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Original poster

What has a guy done that instantly made you lose interest?

507 replies

LusaBatoosa · 10/09/2023 17:14

The ones that spring to mind:

  • Thought Jordan Peterson 'had some interesting ideas.
  • Used 'female' as a noun.
  • Let me pay half. I always offered, but if you let me, there would be no second date.
  • Really poor spelling and grammar. Not the occasional mistake or lapse (we all make them), practicaly unintelligible messages.
  • Said he 'wasn't a reader'
  • Was a picky eater.
  • Was teetotal.
  • Was religious.
  • Wore a chain.
  • Didn't drink water.

The dating pool has pee in it and, on top of that, I'm fairly unreasonable. I'm very happy I met my husband. 🤣

OP posts:
Sushi4Dins · 13/09/2023 23:03

FirstYouGetTheMoney · 13/09/2023 22:16

I find it hard to accept that a woman who wants to be treated specially (I.e. not as an equal) outside the office can then expect to be treated as an equal inside it.

To me, it’s an all-or-nothing deal, we’re on a par with each other, and don’t demand special treatment because of our sex, or we’re different and have to accept different treatment in all areas.

Show quote history

So, don’t accept it, then. I don’t think any of the women in question were seeking your sign off.

To me, it’s an all-or-nothing deal, we’re on a par with each other, and don’t demand special treatment because of our sex, or we’re different and have to accept different treatment in all areas.

And? You’re clearly aware that the female gender is not monolithic as you’ve been talking about not basing your decisions/lifestyle/opinions on what other women have or do. So, by that same token, you must be aware that other women aren’t required to base their decisions/lifestyle/opinions on what you believe or how you choose to live your life. Nobody cares.

MintJulia · 13/09/2023 23:07

Lost his temper & shouted at me because I was late for a second date.

We weren't even going to the cinema or out to dinner, just to hang out at his flat. It was harvest time & I got stuck behind a slow-moving combine, and he yelled at me. That was enough to put me off.

FirstYouGetTheMoney · 13/09/2023 23:08

Sushi4Dins · 13/09/2023 23:03

So, don’t accept it, then. I don’t think any of the women in question were seeking your sign off.

To me, it’s an all-or-nothing deal, we’re on a par with each other, and don’t demand special treatment because of our sex, or we’re different and have to accept different treatment in all areas.

And? You’re clearly aware that the female gender is not monolithic as you’ve been talking about not basing your decisions/lifestyle/opinions on what other women have or do. So, by that same token, you must be aware that other women aren’t required to base their decisions/lifestyle/opinions on what you believe or how you choose to live your life. Nobody cares.

Show quote history

You seem very confused about the point of a discussion forum.

I’m not telling anyone else what to do, I’m just criticizing them for being gold diggers and hypocrites.

Sushi4Dins · 13/09/2023 23:15

FirstYouGetTheMoney · 13/09/2023 23:08

You seem very confused about the point of a discussion forum.

I’m not telling anyone else what to do, I’m just criticizing them for being gold diggers and hypocrites.

Show quote history

I’m not telling anyone else what to do, I’m just criticizing them for being gold diggers and hypocrites.

And that’s ‘discussion’, is it? I don’t think I’m the one who is confused.

FirstYouGetTheMoney · 13/09/2023 23:18

Sushi4Dins · 13/09/2023 23:15

I’m not telling anyone else what to do, I’m just criticizing them for being gold diggers and hypocrites.

And that’s ‘discussion’, is it? I don’t think I’m the one who is confused.

Show quote history

Yes, of course it’s discussion, so yes, you very much are the one who’s confused. You seem to be actively taking offence at people having a different opinion from you on this.

Why such a chip on the shoulder?

Vargas · 13/09/2023 23:23

Casual racism.
BO
posters of half naked women on walls
Terrible driving

Original poster
LusaBatoosa · 13/09/2023 23:33

Zenana · 13/09/2023 19:27

My friend fancied a guy for ages, months, and another friend and I had all the angst from April up to Christmas when he finally asked her out.

After about three or four dates he took her to his local (more correctly she took him, she was the driver and doesn't drink alcohol ever). Sitting having a drink and chat he pointed out a group of women: "See them? Shagged 'em all."

He'd already taken her home - he lived with his family - and she met the grandad asleep on the sofa in his underpants so she shouldn't have been surprised.

She then discovered he wore a pendant with a naked woman on a swing. He said he was going to get another one with a man so then "it'll look like they're shagging."

She dropped him off at home and said that was it and he burst into tears and said he loved her!

Show quote history

This sounds like something on a sitcom. Your poor friend! 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
LusaBatoosa · 13/09/2023 23:34

SamW98 · 13/09/2023 19:31

I was chatting to a bloke from OLD who was quite attractive and we got on really well.
He started sending me selfies several times a day ‘me driving to work’ ‘me at the gym’ ‘me laying on my bed’ which then turned into ‘me just got out bath with towel just about covering my tackle’ then asked if I wanted him to move the towel. I was cringing by now so said ‘no thanks I’m good’
Then next day he told me he was going on a sunbed ready for our date on Friday . An hour later he sent me a photo of his legs and said ‘can you see how brown they are?’ I was at work, barely glanced and just said ‘yeah’. This seemed to upset him and he replied ‘I expected a better reaction than that. Is it hard to tell your boyfriend how much you like his brown legs?’

At that point my ick factor went from 0-100 and any attraction I had was gone.

This is wonderful! 🤣

OP posts:
DiscoBeat · 13/09/2023 23:40

Then pay half. Nobody is stopping you. You aren’t required to ‘get’ other people’s dating criteria.

DiscoBeat · 13/09/2023 23:40

Rather spiky response!

Physiologicalmalfunction · 13/09/2023 23:41

shouted and swore at his mum

Disturbia81 · 15/09/2023 18:52

FirstYouGetTheMoney · 13/09/2023 17:22

I asked DH what would make him regret going on a date.

He said if the woman was over a size 10 or had a degree from a modern university, which seems fair enough.

Wow.

ohdamnitjanet · 15/09/2023 19:08

DGConsultant · 10/09/2023 18:50

Sorry, you asked about guys and I'm a guy, so probably shouldn't be posting anyway!

I always wonder what the equivalent man thread would be like though!

Louisetopaz21 · 15/09/2023 20:53

I saw red briefs hung up to dry in his bedroom and it was over. I was 17 at the time. Another bf sulked because I wouldn't stay over and wanted to go home and he was dumped slept with one of my friends to make me jealous and I laughed

harerunner · 16/09/2023 05:21

Yettisrus29 · 13/09/2023 11:46

He asked me why my marriage didn't work. It's no one else's business least of all some guy I hadn't even met.

Interesting, as almost all OLD chats/dates I've had have veered on to that topic, even if not on the first date, and very often not instigated by me. I don't recall anyone having an issue saying why their last significant relationship ended. How your date talks about their last relationship tells you a lot about them, and is a really key part of sussing them out (eg does he say she was a complete psycho!)

If someone didn't want to talk about it at all, I'd wonder what they were hiding, or whether the experience was too raw and therefore whether they were ready for a relationship.

harerunner · 16/09/2023 05:24

FirstYouGetTheMoney · 13/09/2023 17:22

I asked DH what would make him regret going on a date.

He said if the woman was over a size 10 or had a degree from a modern university, which seems fair enough.

Spot the subtle attempt at a stealth boast Hmm

Newnamehiwhodis · 16/09/2023 05:30

Bashed exes. I can’t and won’t sit there and listen to a man complain about women.

Newnamehiwhodis · 16/09/2023 05:35

Oh, thought of another INSTANT dealbreaker: negging. A charming dude on this thread reminded me of this...

along with the disgusting “negging” habit: cutting down women’s rights. You want women to be treated less than and paid less in the workplace?
you don’t want to treat someone “special?” That’s just fine, go somewhere else, I’m immediately and absolutely not interested.

Yettisrus29 · 16/09/2023 07:00

harerunner · 16/09/2023 05:21

Interesting, as almost all OLD chats/dates I've had have veered on to that topic, even if not on the first date, and very often not instigated by me. I don't recall anyone having an issue saying why their last significant relationship ended. How your date talks about their last relationship tells you a lot about them, and is a really key part of sussing them out (eg does he say she was a complete psycho!)

If someone didn't want to talk about it at all, I'd wonder what they were hiding, or whether the experience was too raw and therefore whether they were ready for a relationship.

Show quote history

I don't talk about it, not because it's raw or I'm hiding something but because I'd rather forget about it. Too much happened and it nearly destroyed me, the person I am today took a lot of work. I was married, it ended up, that's all they need to know

I remember telling someone to an extent but that was after 7 months, and he told me about his which was similar. I trusted and knew him though.

Loubelle70 · 16/09/2023 07:24

Newnamehiwhodis · 16/09/2023 05:35

Oh, thought of another INSTANT dealbreaker: negging. A charming dude on this thread reminded me of this...

along with the disgusting “negging” habit: cutting down women’s rights. You want women to be treated less than and paid less in the workplace?
you don’t want to treat someone “special?” That’s just fine, go somewhere else, I’m immediately and absolutely not interested.

Yep! This^>
I work at Womens Aid.
Every date (bar 1) ive had just lately , when ive mentioned i work at Womens Aid, instead of asking a about my job, they've asked first off, " well what is there for men". I kid you not! Infact the last date i had after i said work at womens aid he said ' Can i ask you 1 thing?" ...i stopped him there "i know what you're going to ask, what is there for men?' ..he said "yes i was and is there?". Im fed up with the 'what about men?" from men. Ive decided they dont get a 2nd date. Men have the onus in a patriarchal society, but they wont let me expand on that question before their defences come up, do i do the same now. Ive no time for it

Anewnamea · 16/09/2023 07:37

My thing is I just don’t like stingy men so I’d be worried him not paying meant he more likely to be stingy but wouldn’t mind otherwise.

Men generally pay for first dates when I’ve offered. But I have had a second date once with one guy who never so it wasn’t a dealbreaker then but probably is now. He turned out to be quite stingy and slyly trying to get me to pay for more on later dates eg. Would not order food in a bar but try to eat half of my mine that I paid for myself.

There is also the case of the unspoken beauty tax women have. I don’t do anything crazy like Botox etc but I tend to get my eyebrows waxed or my nails done before a first date or at least put on a bit of makeup. That all costs money and while I’ve did it out of choice and because I like to look a certain way, it also benefits them.

I like men who appreciate the effort I’ve went to, so I feel they can reciprocate by paying for the date.

Anewnamea · 16/09/2023 08:02

My dealbreakers have been:

Any signs of misogyny /red pill type rhetoric.
poor personal hygiene
let’s dogs/pets sleep in their bed
a man who is clearly just looking for a second income (via a woman) to help pay child support /look after ageing parents/pay debts
Invites me to their house or invites themselves to my house for a first date

And I’ve experienced these last two frequently from multiple men I’ve spoken to online

  1. Showing too much interest in figuring out how much I earn (asking too many questions about my job role/status, what car I drive, where I live etc) 2. starting off a conversation asking where I’m from “originally”
Thighdentitycrisis · 16/09/2023 18:52

this thread started out giving me real laughs
then it seemed to get sidetracked
never mind I’ll try to think of some turn offs

Morning after; hovered over me supervising me making toast

negging

resentful and sulky

vain

Yettisrus29 · 16/09/2023 22:04

When I was younger I remember really fancying this guy who used to come into the pub I worked in. He was really hot! We used to flirt like mad, when we finally got together and had sex. I remember seeing his underpants and it being a real turn off. Underneath the nice jeans, and tshirt, he wore men's briefs.

I'm ashamed to admit I just couldn't get past them and went cold on the poor guy. Such a shame as he was keen and a really nice guy (who I still see, not sure he remembers me).

harerunner · 17/09/2023 07:07

Yettisrus29 · 16/09/2023 22:04

When I was younger I remember really fancying this guy who used to come into the pub I worked in. He was really hot! We used to flirt like mad, when we finally got together and had sex. I remember seeing his underpants and it being a real turn off. Underneath the nice jeans, and tshirt, he wore men's briefs.

I'm ashamed to admit I just couldn't get past them and went cold on the poor guy. Such a shame as he was keen and a really nice guy (who I still see, not sure he remembers me).

So he wore men's briefs... In what way was this a problem? Why were you so expecting? Women's briefs? No briefs? Long-johns?