A thread for those of us who have realised our partners are not so bad after all....

[Janni]

..so we would like to practise being nicer to them! I managed a week without saying anything sarcastic or critical to DH.

This week I'm also trying to be more affectionate to him, rather than just hugging the kids!

I feel happier and the atmosphere at home is much better.

Big hello! How are you all doing?
Ok time for tuesday's instalment!
things still good between DH and me - though he's had to cope with me being very down today. Lots of family stuff, all depressing as hell, but he has been a gem. He has had dd on and off for most of the day and has made some spag. bol for tea.
I haven't done my legs yet, but i did wash and brush my hair so some progress!
sending big hugs to those struggling and high fives to those who feel like they are getting it right!
love to you all

hi minkulus well i shaved all areas that needed doing so all groomed and feeling good lol

dp is on night though so will not benefit at all lol

well we hardly had any time well no time at all today together but he kept telling me how much he loved me feeling guilty still i think for his treatment of me the other day

i questioned him and said could he not see how much effort i had made and why isnt he happy still was it just me in general but he actually said he was sorry and he has noticed and he likes it so he will try harder to as i would never just come out and speak to him in the way he does to me never have

anyway big cuddles were given before he went i was in tears earlier as was worrying about our ds again untill assessments always on my mind

ds been feeling run down so forgets to use what little speech he knows and just moans and whines really wares me down

but all is good and to be honest i'm enjoying being on my own of an evening where i do feel so run down it gives me chance to just breathe and do things for me

hope every one else is ok welcome to anyone new on this thread i love the way i feel more confident since being on this thread its great knowing that we can all back each other up xx

Hello everyone...just checking in

This week is a bit up and down for me, DP is working long hours, which never makes him the most communicative and I've been feeling a bit vulnerable for other reasons (family illness, DS starting playschool..you name it, I worry!) So I think we've been struggling to relax. Maybe if I do some things for myself I'll feel a bit better...better go and warm up the GHDs!

Well done everyone

Hi all - hello slim22, welcome to the thread!

Not feeling so good today. Only just got round to this week's challenge after DH has gone to work. He REALLY irritated me this morning saying I was helping DS too much with his homework and should just let him get told off.
What mother's going to do that - his teacher's really fierce!! Managed not to have a rant at DH but felt like it.

We need to spend some quality time tonight.

Good luck all for today.

well this week is going to be astressful one as dp is working such horrible hours got in at 5.30am then had to be up and out by 11.30 wont be back till 5.30am poor thing is so tired

this is danger time for us as he gets so snappy so really need to block off if he starts doing this to me and remind myself its tiredness talking bless his heart

ds not well wont eat at all and just keeps whining his 2.10 so that drives me nuts with worry and also just drives me nuts lol

so really have to focus i have been feeling so run down all this week think its just due to my ds needing assessments but feel so low

but hey i'm coping well on the outside i have to

managed to shave everything washed and styled hair today but wont see dp but at least i feel clean lol

hope every one else is ok

Hi everyone. Wow you are all too good on the personal front - i STILL haven't shaved my legs and I set the bloomin challenge. Shame on me!

bubblagirl well done for doing your bit - thinking of you this week, it sounds as if you are facing a toughy. Little steps honey and remember we are all here....

also I think its important to remember this thread was started to make us responsive to our partners/LOs etc, not responsible for their actions and emotions. Being good to each other has to be a supplement to, not replacement for, being good to ourselves.
Stay strong and we will all get to that happier place.
Love and hugs to all

Hi Bubbla - that sounds like a tough week. Well done for doing the challenge.

Come on Mink - don't be hairy . You'd have laughed at me today. I wore stockings but the wind was SO high that I was sure everyone was going to get an eyeful! My DS was bewildered when I picked him up from school -'why have you got bare legs, mummy. You must be cold'.

Let's hope DH appreciates the effort.

thanks mink has been tough but getting through it were still in one piece

GET THEM LEGS SHAVED i know its cold but no exscuse lol

thanks for being here for us it helps alot as get lonely at home and could o mad keeps me on straight and narrow checking in here

lol janni for the stockings good job you weren't like norah batty by the time you got to school or when dh gets home lol

he he appreciated them well done guys xx

Janni you minx! I love the idea of your DH's face when he realises. You really are giving him some care!

Bubbla - i think the hairy yeti look is so now! have yet again ducked out, but do have excuse; my dd has been sick all night and all of today
Have been to hospital with her and they want her back in for obs if she's sick again. Just waiting with baited breath really. Poor little mite...
On the plus side DH has been great. helping wash umpteen sheets/pajamas/towels etc. He also cancelled a work meeting (which is virtually unheard of) to come to hosp with me and DD, so yay him!
hope everyone else is getting on fine....keep us posted!
Thinking of you all.

I love your thread - yes I moan too much about DH, but do still love/adore/need him and would like your help to get back in the habit of being nicer to him.

Used to work well for us (me being nicer), but I have slipped badly since sleep deprivation of DS arrival...plus one or 2 too many axes to grind about daft things OH have said...

Need to bury the axes and move on - can I join you?

Hi Mink - we both crashed out last night so, sadly, the stockings were wasted and it's just too cold at the moment anyway However, we'e getting on fine and he is still being very helpful. I'm having a hard time with two of the kids really not getting on and he is being a rock to lean on.

I'm so sorry about your daughter and hope she will soon be on the mend. Glad your DH got his priorities right!

bb99 - WELCOME! The more the merrier. Do you want to set yourself a specific challenge??

Hi all. Sounds like you're going through some tough times, so well done for keeping this going.

I've hardly seen DH, so haven't had much chance to be anything to him, iyswim. He didn't get in till about 7.30 last night, and he did cook supper for us (eggy bread), which was fab, as he must have been as knackered as I was, so I made sure he knew how much I appreciated it. Saw him this evening for about 15 minutes, as he dashed in, grabbed some food, and had to head out again (well, he was going to a concert, so at least he wasn't off working some more). So no real challenges, due to him not being here.

hello,..what a fantastic thread! Do you mind if I come in?

I have got the most fantastic dh, he's quiet, capable, caring, fantastic with the kids and a great cook he even does domestic stuff.
However, we both have very demanding stressful careers and we are in business together which was probably not a great idea...anyway to cut a long story short...
I don't appreciate him or what he does enough. I'm quite loud and when things are tough I shout... (at him usually )and he goes quiet.
We usually don't see each other during the week, we pass occasionally and then spend the weekend niggling (well I do... more )
So please can I join in ?

Hola, ingles. This is a very inclusive thread, you are WELCOME.

Thanks Janni....
So how did you all start?

I started it with a week's challenge to not say anything critical or sarcastic to DH. Some of the others joined me and when the week was up we started this, more general thread.

The second week our challenge was to be more physically affectionate and this week's challenge, courtesy of Minkulus, is to do something nice for ourselves to make us feel more cared for/attractive/groomed whatever.

Jump in wherever you like!

OK got to get off MN and pay him some attention
Goodnight all!

Goodnight.

Morning everyone...I think I'm lagging behind in the doing things for yourself, if you're wearing stockings Janni! Wow, you've set the standard now..

That said, the last couple of days have been better for us, despite DP working long hours. Last night he comforted me while I had a bit of a cry about mum's chemo, and it felt nice to be supported. I don't struggle with the affection side of things, our problem is more communication (him not 'getting it' and me sulking) but I find if I spell things out to him he's a bit more helpful!

Welcome ingles2 and bb9..hello Janni, Bubbla, Mink and Jackieno, keep up the good work!

Ok, so I'm going to start by trying to be less cutting to dh!
Will be hard... but am starting now.

Hi JRocks - let's not get competitive! DH adores stockings, I cannot remember the last time I bothered wearing any, that's all! The trouble is, we very rarely get out in the evenings at the moment so I never get dressed up. I would say we're the opposite to what you describe - we communicate OK most of the time (as long as I take time to say things in a positive way, rather than sniping at him), but I find physical affection more difficult. I would say I AM getting a bit better though.

Sorry to hear you're going through a hard time with your mum being ill.

Good luck ingles.

Janni - specific challenge, not to row with OH when he gets home tonight as this morning didn't quite go that well and he stormed off to work in big paddy after tearing a strip off dc1 for asking him if he'd used their special santa shampoo...and me telling him to calm down. Whoops!

2 caustic text messages from him later and I'm still smiling and now have a super challenge...

Text messages are deleted and not responded to, will pretend they didn't arrive and perform tactical ignoring as OH has already used usual superb argument tactics and made it a row about something completely different, if it was a row at all - now I'm to blame for him having a crappy day at work. Deep breath, he did get home super late from work last night and operation stack is messing up our home life to put it mildly as he can never get home before 7pm ever at the mo! 300% increase in home travelling time does not a happy boy make...

Stockings, now that may just cheer him up, or the shock could lead to major heart surgery

okay, no competition! Actually I know what you mean, DP loooves it when I wear a thong (which isn't so often these days), it's an instant effect with him!

I'm happier today, think I just needed a good cry last night - I get like that from time to time and it just baffles him

First (small) success.

Sent OH txt message inviting to dinner and champagne (he passed a professional qualification earlier in the week that we'd all had to help with ) to celebrate, ignoring original txt...

Got lovely 'i luv u' message back. maybe stockings should make an appearance tonight!

Well done bb99 - sounds like a result.