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Original poster

Husband hasn’t come home!

698 replies

Worried00 · 07/09/2023 05:20

My husband went to play darts last night as he does every Wednesday. I’ve woken up at 4.30am and he isn’t home!!!
I’ve tried calling him and WhatsApping him- no answer and no reply. He hasn’t read my messages.
his darts team are his old work mates who I have no contact information for.
im worried sick. What do I do!? Do I call the police? Do I call hospitals !? Help, I feel sick

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
sezzer87 · 07/09/2023 10:40

EarringsandLipstick · 07/09/2023 10:34

Maybe you have low standards and no manners but in my world this just isn't acceptable.

Read my posts & stop being silly & insulting.

Sorry I'm confused why you disagree with people grovelling (profusely apologising) ?
Do not think an apology is owed?

C1N1C · 07/09/2023 10:41

I knew it wouldn't take long... lots of people itching to stick the knife in.

Went out with the guys and ending up drunk and passed out was probably the most likely outcome, and now that has happened, everyone is suddenly "it sounds suspicious, that would be the end for me"...

If this were me, I'd simply say to him, I believe you, but this is SO unlike you, could you hand your phone to me just so I can see recent messages and Google location. My wife would know my good friends, so I'd have no issues handing my phone over, and Google location SHOULD be his friend's house. Justifiable sacrifice to prove all is as he says. If he passes that test, yes, he's got some grovelling and making up to do...

WhatWouldMrMannersSay · 07/09/2023 10:42

Pack a bag and leave? Presumably just until you're calm enough to talk it through? There's no way I'd end a marriage over this unless there was way more going on.

sparklefresh · 07/09/2023 10:42

EarringsandLipstick · 07/09/2023 10:30

And you're questioning why she's asked him to leave??

Yes I am.

This was one incident. Horrific and terrible for OP, selfish of her H.

Being furious & requiring an explanation, apology and making amends - all normal.

Telling him to leave (his own home) as a result of one incident is nonsensical.

As an aside - she knew presumably he took her car? And why on earth would family & friends know where he was?

The bigger concern for me would be how it came about that he drank to such excess that he couldn't come home, when he usually doesn't drink. I'd be drilling down into that to get the fuller story.

Agreed. It is bad but throwing him out of his own home after this is extreme.

Growlybear83 · 07/09/2023 10:43

Why do people always assume that a man has cheated in circumstances like this? Surely it's much more likely that he got pissed and a friend took him home to sleep it off. The OP has already said thst she didn't have contact details for the friends her husband was out with so they were unlikely to have hers. If he was really drunk then I doubt that it would have occurred to him to have called home. I agree that his behaviour was really out of order and of course he should have contacted the OP but can see no reason to assume that he was cheating. There were many occasions in the past when I found one of my husband's friends out cold on the sofa when I've got up in the morning after a heavy night in the pub and they were always alone and not furiously shagging a random woman.

Unless there is evidence to show that he has been cheating, I think it's very over the top to end a marriage for a one off incident like this.

comedownwithme · 07/09/2023 10:43

Worried00 · 07/09/2023 10:18

He is home.
I drove his car to drop the kids to school, I didn’t go to work.

i called his brother and his friends, none of them knew where he was.
he called me at 9am to say he had got drunk and fallen asleep on the sofa.

he has called in sick to work.

although I am relieved he is is okay, I am absolutely fuming!!!! I’ve told him to pack a bag and leave

Huge backstory?

GingerScallop · 07/09/2023 10:43

idiot. gobsmackable idiot

crochetmonkey74 · 07/09/2023 10:44

For me, I would be wondering why kone of his work friends from darts thought to let you know. If it was a work friends sofa, did they wake him up and he just wasn't well enough to go in? If so, how did he get back to the car and drive it etc
Lots to think about and explain. How does he seem OP

EarringsandLipstick · 07/09/2023 10:45

Sorry I'm confused why you disagree with people grovelling (profusely apologising) ?
Do not think an apology is owed?

Grovelling & apologising are not the same. 🙄

I don't disagree an apology is needed, of course not - my post 14 minutes ago said

Being furious & requiring an explanation, apology and making amends - all normal.

As I said, try some reading, do.

JoanOfAllTrades · 07/09/2023 10:46

SurprisedWithAHorse · 07/09/2023 10:39

Did he mean he fell asleep on another sofa before coming home? Where has he actually been? If he was staggering around drunk all night and much of the morning, he's unlikely to have been alone.

I'm not suggesting he's cheating, I just don't understand where he's actually been. He didn't drive back, did he? Where's the car?

Show quote history

I am a bit perplexed by “the” sofa! Which sofa? At whose house?

When I was telling DH about this thread, he said two things. How many trophies has this darts team won? And that if OP’s DH was that drunk, he’d still reek of drink!

And for myself, I don’t think anyone is so drunk that they forget how to answer their phone (and most phones nowadays even have a handy graphic that shows how to swipe up to answer, even on WhatsApp calls).

I don’t blame OP for telling him to get lost, perhaps he needs to have some time away to properly appreciate his wife and family!

Abouttimemum · 07/09/2023 10:46

Sorry but mine would be asked to pack a bag as well. He’s a grown adult not a fucking teenager. I don’t need that sort of shite in my life. Ridiculous behaviour.

Chippy4me · 07/09/2023 10:46

Pack a bag and leave? Presumably just until you're calm enough to talk it through? There's no way I'd end a marriage over this unless there was way more going on.

If my DH kicked me out of my own home, even just for 1 night until he calmed down, I would end the relationship.

It would be different if I had cheated or was violent or something.

I just hope if OP wants a night to calm down that her DP wouldn’t do the same as me and decide to end the relationship over it.

BarrelOfOtters · 07/09/2023 10:47

There must be a massive backstory as that seems like an awful over reaction.

sezzer87 · 07/09/2023 10:48

EarringsandLipstick · 07/09/2023 10:45

Sorry I'm confused why you disagree with people grovelling (profusely apologising) ?
Do not think an apology is owed?

Grovelling & apologising are not the same. 🙄

I don't disagree an apology is needed, of course not - my post 14 minutes ago said

Being furious & requiring an explanation, apology and making amends - all normal.

As I said, try some reading, do.

Grovelling is literally apologising. What do you think it means then?

ZadocPDederick · 07/09/2023 10:49

sezzer87 · 07/09/2023 10:30

Personally if I decided to go out on a Wednesday night and didn't come home to take care of my children, I'd be grovelling to all my family to forgive me for being so neglectful and stupid.
Maybe you have low standards and no manners but in my world this just isn't acceptable.

Show quote history

You have some very odd ideas about what constitutes good manners. Including slinging baseless insults on a public forum.

zoomiesdrivememad · 07/09/2023 10:49

Who's sofa?

I think that would be a deciding factor of if he got kicked out or not!

Sounds very suspicious though and can you imagine if you did that!

I always hear about dads staying out all night and not coming home and it seems to be more acceptable, very rarely you hear about moms doing it! ( I'm sure some do though! )

WhatWouldMrMannersSay · 07/09/2023 10:49

Don't disagree @Chippy4me just presuming the OP is lashing out in a mix of relief/anger and will calm down in a bit.

My DH did almost exactly this but didn't come home until the afternoon. I didn't give him that much of a bollocking but he's never don't anything remotely similar since. It was about 10 years ago now.

2jacqi · 07/09/2023 10:49

who's sofa was it though?? that would be very telling about what he is getting up to! doesnt sound too good and well done for telling him to pack a bag and leave! some guys do not deserve yet another chance!

sparklefresh · 07/09/2023 10:50

Abouttimemum · 07/09/2023 10:46

Sorry but mine would be asked to pack a bag as well. He’s a grown adult not a fucking teenager. I don’t need that sort of shite in my life. Ridiculous behaviour.

Is it his home too? Does he own it or rent it jointly with you?

baytreelane23 · 07/09/2023 10:50

OP, your reaction to this is right for you.

I absolutely hate how women are now jumping on you for your response to it. I'm sure you spent from 4:30am onwards sick with worry, you called around, you didn't know what on earth had happened (which I'm sure has utterly consumed your mental energy already this morning), you worried about having a car you're not insured on, you didn't go to work.

I also wonder if he called you straight away upon waking, or just turned up (no doubt drove over the limit if he was that drunk to fall asleep on some random sofa very late), and people are now attacking you for telling him to leave for this utter disrespect to you, and your children. 😞

CallieQ · 07/09/2023 10:51

Pack a bag and leave over a night out?? You are way overreacting

ZadocPDederick · 07/09/2023 10:52

sezzer87 · 07/09/2023 10:48

Grovelling is literally apologising. What do you think it means then?

Show quote history

No, it isn't.

Grovel:

lie or crawl abjectly on the ground with one's face downwards.
"he grovelled at George's feet"
Similar: crawl, creep, cringe. crouch. prostrate oneself, kneel. fall on one's knees

  • act in an obsequious way in order to obtain someone's forgiveness or favour.

It may include apologising, but equally someone can give a sincere apology and express how very sorry they are without grovelling.

2jacqi · 07/09/2023 10:53

and where is your car>> is it still at the pub? is he sober enough to drive at this time if he was so drunk last night???

Mumsmet · 07/09/2023 10:53

Eileeneddover · 07/09/2023 10:26

You told him to pack his bags and leave just because he got drunk?

Harsh or what

However I agree with others it sounds VERY suspicious and I think he most likely cheated on you and is using getting drunk as a cover story.

Show quote history

You say OP is harsh and yet you also feel he probably cheated on her. So, her response isn't harsh at all.

chemicalworld · 07/09/2023 10:54

I would be fuming too. It takes seconds to let someone know you are OK and when you wake worrying like that even 5 minutes can feel like a long time.

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