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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What has a guy done that instantly made you lose interest?

507 replies

LusaBatoosa · 10/09/2023 17:14

The ones that spring to mind:

  • Thought Jordan Peterson 'had some interesting ideas.
  • Used 'female' as a noun.
  • Let me pay half. I always offered, but if you let me, there would be no second date.
  • Really poor spelling and grammar. Not the occasional mistake or lapse (we all make them), practicaly unintelligible messages.
  • Said he 'wasn't a reader'
  • Was a picky eater.
  • Was teetotal.
  • Was religious.
  • Wore a chain.
  • Didn't drink water.

The dating pool has pee in it and, on top of that, I'm fairly unreasonable. I'm very happy I met my husband. 🤣

OP posts:
Darkdiamond · 10/09/2023 18:18

Jordan Peterson has a lot of really interesting ideas. Which ones do you object to, OP?

NearlyMonday · 10/09/2023 18:19

I declined a date with a very good looking guy, because he didn’t drive. Driving is a basic life skill IMO, particularly in my rural area

MattDamon · 10/09/2023 18:21

The old me would say rubbish spelling/grammar, but the loveliest man I ever dated couldn't spell to save his life. Instead, he was funny, warm, genuine, kept up with current events, close to his family, extremely hardworking and just a pleasure to be around.

It didn't work out for stupid reasons but I think about him a lot.

weeRagamuffin · 10/09/2023 18:21

With you on Jordan Petersen. He has .............. other psychologists' interesting ideas. Which he regurgitates.

Not sure picky eater would bother me.
Or even ''not a reader'' it would depend, does he work hard and keep up with what's going on in the world?

Religious, I don't know, sanctimonious no, but I have spoken to some interesting religious people.

cornflakesandtea · 10/09/2023 18:21

Wait... is female not a noun?

BookwormDadUK · 10/09/2023 18:22

Rec0veringAcademic · 10/09/2023 17:20

Oh dear...

Whined about the price of an onion (which I was paying for!), drove around a residential area for 15 minutes because he refused to pay for parking "on principle"... I could go on.

Another blew hot and cold (I was young, young for my age, and smitten, but found my anger at last).

Haven't had many relationships, but I've got multiple T-shirts for each.

To be fair, the price of an onion these days is insane.

LusaBatoosa · 10/09/2023 18:24

Whataretheodds · 10/09/2023 17:50

Gosh. Are single men expected to pick up the whole tab on all of their first dates including where they've never met the date in person before? Seems harsh.

Let's hope you're not one of those women who thinks a walk and a coffee isn't an acceptable first date, OP

They didn’t have to do anything. There’s plenty of women who are happy to pay half (or go for a walk and a coffee). They can date them.

OP posts:
SevenOhOne · 10/09/2023 18:24

Took the restaurant bill home to claim against tax 😭

weeRagamuffin · 10/09/2023 18:24

dikwad · 10/09/2023 17:40

JP does have lots of interesting thoughts/ideas/opinions. Send that one my way.

What interesting ideas does he have that are his own?

LadyOfTheCanyon · 10/09/2023 18:24

Walked into the room in just his tighty whiteys holding a Chinese takeaway because he 'didn't want to get his clothes messy'

LusaBatoosa · 10/09/2023 18:24

Rec0veringAcademic · 10/09/2023 17:20

Oh dear...

Whined about the price of an onion (which I was paying for!), drove around a residential area for 15 minutes because he refused to pay for parking "on principle"... I could go on.

Another blew hot and cold (I was young, young for my age, and smitten, but found my anger at last).

Haven't had many relationships, but I've got multiple T-shirts for each.

Do you remember how much the onion cost?! 🤣

OP posts:
Bettyneptune · 10/09/2023 18:24

Supersimkin2 · 10/09/2023 17:30

Farted in a campervan.

🤣

Yahyahs22 · 10/09/2023 18:25

Darkdiamond · 10/09/2023 18:18

Jordan Peterson has a lot of really interesting ideas. Which ones do you object to, OP?

I was just thinking the same thing. As a female there's a lot I quite like about him. The way he talks about bringing up children being the main one

LusaBatoosa · 10/09/2023 18:26

Privatelyliving · 10/09/2023 18:02

But why not? The whole he must pay thing is based on an assumption/history that women have no money of their own.

I DON’T AGREE WITH YOUR DATING CRITERIA! JUSTIFY YOURSELF TO ME!

No, I don’t think I shall. 😊

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 10/09/2023 18:26

LusaBatoosa · 10/09/2023 18:24

They didn’t have to do anything. There’s plenty of women who are happy to pay half (or go for a walk and a coffee). They can date them.

Jordan Peterson sounds right up your street.

Showdogworkingdog · 10/09/2023 18:30

Smoking
smelling ‘fusty’
A guy I dated aged 18 lived with his mum, bedroom full of tech, all bought on credit. He was a couple of years older and had already maxed out a credit card. Bet he’s spent his life on the edge of insolvency.
Laughing loudly at his own jokes.
Wore his mum’s T-shirts. He said they were designer. I thought it was fucking weird to share clothes with his mum.
Clingy.

weeRagamuffin · 10/09/2023 18:32

I find some of his ideas about single parent families quite ''shaming'' to be honest.

The message seems to be, women, stick it out, endure your bad relationship for the children because statistics show that children need two parents. All true I'm sure but so many single mothers put up with so much before they called time. The problem is that the men cannot seem to behave in a way that shows a minimum level of respect to the mother of their children.

So instead of his message about boys needs fathers, he needs to take it back to the fathers who either leave or can only be around if they get to control the mother. I know he's not saying ''be controlling'' to the men he preaches to. But there is a message I'm receiving that boys need a father around. Yes jordan, we get it, but how do we make the father treat us in a way that is respectful enough that we can say, ok, this works.

He says schools are failing boys, but women still aren't paid as well and he says that's right and dandy, they're not producing the money in their chosen paths, but then he also advises a female 30 year old lawyer to get married and have children because family is everything. Hmmm, maybe it can be if you get it right. But whether you marry well, or badly, your bank isn't giving you a reduced rate mortgage for being a woman. You have to earn what you can.

So many of his ideas are jumbled up and come back to an ''ideal'' format that we women can't enforce. ie, making a man behave respectfully, or making him be a great father even if he is angry at his son's mother, or putting family first but then still saying that it's reason and logic that women aren't generating the profits in their chosen careers to earn the same as men. If that's the case why does it even matter that boys are being failed by the schooling system?

MorrisZapp · 10/09/2023 18:34

There's an insane woman on tiktok who coaches women to fall into their 'feminine energy' in order to attract a 'masculine energy man'.

I watch her videos because I find her voice relaxing but she is batshit mental.

Apparently going to a coffee shop, ordering coffee, finding a table and then sitting down might dampen his manly feelings. You're meant to wait outside, and not pull the door open when he arrives.

I can only imagine the awkwardness of standing around outside Costa with both parties unsure of who should step forward and open the door 😂😂

CrackSpackle · 10/09/2023 18:34

dikwad · 10/09/2023 17:40

JP does have lots of interesting thoughts/ideas/opinions. Send that one my way.

100%

LusaBatoosa · 10/09/2023 18:38

weeRagamuffin · 10/09/2023 18:21

With you on Jordan Petersen. He has .............. other psychologists' interesting ideas. Which he regurgitates.

Not sure picky eater would bother me.
Or even ''not a reader'' it would depend, does he work hard and keep up with what's going on in the world?

Religious, I don't know, sanctimonious no, but I have spoken to some interesting religious people.

Those were my dealbreakers, though. I wasn’t asking if anyone shared them. I’m asking what yours are/were.

OP posts:
LusaBatoosa · 10/09/2023 18:40

MorrisZapp · 10/09/2023 18:34

There's an insane woman on tiktok who coaches women to fall into their 'feminine energy' in order to attract a 'masculine energy man'.

I watch her videos because I find her voice relaxing but she is batshit mental.

Apparently going to a coffee shop, ordering coffee, finding a table and then sitting down might dampen his manly feelings. You're meant to wait outside, and not pull the door open when he arrives.

I can only imagine the awkwardness of standing around outside Costa with both parties unsure of who should step forward and open the door 😂😂

🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
weeRagamuffin · 10/09/2023 18:44

I bought in to that feminine energy thing for a while. It was interesting, as for years, I think we were all dissuaded or perhaps shamed out of being unapologetically feminine. So it was an interesting concept.
Now I'm not sure I care anymore. I've decided to be single so I'm free to have whatever energy I like.

MCOut · 10/09/2023 18:45

LusaBatoosa · 10/09/2023 18:24

They didn’t have to do anything. There’s plenty of women who are happy to pay half (or go for a walk and a coffee). They can date them.

I agree OP. We do not yet live in the utopia where women earn the same as men. Coffee and walks are definitely not my thing but if that works for you that’s great.

  • Not paying for the first date
  • Lazy early dates - I don’t mind helping plan, it doesn’t have to be expensive or OTT. Dinner and a movie or a picnic for example is fine. A man once had me meet him in Wetherspoons for a first date and that was just a no.
  • Stingy behaviour
  • Poor hygiene
  • Men who play games
  • Arseholes. Even if they’re nice to me
  • Men who are rude to service professionals
weeRagamuffin · 10/09/2023 18:46

ok, my dealbreaker is having two different personalities on the go. I use this for friendships too. Super vivacious and supportive to high status people, monosyllabic and quite cold to people they perceive to be beneath them.

And drinking too much.

Beargrumps22 · 10/09/2023 18:48

Mummy's boys especially ones who are well over the age when they should not be still tied to the apron strings
alcoholics
Those who think women should be seen and not heard
selfish men
sports obsessed men
Religious fanatics
smelly men but those who reek too much of aftershave etc are just as bad can't breathe with too much of that

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