A thread for those of us who have realised our partners are not so bad after all....

[Janni]

..so we would like to practise being nicer to them! I managed a week without saying anything sarcastic or critical to DH.

This week I'm also trying to be more affectionate to him, rather than just hugging the kids!

I feel happier and the atmosphere at home is much better.

Hello. All still alive? Been whisked off to an island paradise because you've all been so lovely?

This morning I dragged myself out of bed with DD at an ungodly hour. DH did it yesterday. He got up shortly after and asked if I wanted to go back to bed. The same thing happened a few weeks ago and back then I really snapped at him 'what was the point now? I'm already awake. Couldn't you have just got up first...blah blah. Today I just smiled and said 'that's really sweet of you. maybe later'. I had NO urge to be mean to him. I really do feel that this challenge has had a profound effect on me.

No island paradise, sadly, but DP was talking yesterday about maybe booking a holiday somewhere nice and warm, and took me out for dinner last night

hi guys well done for all your efforts ahvent really seen dp this week as his been on nights but with early starts again so not home long

have been nice though as would normally moan about not seeing him and have thanked him for all his doing

hope every one else is ok?

Not whisked off to an island paradise, but to the ILs . Managed not to criticise his driving (usually something I'm very prone to doing), both on the way there, and back. It did take a bit of setting my teeth and biting my tongue, while I looked out of the side window rather than in front, but it was fine.

Have just had the best w/end.

Joked with DH that we haven't had a row, so it can't be the w/end .

Managed big day trip to in-laws, dodging emotionally violent comments from v.emotional and tired (new baby)SIL, shopping for gifts, trip to A&E (egg headed baby!), cooking and a bit of Housework and washing, surviving miserable colds across the whole family, plus some quality time together.

OMG it's almost like being newly-weds...apart from the A&E, colds and exhaustion!

And we've both started noticing the overly sarcastic comments we both have grown to love and use. Have used a gentle reminder once 'You know m.vows didn't say anything about having to be unkind to each other...' and it went down quite well.

We haven't laughed this much in a VERY long time...

Lovely thread, thank you. Will continue to join you all.

Good Luck everyone else!

Well done bb99 - sounds like a lot to cope with without making some comments.

We do seem to be doing well, don't we. And enjoying it, too - it's lovely to have such instant results.

Hi all,...had a great weekend, managed not to snap at all, which has got to be a first.
I have shown dh this thread and he was quite chuffed with my post,... we keep laughing at my efforts to be appreciative, so that's definitely a good thing.
right, start of another working week, won't see dh for 4 days.
have just got to try and keep going and not blame him for the fact I'm at home trying to look after the kids, work, meet a deadline with no Au pair. It's those late night phone calls that are my downfall.
Wish me luck xxxx

glad everyone had good week my weekend was horrible and stressful and dp was working but when he was in he didnt help me at all even with me asking nicely

he was so tired so cant be to annoyed but i was as ds was not well ive been so stressed and run down could of done with 5 mins to recuperate

well i snapped and shouted and made comments lol it just came tumbling out ooops i'll try harder from today we didnt get on at all yesterday and not because of me because he always takes everything out on me

its weird when we make effort all seems well but then it falls apart if we dont surely we cant be that bad i'd like to see them make effort it seems ok for them to rant and rave at us if having problems but as soon as we do it they dont go out ther way to make us happy they just strop as well

oh well i'll see how it goes this week it should be a good week my b day sat going out with dp fri for a meal and few drinks and then going out with my friends sat and he has all easter weekend off so he should be happier

good luck for this week

Hi all - don't give up Bubblagirl, you've had some really good days recently and surely more good than bad is all we can hope for?

Ingles - what a fantastic start, well done!

BB99 - brilliant that you managed to joke and laugh despite A&E etc

Jackie - hope he noticed you didn't mention his driving. They say that's one of the top causes of arguments.

DH and I are still getting on fine. I notice that I'm getting more laid back about household stuff that used to infuriate me and that because I'm being very honest about times I find the children difficult he is really helping a lot more, despite having loads of work commitments.

I'm doing better on the physical affection front but didn't do well on the 'treating yourself' challenge, tho' I have shaved my armpits more than usual!!

This week, inspired by Bubblagirl, I am going to make an effort to cook a couple of DHs favourite meals. He normally makes do with
leftovers or cheese and biscuits

well done janni i made chilli con carne last night all on a budget shop as we have no money at mo but it was lovely and all ingrediants cost less than 2 pound hooray

so he felt he had, had a nice treat and didnt break the bank

he was being really nice last night bu ti was feeling bit low but we had nice evening held hands even had a kiss lol

closest we have been for last week as havent seen each other always takes us a little while to get back into things

anyway at least he is being nice to me maybe his worrying about affect his meaness had on me lol

well done everyone i shved everything yesterday so was nice and smoothe but he didnt get in till late and by then i was too tired but it all felt nice lol

got to wash my hair today and present myself better but his off round a friends tonight which will b enice for himm as all his friends moved away and this one moved back from ireland

so now he can socialise and make him feel better bless him so he should come home in a better mood having done something outside of work i'm happy for him

so its bacn sarnies tonight no lush dinner but i got lovely bread from bakers so he'll love it lol

Still going. DH was away night before last, but back lateish last night, completely knackered, and with a bad cold. So am trying to be sympathetic, though normally my sympathy doesn't last very long. Wears off pretty quickly. He's been working at home today, so he's here now. A long weekend together could be good, or could be difficult - we'll see.

Hi Jackie and Bubbla - good luck over the long weekend.

DH was in a mad rush for work this morning, looking for his shoes which he's left in the middle of the living room and which I'd put in the shoe cupboard - but he couldn't see them. I resisted the urge to make a sarky comment, even when he chided that maybe I'd put his shoes in the same place as my (lost) cashpoint card..Yes, my life is quite chaotic at the moment - I've lost my cashpoint card and my travelcard and the kitchen is a war zone...

But I have still managed not to snap at DH and we must be on our fourth week now? Or is it the third?

Janni - you are being saintly! Well done for avoiding the snapping.

Any advice from anyone on how to keep it buttoned would be gratefully received...

I've had less success this weekend (so far - OMG).

SIL is a bit of an issue for me at the moment and it's the time of year when there are just too many family gatherings...it just goes on and on about every other week with a full clan gathering at this time of year. She's very tired and so is making lots of jokey, but snarky comments at the moment (how droll) about me, OH and DS and I'm a bit tired too so less able to just laugh along, like I have for years.

OH absolutely adores his first family (the one he was born into)to the extent of spending most of this bank holiday with them, instead of me and the kids, and will not hear a word said against them EVER even if they've been out of order and I'm wobbling and worried at the moment about starting back at work ft. SIL started back too recently and is soon off abroad for another holiday, the week I start back. The last time they went abroad all SIL and BIL could say was 'we've been on holiday, what have you been doing, ha, ha...' etc etc and I think I might punch one of them if they say things along the lines of 'we're going on holiday next week...what are you doing?' (going back to work, la, la, la).

We don't go on about how BIG our house is, or how NEW our TWO cars are, or the I could afford to be off work LONGER...it would be rude!

Mentioned morbid fears to OH, as I am worried about a lot of different but linked things at the moment (back to work etc etc) and got BIG mouthful back along the lines of 'how veeerry dare you, my sister would NEVER say ANYTHING insensitive EVER' - it's a subject (any actual or implied criticism of his family at all) that we just can't talk about ever. Silly me! You would have thought I'd learn't by now to keep my big mouth shut. It's just something he can't cope with at all. Anyway, will try not to bristle and feel aggrieved about his implied disloyalty to me .

Wish me luck...and keep your fingers crossed that the unmentionables will remain unmentionable...

Oh BB99 that's HARD! At least I don't have to spend much time with DHs family, but for YEARS we would fall out because I couldn't stop moaning about his (genuinely awful) brother or his (annoying but kind) parents. HE was allowed to say things about them, but I wasn't.

Families are just such touchy subjects. Who knows, if you stop saying anything about them, he might be a bit more honest. They can't be THAT wonderful, surely?

I have stopped saying a word about his family.
He's even tried to goad me into it because he can't believe it - but I refuse It's quite good fun confounding his expectations, actually.

And he is still being a dream. Got up at 6a.m.with DD, tidied the kitchen, has had to go into work but has taken DS2 with him.

Hi there everyone - I'm back!
sorry for the lack of posts, I have just got back from a week in the hospital where we ended up with my darling girl. It turned out the sickness was her reaction to having pneumonia . Poor little devil has been really poorly and i stayed in with her, so glad to be home now. On the positive side, my DH has been a treasure with bringing stuff to the hospital and keeping it together at home.
Problem now is that i am shattered and he's really busy catching up with work so tempers are a bit short.....wish us luck!
Hoping you all have a great Easter Weekend. I will post again when we all get out strength back a bit - thinking up new challenges!
Love to you all
xx

Hi Minkulus - poor you and poor DD. That sounds awful! Great that DH was so supportive.
You're all bound to be tired.

Good luck with phrasing things in a positive way

minkulus - hope all's well and dd is feeling better.

Janni - i think the silence option is definitely one I'll be following in future - he is starting to see the wood for the trees RE SIL, so watch this space and leave them to it!

Great news bb99. I'm telling ya - it works! If you're overflowing with the need to slg them off, just do it on here

Oh I'm feeling so flat today. DH has had to go into the office (on Easter Sunday!) At least he's taken the boys with him to play on the computers there - I just have DD. We've all been on top of each other this morning. The weather's crap, there's nothing to look forward to...I have managed to look after myself (bath, bit of a lie-in) so that I'm not grumpy around him but GOD I want to scream! We still can't even work out whether we can get away at all because of his current work commitments. Even tomorrow he's going to have to go in to the office a bit and then it's back to a normal working week and I have to occupy the three kids. The older two were supposed to go to their grandparents but that fell through and it's REALLY hard having them all together - we live in a flat and tend to annoy each other!

AAGGHH! Just needed to RAN ON HERE SO I DON'T RANT AT HIM.

How's everyone else?

Poor you, Janni. Must be very frustrating for you. It's freezing here, so the DCs were in the garden, but came in.

Doing mostly OK. It's the thinking before I say something that's doing the trick (and thinking, can I phrase this in a better way, to still get my point across, but nicely). And thinking of you lot, and how I'll have to report back to you .

That's funny, Jackie. What am I, Headmistress of the 'talk nicely'school!!!

Thanks for your support. I keep this thread in my mind all the time too!

. That's it - but in a good way.

Janni - sorry for you and poor DH having to work so much. It can be infuriating!

Something did turn up for the books here DS came down with a nasty viral rash , so we had to cancel all the clan gathering plans. The dear boy has immaculate timing so we have missed the latest UN summit!

Hope your DH's work gets a bit more manageable and you can get some time soon!

bb99 - hope DS is OK. Comes to something when you're secretly relieved your child is ill

We're fine. DH took the kids out this afternoon and is going to the office for a bit this evening.

Hi there girls!
Have had a good rest and feeling better!
Janni - so sorry you are feeling blue. It is hard when DH has to work odd and long hours. My DH is always working and potters off to the office at a moments notice any hour/day. I don't think they understand that when the rest of the world is having a holiday or break it would be quite nice to be together too!

Now then everyone else - where have all the birdies gone? We seem to be missing some originals. Or have you all blissed out and no longer need to vent on here- In which case hurray!

Things here are settled and not too bad, though I'm p'eed off as my DH is also working odd hours etc and we haven't done a bloody thing together the whole weekend - grrr!
however i have managed to stay quite even tempered and have thrown him off guard. Hahaha!

P.S
pleased to report the legs are finally de fuzzed (quick call the press its a one off!)