Why is he lying to me?

[WhereDoesItGoFromHere]

I've been in a relationship for 2 years. On a day to day basis, it's perfect. He's kind, considerate, and thoughtful. He has lots of friends, people like him, his family is lovely. He is respectful of me and my feelings, he listens, he's empathetic, he pulls his weight emotionally, practically and financially in the relationship.

Everything concrete that I can see and experience on a daily basis is perfect.

But there are little things. Little things that appear to be lies. Nothing major, nothing 'real' I can really hold up and say what about this?

That are just making me feel uneasy. He denies that he's lied. Never called me paranoid - just maintains an innocence that just doesn't sit right.

I've been in crap relationships before and while they weren't crap 100% of the time, I've never felt this disparity before either. Where he seems to genuinely love, care for and respect me but has no problem with destabilising 'little lies'.

Never ignore gut feelings. They're there for a reason.

Because different people are motivated to respond to different OPs depending on their own life experiences. There is no 'Mumsnet consensus', no average poster and rarely universal agreement. Often people who disagree just choose to remain silent.

Sarcastic, passive aggressive, and patronising. If a relationship sinks to these depths, it's dead.

Start keeping a log or a journal of all the times you think he's lying with dates and times.

I did this with an XP who I suspected was lying about where he had been or who he had seen. Unsurprisingly, I was right! It turned out he was lying a lot. I ditched him shortly after.

It helps to back up your concerns and clarify what's going on. I wouldn't stay with a liar. These are the warning shots for you.

But why bother with a log or journal? Just leave him if you know he's a liar / don't trust him. That's highly unlikely to change.

It helps to back up your concerns and clarify what's going on

OP's concerns don't need 'backing up' and she's already clear on what's going on. She doesn't want to be lied to and he is lying to her. It's that simple. No logging required.

Hes gaslighting you. My ex was a dick tbh..lied over nothing ..but i caught him smiling at his phone loads times, and turning it on silent but picking it up to check all the time. He also became more of a dick. Found out he was cold distant more so because he had a porn addiction and he was cheating on me. Yours is gaslighting you, cant say if hes cheating

Im going to take a different view on this and ask secure you think he is as a person and in your relationship. In the beginning of my relationship with dp I felt totally out of my league and he was very popular, in person and online. Every time I saw him on his phone I had a pang of insecurity and would, when I was on my own phone sometimes give a wry little smile just to keep him guessing. I also used to read messages as soon as they arrived but pretend I hadn’t because I felt things were unbalanced and I didnt want to appear too eager.

Actually it was one of his friends drunkenly telling me that dp was holding back because he was convinced I had someone else lined up (because of the wry smiling and the message delay ‘tactics’) that made me sit up and have a word with myself and realise that I was playing games and that was totally out of order. I booked in some therapy sessions to figure out my head, sort out my confidence and stopped being a prick.

Perhaps its insecurity.

The problem with liars is that you can never, ever trust them because even when they’re telling the truth, you know it could be a lie. So you’re in a permanent state of discomfort and unease. You can’t relax around them. You never know when they are going to lie to other people too, including lies about you. That is no way to live.

The lies are to unsettle and cause confusion. It's so you doubt yourself and your self confidence slowly vanishes. You are the boiled frog. It's designed to be very slow, very inconsequential, but it builds up layer after layer.

Doing it deliberately to be a dick isn't him.
He obviously lied but doing it just to make me wait really isn't him.
Are you sure? You are at the two year mark and he lives with you. That's one of the times they start showing you who they really are. Refuse to accept it, call him out every single time or leave.