make all the decisions- it’s painted as being generous to let me choose but it’s just tiring
Mademetoxic · 10/09/2023 20:10

FluffletheMeow · 10/09/2023 19:56

Been in a relationship for a long while now, but mine were:

  • Expects to pay, won't go halves if asked (screams misogyny)
  • Doesn't like animals (pyscho? Clean freak? In any case my animals would be a problem)
  • Doesn't read (thick, unimaginative or both)
  • Only likes pretentious books/TV/movies not pop culture (doesn't like fun)
  • Drowned in aftershave 🤢
  • Very religious
  • Advocates homeopathy or other pseudoscience (thick)

Otherwise I was quite easy going. 😆

I agree with everything on your list bar the reading....
So you're implying if someone doesn't read, they're thick?

Bellyblueboy · 10/09/2023 20:12

Called his parents mummy and daddy. 🤮

WunWun · 10/09/2023 20:13

anotherside · 10/09/2023 20:06

Jordan Peterson sneaks in the odd right wing falsehood/generalisation here and there, but the vast majority of what he says is sensible and hardly that radical. He’s a pretty smart guy but no original thinker. Yet it’s the hilariously OTT reaction by the woke brigade to the very occasional slighly edgy comment here and there that has made him a multimillionaire. Funny really.

Slightly edgy comments? The guy believes in conversion camps for gay people

olivehaters · 10/09/2023 20:15

Arrived in a taxi because he had a driving ban. Wouldn't let me choose the film at the cinema then accepted me paying half at dinner despite him asking me on the date. Asked me to give him a lift home despite being in completely the opposite direction to where I lived. Home was a hotel, where he hopefully invited me in. I declined.

HarrietJet · 10/09/2023 20:17

MCOut · 10/09/2023 18:45

I agree OP. We do not yet live in the utopia where women earn the same as men. Coffee and walks are definitely not my thing but if that works for you that’s great.

  • Not paying for the first date
  • Lazy early dates - I don’t mind helping plan, it doesn’t have to be expensive or OTT. Dinner and a movie or a picnic for example is fine. A man once had me meet him in Wetherspoons for a first date and that was just a no.
  • Stingy behaviour
  • Poor hygiene
  • Men who play games
  • Arseholes. Even if they’re nice to me
  • Men who are rude to service professionals
Edited

We do not yet live in the utopia where women earn the same as men
We don't live in the 1950s either, and shockingly enough, some women do earn as much as men.