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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband hasn’t come home!

698 replies

Worried00 · 07/09/2023 05:20

My husband went to play darts last night as he does every Wednesday. I’ve woken up at 4.30am and he isn’t home!!!
I’ve tried calling him and WhatsApping him- no answer and no reply. He hasn’t read my messages.
his darts team are his old work mates who I have no contact information for.
im worried sick. What do I do!? Do I call the police? Do I call hospitals !? Help, I feel sick

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Quiethowlsinluditebeck · 07/09/2023 13:39

OP posted for advice, help and support when her husband was missing. She hasn’t asked for advice, help and support for her decision to tell him to pack a bag and leave.

None of us know the back story to this. A long term relationship, marriage and children cannot be explained in a couple of paragraphs. I really don’t think arguing on mumsnet about whether she is being perfectly reasonable or wildly overreacting is of use to anyone let alone OP. I just hope she’s ok.

Loubelle70 · 07/09/2023 13:41

Gettingbysomehow · 07/09/2023 11:37

Why do men who have kids think this kind of behaviour is ok? Where are all the mums who get roaring drunk and stay out all night leaving their kids unable to get to school and their husbands unable to go to work.
I'd be digging a new patio.

Yes!

PinkRoses1245 · 07/09/2023 13:42

It's a mistake. What a massive overreaction to kick him out without understanding what happened, presuming this is a one off.

BIossomtoes · 07/09/2023 13:46

I’ve told him to pack a bag and leave

Seriously? That’s one of the most bonkers over reactions I’ve ever seen on MN.

Eileandover · 07/09/2023 13:53

This reply has been deleted

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JudgeJ · 07/09/2023 13:53

CallieQ · 07/09/2023 10:51

Pack a bag and leave over a night out?? You are way overreacting

Hopefully he refused his wife's demands and said he wasn't going anywhere! Not nuch she could do about that,

JudgeJ · 07/09/2023 13:57

crochetmonkey74 · 07/09/2023 11:02

Ah the classic MN find a reason why the woman is to blame

Show quote history

But the woman is in the wrong here, if she hits another car or a person the police wouldn't be interested in her excuse of a domestic spat, she would be guilty.

maclen · 07/09/2023 13:58

So many unanswered questions

JudgeJ · 07/09/2023 14:03

Oh goody, another example where shit male behaviour is discounted as "not illegal"

What rubbish! Staying out all night is not a crime, putting the lives of other motorists/passengers is, whatever one's sex/gender might be!

RosaMoline · 07/09/2023 14:05

I am pleased for the OP that it was a (semi) positive outcome.

HOWEVER - she should NOT under any circumstances driven a car this morning uninsured. If I was in the same situation, I would’ve asked a friend or neighbour to help out, or if no one was available, I would’ve called the school and explained they would be staying home today (not ideal, but I am sure they would’ve understood if there were no other safe options to get them there)

Extremely irresponsible.

DebussytoaDiscoBeat · 07/09/2023 14:08

Quiethowlsinluditebeck · 07/09/2023 13:39

OP posted for advice, help and support when her husband was missing. She hasn’t asked for advice, help and support for her decision to tell him to pack a bag and leave.

None of us know the back story to this. A long term relationship, marriage and children cannot be explained in a couple of paragraphs. I really don’t think arguing on mumsnet about whether she is being perfectly reasonable or wildly overreacting is of use to anyone let alone OP. I just hope she’s ok.

Well said. And you can bet if she does come back and fill us in on the back story (and there will be one, this behaviour never occurs in a vacuum) she'll be accused of drip-feeding.

ManchesterLu · 07/09/2023 14:08

Worried00 · 07/09/2023 10:18

He is home.
I drove his car to drop the kids to school, I didn’t go to work.

i called his brother and his friends, none of them knew where he was.
he called me at 9am to say he had got drunk and fallen asleep on the sofa.

he has called in sick to work.

although I am relieved he is is okay, I am absolutely fuming!!!! I’ve told him to pack a bag and leave

I know you're annoyed at him but I think asking him to leave is a bit harsh unless there's more to tell, or he does it all the time (which you've already said he doesn't).

We all do stupid things from time to time, and at least he didn't drive home drunk, which I think would have been far worse.

JudgeJ · 07/09/2023 14:08

AbraKedavra · 07/09/2023 12:51

I always wonder who are the husbands who actually leave their own home because they're told to pack a bag.

Nobody would ever be throwing me out of my own home.

Exactly! It always amazes me that in the US the police will turn up and remove a person on the sayso of the other! If they do leave because she-who-must-be-obeyed demands it, presumably they cease to have any financial input into a place they don't live.

GarlicGrace · 07/09/2023 14:13

PinkRoses1245 · 07/09/2023 13:42

It's a mistake. What a massive overreaction to kick him out without understanding what happened, presuming this is a one off.

Indeed. Let us try to understand what happened. A man fails to return home from his darts game without explanation, finally makes contact at 9am to say he got drunk and crashed on a sofa, then returns with a monster hangover.

It's a complete mystery.

Iloveavocadoes · 07/09/2023 14:16

RosaMoline · 07/09/2023 14:05

I am pleased for the OP that it was a (semi) positive outcome.

HOWEVER - she should NOT under any circumstances driven a car this morning uninsured. If I was in the same situation, I would’ve asked a friend or neighbour to help out, or if no one was available, I would’ve called the school and explained they would be staying home today (not ideal, but I am sure they would’ve understood if there were no other safe options to get them there)

Extremely irresponsible.

How do you know she was uninsured? I

Eileandover · 07/09/2023 14:16

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ReliantRobyn · 07/09/2023 14:17

She said she was uninsured.

Furryrug · 07/09/2023 14:20

I was under the impression that 101 will not disclose if someone is in custody or not.

HopelesslyOptimistic · 07/09/2023 14:23

If this is very odd out of character behaviour then report him missing.

RosaMoline · 07/09/2023 14:24

Because she said so earlier on in the thread.

RosaMoline · 07/09/2023 14:25

@HopelesslyOptimistic

the OP has updated

Shahira78 · 07/09/2023 14:27

This reply has been deleted

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What kind of woman? A strong woman who doesn't like the piss taken out of her and knows her worth.

LizzieSiddal · 07/09/2023 14:29

Unless there was some huge medical emergency he has absolutely no excuse or respect for you. I don’t blame you for telli my him to leave. He needs to understand how much stress he’s put you under.

Isometimeswonder · 07/09/2023 14:30

Wow, how quickly things change. The thread went from support and worry for the OP to putting her down and insults.
Can't we all just be glad he's home safe, which was the point of the thread! She must be tired, upset and emotional.... and livid.

Valhalla17 · 07/09/2023 14:31

RosaMoline · 07/09/2023 14:05

I am pleased for the OP that it was a (semi) positive outcome.

HOWEVER - she should NOT under any circumstances driven a car this morning uninsured. If I was in the same situation, I would’ve asked a friend or neighbour to help out, or if no one was available, I would’ve called the school and explained they would be staying home today (not ideal, but I am sure they would’ve understood if there were no other safe options to get them there)

Extremely irresponsible.

Well I imagine there was little choice with the kids this morning...and assume it was a relatively short journey to school. OP didn't then drive the car again to go to work, she took the day off and in my view has behaved RESPONSIBLY. She's assessed things and school was important, work likely a far longer journey which she hasnt done given the lack of insurance.

Honestly, get over yourselves and give OP a break. She's spent hours worried out of her mind calling hospitals for goodness sake.

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