A thread for those of us who have realised our partners are not so bad after all....

[Janni]

..so we would like to practise being nicer to them! I managed a week without saying anything sarcastic or critical to DH.

This week I'm also trying to be more affectionate to him, rather than just hugging the kids!

I feel happier and the atmosphere at home is much better.

good luck jackieno

my trick when dp comes home from being away is instead of stressing about mess i'll ask him to tidy whatever it is while i'm doing something else and then give hima big hug and kiss for helping

normaly i dont even give him chance to do it and start moaning but he isnt expecting me to do it i just choose to see it as a big problem

also make that less of a priority and your relationship a higher one i always find the could you please clean this while i do this thank you sexy man big hug and kiss

then thanks for that darling coffee?

the thing is you get used to place being yopurs and how you want it and really have to become slightly less house proud as its not nice for them to feel they cannot relax in there own home

i remember my dp saying i dont feel like its my home when i come back so now i'm so much nicer about it xx

Thank you bubblagirl - some good ideas. I'm expecting to have to pick him up from the station around 4 or 5, so will mentally prepare myself.

your hyoscar - has the change in your DH been because you've been different? Bubbla -you're right about giving them a chance to help rather than instantly moaning. They do things in their own time, in their own way and that's OK!

Hi Mikulus - yes the rest of the day went better, thanks and DH is still being great, taking the kids loads and making sure I get time for me. I KNOW this is because I've been nicer to him, even if not as nice as I ultimately aim to be. I'm working on it!

Jackie - GOOD LUCK! Hope you have a really nice reunion.

The relationship threads about abusive partners are really making me appreciate moe and more what I've got in DH and to want to hold on to it by being a nicer partner to him.

Hello all..good to hear everyone is doing well! Tonight is a real test for me...DP has decided to go straight out after football, which isn't unusual. Normally I have a real whinge at him at really create an atmosphere, but I have been quite nice about it. Actually I think he has made a bit of an effort too, as he rang early to talk to me sensibly about it as soon as a night out looked likely. Often he'll ring half cut and really put my back up. So I suppose this is progress of sorts..though I'd much rather he wasn't out on the lash! I even said to him 'of course you deserve some play time after working so hard all this week' - do I get an oscar?!

Anyway, enough of my rambling, well done everyone..thanks for encouragement and good luck for another week!

So far so good. It's lovely to see him. And even lovelier that he (unprompted) went and had a shower quite soon after getting back - he was seriously whiffy, after 30 hours travelling in the same clothes, poor thing. He's just reading DS a bedtime story.

oh well done jrocks give the girl an oscar {he he} have relaxing evening

well done jackieNo sounds like a cuddly evening could be on the cards enjoy your time togteher

well i made another nice dinner and hereally liked it told me i was his best girl {hope i'm the only one lol}

his still feeling run down so still feel slightly on egg shells with him but i know how to act and what not to say when his like this and dont take it so personally nearly another week done 4 weeks with no arguments now and 2 eweeks on this thread x

hope everyone else is doing ok and having good evening

I'm about to close down MN but wanted to update my bookmark on this thread. This thread is like the FLY thread, you see improvements with the little changes you make which is great. It feels do-able then, doesn't it?

Sorry Grouchyoscar - don't know what happened to my typing of your name back there.

Well done Jackie, Bubbla and JRocks. Good to hear we're sticking with the programme

Hi Ruby - This is Flylady for relationships

rolls eyes She gets everywhere, that pesky FLY!

well i'm afraid to say my evening didnt go as lanned he was miserable and tired proceeded to have a go at me instead of shouting back i said if you have nothing nice to say to me dont speak to me

sat in silence watching a dvd he went to bed gave me kiss and said love you

anyway this morning supposed to be my pampering day he offered to get up but i said its ok you get some rest as his doing day and night shift tomorrow

come back into the room and he proceeded to tell me how he feels i dont like him and last few days hit has been confirmed ive been all over the bloke abd his not complained

he always blames me if he messes up its always my bloody fault that is what gets to me the most insteamitting his at fault he'll tell me it was me

so i said ive been really affectionate ooked lovely meals have let you fully relax and then decided to say me cooking dinners dont prove i like hikm so i said oh and me snogging your face ioff is obviously a sign of anger

so i have to say feel really peed off now i try to fix things try to change myself and now have to resign to the fact it will always be my fault no matter what

men

still i will continue as i like the person i am right now but as for him unless he takes responsibility i refuse to always be made to feel its my fault mentally he is making me so mad i love him but sometimes when he does this he makes me feel his controlling as i then go out my way to try and mmKE HIM HAPPY BUT IT WASNT EVEN MY FAULT AND HE DOES NOTHING FOR ME TO MAKE ME HAPPY OR APPOLOGISE

sorry ds pushed caps but i could do with shouting anyway

rant over new day i'll forget how he spoke to me this morning as i refuse to let it ruin my day

hope every one else had great evening though xx

Bubbla - sorry you're having a tough time. One thing though: you can't make him happy, that's his responsibility. You can only change yourself and HOPE that he responds. There's obviously a lot going on in his head right now, which might have nothing to do with you so please don't be hard on yourself.

THANKS JANNI sorry ds and caps again

i know he is trying to make it up to me now gone off to do shopping and wants to cook me hunters chicken for dinner so we'll start again its so tough when his hours are so long as it changes him for the worst and nothing i can do to change it

still up until yesterday it was ok it just annoys me when he always has to blame me especially as we all know how hard i'm trying and so far have succeeded

he took back what he said but still it still hurt my feelings

i wont dwell on it i just want to keep things going happily

xx

Hi there everyone. Just saying Hello. Progress halted slightly today, but keeping on track.

bubblagirl - i feel for you. It must be very frustrating for you to have your efforts thrown back, but maybe it will take him some time to adjust to the new 'regime'. Keep at it for your sake - i know i feel better about ME never mind my DH. a sense of serenity and calm will help you however he reacts and may help you cope if he cannot move on. Thinking of you.

Janni - hows it going with you guys? my DH and I are moving on to the more affection phase and its great . i think its sometimes easy to forget how nice it feels to be the object of someones desire/ affection but without strings.

Anyway y'all good luck for the coming week and keep those chins up and eyes twinkling - if nothing else it will confuse the buggers!

thanks minkulus he has cooked us lovely hunters chicken but my mood feels negative and the little comments keep flying out so thought best come sit on comp in other room just to breathe deep and start again when i go through oh well new week new start just wish he was on one of these threads

be nice to your dp who is obviously making so much effort and think before you bloody speak lol

well done all and see you tomorrow for a new week

glad its all affectionate for you minkulus it is nice we have got there just not last 2 days

xx

Bubblagirl - hope you can get past this, and carry on.

I'm doing OK, and DH is being particularly nice atm. No idea whether it's my behaviour, or jet lag (I suspect the latter). Did have a bit of a moment when he went off to pay for petrol, leaving us in the car, and locked it (by mistake I think) so that when we moved, we set off the car alarm. But he was back pretty quickly, and I was only slightly sarcastic, but in a mostly good humoured way (no, really, I was). Not sure how well I'll do next week, with the chaos of life during school and work days.

OK, so we're two weeks in now.

Yes, I'm getting -slowly- better at the affection and DH is responding very well!

We 'had words' about some trivial thing re. one of the children this evening, but I was careful to say 'I don't think that's fair' rather than 'you always...' and it was quickly forgotten.

DH is still being hugely helpful with the kids - he really wants me to be calm, happy and nice, it's quite humbling really.

So good luck for another week. Is anyone going to add to the challenge? I'm just continuing with 'more affection and not being critical'.

I'm going to stick with 'not being critical' for the time being, as I'm not sure how well I'll do when it's not the weekend, and I've got used to him being back. tbh, if that's all I ever manage, it will be a good thing for me/us.

This weekend must have been cursed...after trying to be nice and understanding about his night out ha proceeded to push all my buttons by not being contactable all night (phone out of battery), not telling me where he would be if I needed him, and not getting in until early sunday morning

soooo...I kept it together as best I could and tried to talk about it reasonably yesterday. Managed not to argue but I think I need to have a talk with him about that sort of behaviour on a 'nice' night IYSWIM..so he's listening rather than shutting down cause he thinks I'm having a go.

Think I may need to point out that I shouldn't have to be the only person feeling responsible for the relatonship..

oh well, new week, new start...

Ok girls. I'm up for a challenge - how about we add in something new? What about doing something nice for ourselves this week....I know it sounds a bit contrary, but by being nice to ourselves we can also spread the love!
My challenge (and this might sound a bit weird!) is to shave my legs!!! I usuall just leave them and i think it makes me a bit self concious with him re passion/ affection etc. so there you go, now you all know i'm a hairy beast....bring on the immac and lets see if it changes anything!

That's a really good idea, Minkulus. I know what you mean. OK I'll join you - I'll fish out some nice underwear!

JRocks - I think it's a really good idea to tackle this subject when you're both in a better mood. Good luck!

i'm up for the challenge well at least i wasnt the only one this weekend who didnt have all the luck lol sorry to hear about that jrocks

well dinner was lovely last night and he has been very cuddly this morning and all has been lovely he saud before we went to sleep i really do love you you know

well my treat will be not to sure to be honest maybe my bikini line lol

Realise how much I neglect my appearance and femininity - as if it's not important after 11 years of marriage and 3 kids. It's probably more important than ever, now though! I really need to work on this.

Things still going really well with DH.

Bless you for this thread.
Sometimes I feel there is so much moaning about men being selfish about not sharing the load.
Well it goes for those super working mums (hands up,total respect).
But if you are a SAHM or part timer then it's only fair to make time for partners. Have a civil appearance and be gentle.

Unless of course he takes out his job frustration on you and sits in front of the telly belching all night.

Lovely idea to look after ourselves this week. I'm going to make sure I brush my hair everyday (usually just scrape it back before I get in the shower, then forget to look in the mirror all day ), and I will put some moisturiser on every day. I do think I will be nicer and more tolerant if I take care of myself.

I am currently a SAHM, with both kids at school full time, and I'm enjoying getting all the housework done during the day, so we have time together in the evening. I will be back at work soon, so need to think how not to lose the current easy going mood in the house, when there is more time pressure.