A thread for those of us who have realised our partners are not so bad after all....

[Janni]

..so we would like to practise being nicer to them! I managed a week without saying anything sarcastic or critical to DH.

This week I'm also trying to be more affectionate to him, rather than just hugging the kids!

I feel happier and the atmosphere at home is much better.

Bubbla

ditto about what Minkulus and Janni have said about happiness - you can't really MAKE them happy, only try not to make them unhappy iyswim. There are loads of things that can stress them out - DH came home in a FOUL mood last night and my internal dialog started flapping and wondering what I'd done to upset him, but he just had a migraine..., not my fault at all, so when I realised this I could stop being defensive and actually be nice to him.

Not always easy and it can be hard work living with a less than chirpy chappy, specially when u r feeling rough!

Hope ds copes with the chicken pox and you're all feeling better soon...and belated Happy Birthday!

I like that about the 'internal dialogue' bb99 - that sounds very familiar to me!

aww thanks guys feel bit better today i think its because his workimng alot i dont feel well ds has the pox lol

and i cant be bothered to work him out but yeah i do automatically think its me as his so nice to ds sthen i come along and get filthy looks and harsh tone

then i think oh great what have i done now

will just stay silent its probably because i really want him to make a fuss of me and he tends to distance when im unwell

oh well big hugs when he gets home later and i shall just concentrate on looking after me and stop trying to analyze a mans mind

ITS NOT ME, ITS NOT ME there told myself and i have done bloody well lol and he is still working hard to provide for us and he is still loving just in his own way and his always been like that i can see that when i step back

i guess i wanst to be swooped up told to rest and he'll do everything lol like that would happen but hey i love him and i know he loves me

ds is ok more spots arriving as we speak but just demolished big plate of pasta meatballs so fingers crossed he'll sleep well still trying to get over rotten cold that he gave to me and then this so many restless nights for us both

xx

Bubblagirl - well done for staying positive despite all the illness.

Today is a test for me. Had an AWFUL day with the kids yesterday. Seemed like it was better today - the older one has a friend over to play. The younger two don't get on well, so I asked the older one to watch the
3 year old while I got lunch on the table.

He didn't. She fell off his bed and sliced her earlobe on a cabinet. Called DH - he couldn't help. Took all four kids to docs. Ear seemed OK, now it's started bleeding again so I don't know if it needs a stitch. But DH can't get home till late.

Have no family around, just feel really alone.
Really want to take out my frustration on him, but it won't help. I KNOW if he could get home he would.

Why is being a mum so hard????

oh poor you janni and poor dd bless her my ds is 3 also and has all sorts of accidents split chin open etc

its because you have to deal with all stress alone and you forget there days at work are probably stressful but we wouldnt be human if we didnt feel sorry for ourselves at times

my dp is always too far away to help at times of emergencies but we have to remember they are not to know so is not there fault

im sorry you are feeling lonley also i do have family around but none that can get to me quickly if needed help

i hope they settle well for you this evening then you can just sit back put feet up and breathe

just popped ds to bed as whining was becoming to frequent and in his speech delay managed to tell me he is tired so glad that it is slowly coming along enough to prevent further frustration for us both

well i send you big hugs i too am feeling so stressed last few days i think its the element of no control throws you as all of a sudden you dont know how to deal with things

when dh gets home remember tell him how hard your day has been but its not his fault so just let him comfort you dont push him away

when my dp gets in i will also tell him how stressful my day has been and hope he will comfort me and not sit on comp all evening as he dont know what to do lol xxxxxx

Sorry to hear you're having tough times still, janni and bubblagirl. Hope things improve for you. Poor DH is upstairs with what sounds like a migraine - though he's never had one before. Dreadful headache, and he wants to throw up, but can't. I'm not very good at sympathy, so we'll have to see how it all goes.

thanks jackie hope dh is feeling better

well dp had to get up at 4 after having 2 days of no slep so guess he wont be too happy when he gets home i'm going to do rainbow trout for dinner and hope for a relaxing evening with him

but if he does have hump i'll sit back with my mag and ignore and use all my might to understand its not me and resist asking if he loves me lol

hope every one else has good day

janni hope your feeling better xx

Thanks bubblagirl - DH threw up in the end, then felt better. Still a bit of a headache today, but nothing major, he said.

Hope your DP isn't too exhausted to enjoy the rainbow trout and you (so to speak!). Like you say - it's not you, and you can't control his feelings. Only he can do that.

Janni - hope your DD's ear is OK.

yeah i have spoke to him twice on phone and he was being suprisingly nice so hope for us yet he loves fish dinner as makes him feel bit healthier and always seems to cheer him up so thought nice bit of fish and cuddles we havent been together in weeks if you know what i mean so would like some closeness but wont expect too much tonight as i know he hasnt had sleep

but hopefully over weekend we can its horrible as when he talks to me the way he does put sme off and then his work gets in way then we lose some closeness his a good man but i havent been well its weird how you can find them so annoying lol

but today feel so much better ds slept in his own bed until dp alarm woke him so he done realy well i dont feel as coldy or ill so thins could be looking up xx

Hi all. DDs ear OK - looks bad but didn't need stitching. DH SO fed up with his work - I feel sorry for him rather than resentful at his not being here.

Took kids on a school uniform buying trip - exhausting!

Hello all, sounds like it's been a bit of a trying week for most of you, I hope you have a good weekend to make up for it..

Came back from Wales yesterday, I think DP missed us quite a bit. It's nice to feel wanted! He's off coastguard training all weekend though so won't see much of him. Am making spaghetti and meatballs for dinner and we have friends coming over to eat, I just have to not get stressed while cooking... (DP trained chef - likes to 'help' in a manner I find interfering!)

Bubbla & Janni, hope your DCs are feeling better

Janni, bubblagirl, JBK, what a week!

Still, have a giggle at my expense, have just upset DH by suggesting how to load more into dishwasher (BIG no no).

Poor guy IS trying to help, but on the one hand keeps telling me how strapped we are for cash(and last bit of unpaid mat leave has stretched us to put it mildly) then half loads the dishwasher and puts it on. Very helpful I know and lovely, but we're on a water meter too so my anxiety is going OMG, more money down the drain (literally).

He also has a habit of leaving on lights, turing on every light in the house, forgetting even to put things like the stereo or digibox on standby (let alone flick the switch at the wall) and washing 2 shirts in the washing machine

I grew up in a very energy conscious and recycling type 2nd hand house hold so struggle to not beat the greeny and money saving drum (all the time)

He grew up in a house where recycling was actually considered a waste of time and money (WTF)

So poor DH has been really helpful and got told off for it

Oh and then there are the BIG baths every night (anxiety, anxiety, anxiety....)

He HAS managed to join me in the Fockers mentality towards the expensive toilet flush but thinks it's a waste of time to do things like conserve the little bits of energy and money by just remembering to do the things like turning things off...

oh bb99 its so funny all at same time were oh things are great now at least we can all support each other as we lose our rag lol

well yesterday we actually got on well and watched film together so maybe now my colds going he'll like me being back to normal and make more effort

well ds was unsettled last night due to itchy spots so i'm shattered today so will have to watch how i act although his at work all day so his safe for now lol

good luck all for the weekend xx

jrocks hope you have good weekend dp does the trying to help also was a chef and he does the oh your doing it like that or takes over as he wants to do it his way and dosnt trust my way i tell him now if he steps foot in the kitchen while im cooking i'll go mad lol

bless em have fun hope you had nice time away glad dh missed you hope we all have better weekend dp actually cuddles up to me this morning and gave me kiss goodbye so looking good

Bubblagirl - wishing you restful nights, non-itchy spots and sleep!

Sorry - I'm too shaken up to read, hope you're all OK. Life is just weird at the moment. I've started a thread in 'legal' about DH being threatened on the phone, would appreciate any advice any of you may have!

Will be back later when I feel calmer x

Janni - that sounds AWFUL.

Will look for thread now.

Feel better now, thanks for your support. The other thread was a bit weird though - I got the feeling some people had it in for me

they obviously all live such wanderful lives where everyone is calm and nice

dont worry about it i can see why dh would be angry as i would but still dont mean other person has to become violent

and dont take it personally what others were saying it must be lovely to live in such a perfect place with calm and love amongst all lol

No, I don't think it's ever justifiable to threaten to kill someone.. what a madman. Not the sort of customer service you expect. Aside from all that nasty business, is everything okay?

Yeah - I think that's what didn't really come out on the other thread, that this guy really was a bit of a psycho and I was so shaken because I'd spoken to him on the phone and he sounded fine!

Blimey Janni - poor you. Hope it's all calmed down now.

Thanks Jackie - the mad thing is I haven't even had a chance to properly talk to DH about it other than on the phone, because he had to go to work this afternoon and is still there. I HOPE we can have a glass of wine and a chat tonight. We've never had anything like this happen before - it's very strange

Janni - hope all's well, it's easy to be snidey from the other side of a screen, don't worry about any negative posts!