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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband hasn’t come home!

698 replies

Worried00 · 07/09/2023 05:20

My husband went to play darts last night as he does every Wednesday. I’ve woken up at 4.30am and he isn’t home!!!
I’ve tried calling him and WhatsApping him- no answer and no reply. He hasn’t read my messages.
his darts team are his old work mates who I have no contact information for.
im worried sick. What do I do!? Do I call the police? Do I call hospitals !? Help, I feel sick

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Coffeetree · 07/09/2023 14:34

Shahira78 · 07/09/2023 14:27

What kind of woman? A strong woman who doesn't like the piss taken out of her and knows her worth.

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Yes and look how threatening that is to some.

WimpoleHat · 07/09/2023 14:37

she should NOT under any circumstances driven a car this morning uninsured.

Maybe she checked her insurance insurance and saw that, like on many policies (my own included), she was covered on a third party basis to drive any other vehicle…..

Valhalla17 · 07/09/2023 14:38

Shahira78 · 07/09/2023 14:27

What kind of woman? A strong woman who doesn't like the piss taken out of her and knows her worth.

Show quote history

Yes and thank you @Eileandover for creating such a place of support for the OP to want to return to...🙄

Saying he's cheated and she's too embarrassed to admit it....what a charmer you are.

OP ignore all idiotic and unsympathetic responses about insurance or having a bonkers overreaction. We have no idea of the back story or what's transpired since he arrived home. You are well within your right to ask him to leave, if that is what you need to get some space. He's behaved terribly and I hope you're okay.

ilikemethewayiam · 07/09/2023 14:41

Absolutely inexcusable! All this nonsense about maybe his phone died etc. its 2023. There are a hundred ways you could get a message to your wife that you weren’t going to make it home. If not then you absolutely change plans and get a taxi home. HE has caused OP untold stress! She was stranded without HER car. She’s had to take a day off work, letting her employer down and possibly damaging her prospects at work by looking unreliable. There are no excuses for this, it’s unforgivable. I’m with OP, ask him to leave at least until my blood stops boiling and I can think straight.

Shade17 · 07/09/2023 14:46

I drove his car to drop the kids to school, I didn’t go to work.

You said you’re not insured on his car?

VisionsOfSplendour · 07/09/2023 14:53

Shade17 · 07/09/2023 14:46

I drove his car to drop the kids to school, I didn’t go to work.

You said you’re not insured on his car?

Shock horror, car will still work when an uninsured person drivea it, newsflash, loads of cars on the road everyday are uninsured

Not really the point here

momtoboys · 07/09/2023 14:58

Do they play darts out at a pub? If so, then why is he asleep on someone's sofa?

TastingSinister · 07/09/2023 15:09

momtoboys · 07/09/2023 14:58

Do they play darts out at a pub? If so, then why is he asleep on someone's sofa?

You seriously can't work that out by yourself?

Alcemeg · 07/09/2023 15:09

I once fell asleep at an airport, just after checking in my luggage but before going through security/passport control. (And no, I wasn't pissed, just exhausted.) Because my suitcase was already on the plane, it had to wait for me. I was asleep for ages! Everyone wanted to lynch me when I woke up and got myself on board, and I don't blame them.

Only mentioning this by way of saying that when you're drunk you can do crazy things, but also when you're actually asleep you can neglect to do the things you'd normally do.

Hope things work out for you one way or another, OP Flowers

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 07/09/2023 15:32

@Worried00 glad he’s safe, I’ve no advice but wanted to offer support Flowers

saraclara · 07/09/2023 15:37

Shade17 · 07/09/2023 14:46

I drove his car to drop the kids to school, I didn’t go to work.

You said you’re not insured on his car?

Earlier in the thread (and before school drop off time) OP was advised to check her own insurance policy to see if she was third party insured to drive other cars.

More often than not, someone with comprehensive insurance has that cover, so I imagine she did as suggested

deltablue · 07/09/2023 15:39

I'm sure a lot more will emerge as to the circumstances around this.

Mumsmet · 07/09/2023 15:40

Saturdaygirl01 · 07/09/2023 12:34

I would want all the details before making any decisions but on the face of it it’s not good. Maybe the op’s husband didn’t even go to darts, hence why no one knew where he was.

Yes, I would guess there is no darts team he's part of.

Mumsmet · 07/09/2023 15:41

AbraKedavra · 07/09/2023 12:51

I always wonder who are the husbands who actually leave their own home because they're told to pack a bag.

Nobody would ever be throwing me out of my own home.

Mine wouldn't budge if asked.

Notmytotoro · 07/09/2023 15:41

he has an affair and he fallen asleep with his lover.

Original poster
Worried00 · 07/09/2023 15:41

Hi all
Wow I have read all of your messages.
Thanks for your advice and opinions.

I gave you the last update quickly as I made my way into work for the distraction!

As some of you have said..... there IS more to the story.

Turns out for the last 4 months when I've thought he has been at darts every week, he hasn't been. there has never been a darts team.
He has been out with his friends in the pub. Lying to me about it every week.
WHY?! I have no idea. Am i that horrible that he cannot tell me he is going to0 the pub once a week!? WOW. I am in shock

He does drink, I meant it as in he wasn't drinking last night and drove instead.
And he went back to his mates house and he crashed on the sofa.

That's it. marriage done. I cannot accept this.

OP posts:
momtoboys · 07/09/2023 15:43

I would worry that if he has been lying about this, what else is he lying about?

GingerIsBest · 07/09/2023 15:45

Surely darts was at the pub? so he's been going out to the pub, but not playing darts, and having a few drinks without telling you? Or he's being going somewhere competey different with totally different people?

marblesthecat · 07/09/2023 15:45

This is very strange.

Daisyislazy · 07/09/2023 15:46

Why has he been hiding it? It's only a drink with his mates

Alcemeg · 07/09/2023 15:46

Oh gosh so sorry to hear your update, OP.

You seem to have no choice really.

I wonder if drugs were involved.

BorrowedThyme · 07/09/2023 15:46

how shocking for you. I hope you are ok

Daisyislazy · 07/09/2023 15:46

marblesthecat · 07/09/2023 15:45

This is very strange.

It's almost unreal

HowToSaveAWife · 07/09/2023 15:47

Worried00 · 07/09/2023 15:41

Hi all
Wow I have read all of your messages.
Thanks for your advice and opinions.

I gave you the last update quickly as I made my way into work for the distraction!

As some of you have said..... there IS more to the story.

Turns out for the last 4 months when I've thought he has been at darts every week, he hasn't been. there has never been a darts team.
He has been out with his friends in the pub. Lying to me about it every week.
WHY?! I have no idea. Am i that horrible that he cannot tell me he is going to0 the pub once a week!? WOW. I am in shock

He does drink, I meant it as in he wasn't drinking last night and drove instead.
And he went back to his mates house and he crashed on the sofa.

That's it. marriage done. I cannot accept this.

Oh good luck so - H is a bit of a twat isn't he. Totally unacceptable behaviour - the lying, secret drinking, taking your car to do it, wasting your time and the inconvenience...

I don't blame you OP.

Samlewis96 · 07/09/2023 15:48

sezzer87 · 07/09/2023 10:23

Took her car
Didn't call
Didn't come home
Got drunk and is saying he fell asleep on a 'sofa'
Friends and family don't know where he was.

And you're questioning why she's asked him to leave??

Show quote history

Oh well if he does actually leave assemblies wa to he can spend as much of his time with mates and crash out wherever he wants. Without having his wife call round alland sundry looking for him, Whereas it will be her stuck indoors alone with a couple of kids. Bit of an own goal really

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